Director's message for September 2009

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

I’ve just returned from spending a week in Northern Utah. I decided to write a bit about my time away, not so much to provide a travel log of my trip, but to share some insights that I had along the way. My wife and I hadn’t been away alone for an extended stay in 5 years. Due to health issues confronting family members, we postponed an invitation to visit friends in Paris this summer and had decided that we probably would not be able to get away even locally either. However, as conditions began to clear we realized that we really needed some time away, and when clients of mine returned from their vacation to Sundance, Utah, and spoke so glowingly about their trip I decided to explore that possibility.

Our exploration turned up some viable options. We booked ourselves into a little stone cottage within walking distance of the Sundance Resort. As it turned out when we arrived, we discovered that the owners of the cottage and the surrounding acreage were “Stewarts”. Brad Stewart’s great, great grandfather had developed thousands of acres in Utah in the 1800’s. Brad’s father, Paul, had sold 5,000 acres to Robert Redford in 1968 to develop Sundance. I told Brad that I am a Stewart on my mother’s side and that my great, great grandfather had developed Wabash, Indiana. We agreed that the Stewarts were truly developers. Later in the week we returned to Park City to have lunch with Richard Bizzaro and to visit a center where we could look up our genealogy.

The first full day of our trip, my wife and I got to visit my cousin and her husband at their extraordinary vacation condo at Stagg Lodge in Park City and to play golf with them at Glenwild Country Club, renown for its course. We rested the next day, and then the following day hired a fly-fishing guide and tried our luck on the Provo River. Fran landed a 15-inch rainbow trout before releasing it, and believe it or not, my 18-20 inch Brown trout leapt into the air just to give me a look before the fly came out of its mouth. Just being on the river in and of itself was rewarding.

On one of the days we took the chairlift up the mountain and then hiked along a trail to get a view of Stewart Falls. As we came around a steep incline we spotted a man with very dark, long hair sitting with his back to us on a camp chair along the ridge to our right. He was meditating. Many of the people hiking along the path passed without his turning to acknowledge them, but suddenly he turned and waved to us and signaled for us to climb out to where he was sitting with a perfect view of the falls in the distance. He cautioned us to take little steps so as to not lose our footing. Little steps, he repeated at least a few times, like a mantra.

When we got close I could see that he had a stack of books about Jesus sitting next to his chair as well as a big hunting knife, an interesting contrast that my wife found a little disconcerting at first. He smiled largely and welcomed us, indicating that he has come there for the past few days to sit, reflect and just get closer to “The Lord.” He was a man of East Indian ethnicity. His face resembled the pictures I had seen of Babaji, the Yogi Christ of India. He said simply that “it’s all about love and forgiveness.” He was a warm, gentle man radiating serenity and love. With our camera he took a picture of us with the falls in the background and then I snapped a picture of him. I felt like we could have spent much more time with him, but after a brief while we continued on our hike. As we parted he once again reminded us to take little steps.

When we returned along the path behind where he was sitting, there he was, deep in meditative prayer. Somehow this chance meeting captured the essence of our trip. I reflected on his admonition to take little steps and how he glowed when he expressed that it’s so simple; it’s just about being loving and forgiving. He said he lived in Richfield, 4 miles outside Las Vegas on the way to Utah, and invited us to look him up if we were passing through there at some point. If our paths never cross again, I will carry the memory of this brief encounter which will mindfully encourage me to take little steps along the path that leads to a more loving and forgiving destination.

We stayed in the next morning to watch the funeral of Ted Kennedy. We had observed some of the preceding coverage following his passing when we were not traversing through the natural surroundings of the great Utah outdoors. I had admired Ted Kennedy for the most part, but there were times that my feelings for him ebbed during some of the turbulent periods of his challenged life.

I always knew that he was a man who endured terrible tragedies as well as surmounted the unimaginable suffering through great triumphs. He was in many ways bigger than life itself. He was a renaissance man who rose to become a talented sailor, painter and raconteur. He was touted as the “Lion of the Senate” and praised for being a steadfast patriarch to his family.

Today I was awestruck by the testimonials and eulogies that paid homage to such a remarkable man. Over the years Ted publicly apologized for the recklessness of his flawed life, and what was truly inspiring was the way he sustained against all odds, continuing to reshape his life, motivated by the ardent desire to learn from his shortcomings and become a better man.

Tears flowed as Ted’s oldest son shared during his eulogy how, following the amputation of one of his legs due to bone cancer, his father helped him up a snowy hill so that they could sled down together. Ted was robust and loved to play and had quite a competitive nature. I laughed out loud when Ted Jr. said that they always returned from family vacations “injured and exhausted.”

And through it all Teddy will be remembered for being a loving man, a genuine humanitarian, mentor and champion of the people. It’s men like this that stir my emotions and compel me to understand more about the courage and perseverance to stay the course and make a positive difference in your personal life and in the world. I look forward to reading his biography.

I’m glad to have taken this time away with my wife as we celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary and 33 years together. Being married to the same person for over 30 years isn’t easy - just ask my wife - but it is rewarding. Like Ted Kennedy’s life, our relationship has been fraught with ups and downs, pitfalls and achievements. But over time the shortcomings tend to be forgiven and calibrated as challenging learning experiences while the love grows deeper with passing years and we recognize that what is truly important rises to the top. If you want to get to know who you really are, put yourself in a committed relationship, pay attention and remember to take little steps along the way.

A few announcements:

Thus far we have at least six couples registering for the couples’ practicum at Holy Spirit Retreat Center on Saturday, September 26th. It would be great to have four more couples sign up to participate in this event. Upon reflection I am also open to selectively adding men and women in equal numbers to fill the remaining slots. So if you’d like to share in this experience of how Mindfulness practices can rekindle, strengthen and support relationships then this practicum is for you. For each participant I will gift an article that I had written but have not as yet published, titled: Rekindling a Loving Relationship: Is the Love Lost or just Misplaced?

I am honored to be one of the presenters at the Mindfulness and Group Psychotherapy Conference in Santa Monica on Sunday, October 4, 2009. I will be in the company of some gifted presenters offering current and profound insights and experiential opportunities to incorporate the practices of Mindfulness into your life. This event is open to the public and will sell out quickly. If you’re interested in attending, register soon.

Our 23rd Annual Fall Sacred Path Men’s Retreat on the theme, Man Up! What it Takes to be a Good Man Today with a focus on Men, Mentors and Mindfulness, is coming up on Thursday, October 22 through Sunday, October 25th. Please spread the word to those in your circle that you feel could benefit from being in the company of men on the path to improving their lives, raising their consciousness and making a positive difference in the world.

Further information and registration forms for all three events can be found on our blog and on the web site.

Namaste,
Stephen

To download the flyer/application for the September 26 Couples' Practicum, click HERE

To download the flyer for the Fall '09 Men's Retreat, click HERE

To download the application for the Fall '09 Men's Retreat, click HERE

Dr. Stephen Johnson Addresses GPASC Conference

The 56th Annual Conference

of the Group Psychotherapy Association

of Southern California

October 4, 2009

Doubletree Hotel

1707 4th Street

Santa Monica, CA 90401

On-line registration and online membership application at www.gpasc.org

Questions?: e-mail: groups@gpasc.org Telephone: (323) 960-5143

Conference Overview:

• This one-day seminar will cover strategies and concepts for use of Mindfulness & Meditation in group therapy, including a review of the Buddhist schools of meditation, emphasizing mindfulness, its roots in Buddhist psychology, its relationship to neuroscience and how mindfulness positively affects our brain, and the usefulness of mindfulness processes in contemporary group psychotherapy.

• The day will include two guided group meditations, demonstrating that mindfulness has the power to tame the mind and free the heart through careful, and caring, observation of the continuous changes in our bodies, emotions, and minds.
• Learn practical tools designed to reduce stress, increase relaxed presence, and transform hectic lives from‚“Mind-filled‚” to “Mindful‚” Group members will experience surrendering through resistance and discomfort to greater balance, serenity, expanded awareness, joy, and vitality (as reducing stress, boosts the immune system).
• Learn and discuss how mindfulness meditation can teach us about ourselves in our experience of being in groups, focusing on the personal experience of separation and belonging. As part of the presentation, meditative exercises will be used to explore the here-and-now experience of being with others.

Dan Siegel, MD,
received his medical degree from Harvard University and completed his postgraduate medical education at UCLA with training in pediatrics and child, adolescent and adult psychiatry. He served as a National Institute of Mental Health Research Fellow at UCLA, studying family
interactions with an emphasis on how attachment experiences influence emotions, behavior, autobiographical memory and narrative. He is currently an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine where he is a Co-Investigator at the Center for Culture, Brain, and Development and is Co-Director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center, and Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute. Dan is the author of The Developing Mind: Toward a Neurobiology of Interpersonal Experience (1999; Co-author with Mary Hartzell, MEd, Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive (2003); and author of The Mindful Brain: Reflection and Attunement in the Cultivation of Well-Being (2007).

Ron Alexander, PhD, MFT,
is a psychotherapist and longtime Buddhist practitioner ordained as a lay Zen Buddhist. He is the Founder and Clinical Director of the Open Mind Training® Institute in Santa Monica, offering Mindful Awareness training programs in Integrative Mind-Body psychotherapy,
Transformational Leadership, and Mindfulness Awareness practices. Ron teaches clinical training groups for professionals, nationally and internationally, synthesizing Buddhist psychology, somatic psychotherapy, and Eriksonian mind/body healing. He is the author of
Wise Mind Open Mind: Finding Purpose and Meaning in Times of Crisis, Loss and Change (2009).

Trudy Goodman, EdM,
is Executive Director and Founder of InsightLA, a non-profit organization for secular mindfulness education and Vipassana meditation training, she teaches extensively in the field of meditation and psychotherapy at conferences and retreats nationwide. In 1995, she co-founded the very first Institute for Meditation and Psychotherapy in Cambridge, MA, where she lived and taught at the Cambridge Buddhist Association from 1991-98. Trudy has studied Buddhist meditation for 35 years with Asian and Western teachers, and is also an affiliate teacher at Spirit Rock Meditation Center, Woodacre, California. Contributing Author: Mindfulness and Psychotherapy; (Guilford, 2005), and Clinical Handbook of Mindfulness (Springer, 2008).

Stephen Johnson, PhD, MFT,
is a psychotherapist, consultant, and educator for over 35 years in Beverly Hills & Woodland Hills. He founded the Center for Holistic Psychology, (1974) and The Men‘s Center of Los Angeles (1988). In addition to his co-ed retreats, Stephen created the Sacred Path Men‘s Retreat and the Call to Adventure Rites of Passage Retreat for fathers and sons, boys and mentors. While at USC, Stephen researched the “Benefits of Yoga Therapy on Self-Concept,
Conflict Resolution, and Emotional Adjustment.” In the mid-seventies he assisted Leonard Orr in his pioneering work with the powerful breathing process called Rebirthing. Stephen‘s new book, Man Up! What it takes to be a Good Man Today will be available in 2010.

Marjorie Schuman, PhD,
is a psychologist who practices psychotherapy and psychoanalysis in Santa Monica. Her life-long passion for understanding the nature of consciousness led her to professional training in neural science and psychopharmacology, then to clinical psychology and ultimately to psychoanalysis. Alongside this academic background, she has, since 1974, been a practitioner of Vipassana meditation and student of Buddhism. Marjorie is a member of the faculty at the Los Angeles Institute for Psychoanalytic Studies and is co-founder of the Center for Mindfulness and Psychotherapy in Santa Monica. She practices, teaches, and writes about a therapeutic approach, ‚“contemplative relational psychotherapy,” which weaves together contemporary psychoanalysis and Buddhist psychology.

Participants attending this workshop will learn:

• clinical skills in mindfulness meditation and how to apply

them to group therapy;

• how to develop “Antidote Remedies” and work with unwholesome

and wholesome thought patterns utilizing mindfulness, cognitive

therapy, and methods of Buddhist psychology;

• How to align ourselves with the constant flow of change that is our life.

• how to refocus attention to being present;

• the power of meditative breathing to enhance stress reduction;

• how the Mindfulness practices of non-resistance, patience, stillness,

refraining, simplicity, solitude, and discernment can be the antidote

to “mind-filled-ness.”

• how separation and belonging are understood in psychoanalytic

psychotherapy and how this differs from the view in Buddhist

psychology;

• and discover for themselves how mindfulness meditation can

illuminate the experience of being with others.

Mindfulness is not new. It‘s part of what makes us human—the capacity to be fully conscious and aware. By becoming aware of what is occurring within and around us, we can begin to untangle ourselves from mental preoccupations and difficult emotions. To truly understand mindfulness we have to experience it directly.

Release of Ron Alexander's Book: Wise Mind Open Mind

Come Celebrate the Release of Wise Mind, Open Mind and Emotional Freedom

Sunday, September 20th

1:00 pm to 4:00 pm (Workshop)

4:00 pm to 5:00 pm (Booksigning)

Exhale Center for Sacred Movement, Venice, CA

Tickets: http://www.exhalespa.com/locations/venice/ or 310-450-7676

Mindfulness and Healing Transformations best occur when one builds their Mindstrength through the wisdom teachings of mindfulness called Wise Mind. Crisis can cause paralyzing grief and anger, not to mention the inability to imagine a way out of suffering. You will learn the Art and Science of Mindfulness Meditation combined with tools from Positive Psychology to guide your pain and create fresh personal visions for joy, contentment and vitality. Learn the 3 step process of Wise Mind to let go of the past, tune into the present and access core creativity and move forward with passion and purpose.

Learn More About how to become more empowered and less reactive through building your mindstrength.

Wise Mind, Open Mind is available at Amazon.com, BarnsAndNoble.com

plus fine bookstores everywhere.

In Sanskrit the word for spiritual service is called "seva." To celebrate the release of Wise Mind, Open Mind, on Sept. 22nd many pioneering leaders plus myself will be stepping into our "seva" with the launch of a new and innovative website called the Open Mind Resource Center. This site will be dedicated to helping people who are going through challenging times by giving them information on the support and tools they need to transform their lives. It will also include Free downloadable gifts with no purchase necessary from our bank of experts. I will be sending out more information on it shortly.

Ronald Alexander, Ph.D. is the author of the just released book, Wise Mind, Open Mind: Finding Purpose and Meaning in Times of Crisis, Loss, and Change. He is the director of the OpenMind Training® Institute, practices mindfulness-based mind-body psychotherapy and leadership coaching in Santa Monica, CA, for individuals and corporate clients. He teaches clinical training groups for professionals in Integrated Mind-Body Psychotherapy and conducts trainings in Transformational Leadership and Mindfulness promoting excellence in organizations and corporate settings, nationally and internationally since 1970. (www.openmindtraining.com)

Ronald Alexander,PhD

1551 Ocean Avenue, Suite 230 Santa Monica, CA 90401-2110 Phone: 310.395.2243

Website: www.RonaldAlexander.com Email: zendoc@RonaldAlexander.com

Director's Message for August

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Namaste,

There were 22 present for the Men’s Mindfulness Practicum on July 18th. The age range spanned 17 to 73 with most of the ages falling along a continuum in the middle range. We gain so much from the presence of elders (take a look at the piece on Elders below) and we are inspired by the earnest pursuits of the young. The men were quite impressed with Ryan, a 17 year-old participant. He had attended the April Call to Adventure Retreat and had expressed his desire to participate in the Practicum but confided that he wouldn’t be turning 18 for a few weeks following the event and he knew that we typically require men under the age of 18 to be accompanied by an adult. I had reassured Ryan that his participation in the Call to Adventure qualified him for the Practicum and he rose to the occasion with real vim and vigor.

The day was quite powerful. The Mindfulness meditations were deep and the Rebirthing sessions were profound. The men authentically shared about their challenges and some spoke about their daily spiritual practices and how the Mindfulness tools have helped them cope with the stress and pressure of life these days. You can read some of the comments of the men below.

I will be facilitating a Mindfulness Practicum for Couples on Saturday, September 26th. This is an opportunity for you to attend with your significant other. The day will be crafted along the lines of our other Practicums to include meditations and conscious connected breathing sessions as well as Talking Stick Council rounds to share insights and discuss strategies for strengthening, balancing and revitalizing enduring relationships. If you’ve wanted to attend a Practicum with your partner, this is your chance. After this event there may be one more Practicum at Holy Spirit Retreat Center and, if so, that will be a day for women on Saturday, November 7th. I may be out of the country in early November, which would necessitate a cancellation of the November event. Mark your calendars for that one and we’ll confirm the date in the newsletter for September. You’ll find the flier and registration form for the Couples Practicum below. I suggest that you register right away to reserve your spot.

On Sunday, October 4th I will be one of the presenters on Mindfulness at the Group Psychotherapy Association of Southern California annual conference in Santa Monica. It is open to the public. More information will be available in the September newsletter.

Our 22nd Annual Fall Sacred Path Men’s Retreat is fast approaching. Commencing Thursday, October 22nd through Sunday, October 25th we will convene for the MAN UP! WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A GOOD MAN TODAY: Men, Mentors and Mindfulness Retreat. One intention of this program is to continue our exploration of Mindfulness carrying the work from our one-day Practicums into the depth and breadth of our 4-day program on the hill. We also wish to expand our mentor program to support those desiring mentoring and those wishing to evolve their capacity for mentoring others. We envision the fall men’s retreats as serving our mission of awakening the mentor within and encouraging men to do their work in the Fall and then return in the Spring to give back to younger men during our Call to Adventure Rites of Passage Retreat for fathers and sons, boys and mentors, April 15-18, 2010. See below for the October retreat flier, my letter of explanation and invitation as well as the application form. If you’re planning to attend please register early.

In July I signed a six-month agreement to pay a person to cultivate funding to support our programs. Dawn Osborne is a wonderful lady who has written grants to secure funds from private and public sources to support organizations that she wants to help. She feels a real connection with our organization and shares our passion for helping men and youths that are in need of financial assistance in order to participate in our programs. Five of us from our Executive Board put up the money to pay for the first month. We are requesting assistance from our community to pay Dawn’s monthly fee through the first of the year. Our endeavor is to raise funds to run our programs, provide scholarships and pay those on staff that have been donating their time and talents pro bono for years. If you would like to help with the fee to pay Dawn for her services please let me know. Checks can be made out to Men’s Center Los Angeles or M.C.L.A. and mailed to Men’s Center LA, 21243 Ventura Blvd., Suite 214, Woodland Hills, CA, 91364 and if you’d like to make your donation via a credit card we’ll be happy to accommodate you. Thanking you in advance for your consideration of this request.

Summer is almost over and many will return to school and work. I hope you’ve had a chance to rest and have some fun since summer arrived and, if not, bring some awareness to balancing your active lives with some recreation and relaxation before summer is over.

Wishing you my best,
Stephen Johnson

To download the flyer/application for the September 26 Couples' Practicum, click HERE

To download the flyer for the Fall '09 Men's Retreat, click HERE

To download the application for the Fall '09 Men's Retreat, click HERE

Impressions of the July 18th Mindfulness Practicum

I have been under the watchful eye of Dr. Stephen for almost a year. When the topic of retreats came up, or any kind of "breathing and meditation" techniques, I politely shunned them. That was for "others" to do. I was never a believer or practitioner of such "new age" stuff. In fact... I have lampooned therapy groups for most of my tv-sitcom career, so how could I possibly participate, or even be open to such experiences. Besides... for the most part, I was "handling" my anxiety /stress well enough. Or so I thought.
The truth was, that I was really yearning for a new "way". The old thought/behavior patterns and life disappointments had taken their toll on my 50 years. With a (2nd) divorce imminent with a woman I deeply love but deeply hurt, I needed a change. The time came when I needed something to help calm me in times of momentary self-imposed stress and anxiety. Dr. J suggested, again, the practicum which would cover breathing exercises and meditation techniques. I begrudgingly accepted Dr. J's invite to the Saturday workshop July 18th.
On the way over Saturday morning, I thought... If I just go to the beach and have a coffee and read the paper: that will be good therapy. I really didn't want to go, but on I went. Trying to be open to a much-needed change. Something had to change.
I arrived to a big hug from Rich Manners.... ok... that was nice. And after a cup of hot liquid doing an impersonation of coffee, we sat down. Dr. J sat next to me. Hard to hide in a circle. No back row. As the "talking stick" made its way around the circle, I was chuckling to myself.... "How many scenes in how many sitcoms had I worked on where we had this circle? Old jokes popped into my head. I started to focus on what was being said.... Then I started choking up a bit. Hearing these men share, even briefly, their intimate pains and concerns.
The stick got to me, I got my name out... and that was about it. I let a year and a half of pent up sadness, anger, pain and suffering out. In front of a group of men I didn't know... but in some way I felt safe. Wow... did that feel good. From that moment on... I embraced the rest of the day and was sad when it was over. To be in the intimate, comfort and truth of men, sharing, feeling without ego, without competition, was amazing. It truly opened me up to feeling better about my healing myself and gave me hope and power to feel good about my emotional recovery and helping others as well.
My demeanor has really changed since that day. I am able to step back from my anxiety/stress moments and deal with them in a whole new light.
Granted, it took the right timing for me to participate in this, but Dr. J gently kept at me to come. He knew what I had to discover... the power of mindfulness. Thank you Dr. J.... October retreat can't come soon enough for me.

Rob Schiller

* * *

Dear Steve,
Here are a few of my thoughts.

The experience of last Saturday may be called "re-birthing", but it is also a re-awakening. A re-awakening of who we really are. Most men are caught up in careers, relationships, children, and all the pressures life throws at us.
Here is a place - an opportunity- to re-discover who we really are, what is truly going on with us, and, a safe environment for men to help other men.
This is not someone doing another guy a favor, or washing his car - it is an honest heart-to-heart sharing that touches each of us in meaningful and powerful ways.
For some, if not most men, attending this event, they enter the space unsure of why they came, uncomfortable sharing feelings, and for sure, not wanting to cry in front of other men.
The transformation that occurs happens the first time one of the men shares his feelings, opens his gut, and lets it all out. Previous strangers reach out to each other. It's all right. It actually feels good to be there for someone you did not previously know. The experience is actually empowering. It is safe to be with these guys - they are just like me, just wrapped differently.
Strangers on entering this space, most, if not all, left hugging one another.
Having found out things about ourselves that each of us owns separately, we have all just shared something between each other that has enriched us.
Thank you Stephen, Mitch and Rich. You guys make it all flow so much easier.

Larry Gershman

* * *

I had a wonderful experience at the men's practicum. The sharing and openness was really resonant for me. Rarely have I felt safe and comfortable with a large group of men.

For me the most profound experience that day was the 're-birthing'. My first time doing this kind of breath work. The encouragement and support of the facilitators helped me towards a major outburst - crying. A shell was cracked. I feel like I'd been waiting for this outburst to take place for years. My feeling was not of sadness, just relief and afterwards, refreshed. For years I had been scared to let go like that, concerned I would never stop crying once I started. And really never felt I was in such a safe environment for it to take place. And I didn't feel in any way diminished or embarrassed by it - despite the five or more minutes of loud weeping and crying - I felt very much a man and honestly supported by those around me.

Something shifted. I am not sure what it is yet, but I do feel different after that experience and the day. I feel affirmed in who I am as a whole and not just the parts of me I usually expose to the world.

Thank you for this, Dr. J. and all the men who attended.

Richard Ford

* * *

It’s amazing how the universe brings the right people together at the right time. Once again I was privileged to assist the participants during the practicum, and as always, I felt that I received much more than I gave. Nineteen men with ages ranging from 18 to 73 participated, and seven were new to Sacred Path. The incredible willingness to jump in , to learn, and to participate fully was there from the first moment. During our meditations, the focus was absolute. Some of the most powerful breakthroughs in the Sacred Breathing came from the new participants, who trusted their veteran partners and the staff to keep them safe while they did their work. This type of courage is much more meaningful, as it opens a place of total vulnerability to others and of leaping into the unknown places in oneself. A great deal of emotion came rushing through during the process, and I as a staff member was strongly affected. My wife and I had just lost our 18-year-old cat the week before, and to us she was our child. During the Sacred Breathing at Holy Spirit, I was drawn into a place of deep mourning by the men crying around me, and I had to take a break to let my own sobs come and the tears flow. Sitting among the men in the room, the experience was somehow more pure for me than if I had felt this way sitting in a mixed group. Every time I attend one of the practicums, I come away totally filled with pieces of the other men who have participated with me, and for those moments, we are more than the individuals our society makes of us. For those moments we are connected at the heart.

Rich Manners

Elderhood Institute: Definition of an Elder

The elder, unlike the elderly, knows he or she owes advocacy and wisdom to others. The elderly complain about aging while elders continue to deepen their experience of living until they die. The elderly remain angry about experiences that hurt them throughout their life. They have not yet forgiven. The elderly don't celebrate long life in the way the elder does. The person expressing eldership begins each day with a sacred intention to show thanks for each new day and seeks to affirm life in others even in small ways. Because of this devotion to the celebration of life, elders elicit extraordinary deference from their community.

The archetypal elder has been the same force in most cultures over most all of time. An "archetype' is a model for a role that has survived time. Within each person is an energy and a spirit that once accessed allows a person to express eldership in the way elders have from the beginning. Just as "instincts" seem to account for recurrent behavior patterns in man, so the archetypes seem to account for recurrent psychic patterns. Psychic patterns are expressions of one's psyche: all of an individual, which is not physical. When we seek to nourish the soul through an expression of elder energy an elder role emerges. Elders' roles include:

Celebrants:
Are persons who are a source of blessing, a natural resource that can empower others
They initiate others and affirm them through unconditional positive regard

Wisdom Keepers:
Are persons who put elderhood into action by sharing their impressions and beliefs and tell their story
Their work is to synthesize wisdom from long life experience
They share their long life experience by being accessible

Earth Keepers:
Are persons who are partners with Earth and who sense they are one with nature
They are stewards, partners of both man and Earth

Mentors:
Are persons who are stirred by cooperation and consensus and who enjoy the synergy of facilitator and facilitated in co-creation
They believe the role of older people is to facilitate creativity in the young
They believe that the patterns of the past don't need to prevail and so they listen to youth

http://www.elderhood.org

In the N.F. L., What It Means to Be a Man

By William C. Rhoden

N.F.L. training camps begin next week, and with them the ritual of young players unfamiliar with a world where competition converges with unprecedented compensation and celebrity.
For the first time, two N.F.L. teams — the Giants and the Baltimore Ravens — have instituted player-driven mentorship programs in which rookies are paired with a team of veterans. The idea is that the veterans will shepherd young players through the minefield as if they were younger brothers and even sons. This means sharing triumphs and failures, painful experiences and embarrassments, and generally engaging in a level of discourse that is rare, not simply among athletes, but between men.

“We are clueless as far as what manhood really is,” said Harry Swayne, Baltimore’s director of player development and a former 17-year N.F.L. veteran. Swayne is one of three architects of the Ravens’ mentoring program.

The program, which does not have a formal name, was started last year by the Ravens, who paired rookies with eight selected veterans. The program was the result of a push from veterans who thought that player development needed to go further. The veterans felt players needed to be embraced as they entered the game and that players should engage one another at a more personal level.
The program was so successful in Baltimore that a number of veterans volunteered this year and had to be turned down because there were not enough openings.

“A lot of the veterans got more out of the mentorships than the rookies,” Swayne said.
The mentoring experiment formalizes a longstanding tradition in which a veteran would take a younger player under his wing. The Giants have assembled a team of 10 veterans who will mentor rookies beginning in September. Charles Way, the Giants’ director of player development and a five-year veteran running back for the team, said the idea of the program was to have players get beyond superficial relationships, put teammates in touch with one another and encourage them to share details of their lives and of the paths that carried them to the N.F.L.

For Way, a recent Sports Illustrated article about how many athletes end up broke despite having made millions during their careers convinced him that this type of mentoring was sorely needed.

“As much education as we do about finances, about career transition, they still don’t get it, so there has to be more,” he said. “It has to be more than sitting them down in a room and telling them this is what you should be doing with your money, this is where you should be going to get a job. It has to be more.”

More meant players sharing beliefs and exploring where those beliefs came from.
“It’s not about what players learn now but what road they took over the last two decades that shaped beliefs and behaviors,” Way said.

“We can have Warren Buffett stand in front of them and say, ‘Hey this is what you need to be doing with your money.’ But if we don’t change the values that were instilled in them for the past 21 years, they’re not going to change.”

This is an ambitious plan for professional football teams, whose primary function is winning games. Behavior, as the Giants experienced last season with Plaxico Burress, can have a negative impact on a team’s ability to win. The Giants lost Burress after he accidentally shot himself in the thigh at a nightclub, and his absence is generally cited as helping sink the Giants in the playoffs.

In an ideal world, Burress would have had a good mentor years ago and perhaps been talked through some unresolved issues rather than acting them out.

“A lot of guys don’t know what people are going through,” Way said. “People keep things personal: ‘I don’t want you to know my sister is probably a drug addict, my mom is probably strung out on crack, my brother just stole a couple thousand dollars from me, my dad just beat my mom up.’ I don’t want to know that — that’s too personal.”

Why should players want to engage in this level of intimate disclosure? The player is there to play football and win a job, not confess. “It’s going to keep you in the N.F.L. after you win that job, or it will help you keep the job you already had because now you’re not distracted,” Way said.

Swayne did have a warning for veterans who will mentor rookies: “Young men need to be told what to do, but whoever says something better make sure they’ve been given the green light to say something.”

As another season begins, pro teams, coaches and athletes continue to search for a happy medium in a competitive arena in which there appears to be so much take but very little give.