Director's Message for August

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Namaste,

There were 22 present for the Men’s Mindfulness Practicum on July 18th. The age range spanned 17 to 73 with most of the ages falling along a continuum in the middle range. We gain so much from the presence of elders (take a look at the piece on Elders below) and we are inspired by the earnest pursuits of the young. The men were quite impressed with Ryan, a 17 year-old participant. He had attended the April Call to Adventure Retreat and had expressed his desire to participate in the Practicum but confided that he wouldn’t be turning 18 for a few weeks following the event and he knew that we typically require men under the age of 18 to be accompanied by an adult. I had reassured Ryan that his participation in the Call to Adventure qualified him for the Practicum and he rose to the occasion with real vim and vigor.

The day was quite powerful. The Mindfulness meditations were deep and the Rebirthing sessions were profound. The men authentically shared about their challenges and some spoke about their daily spiritual practices and how the Mindfulness tools have helped them cope with the stress and pressure of life these days. You can read some of the comments of the men below.

I will be facilitating a Mindfulness Practicum for Couples on Saturday, September 26th. This is an opportunity for you to attend with your significant other. The day will be crafted along the lines of our other Practicums to include meditations and conscious connected breathing sessions as well as Talking Stick Council rounds to share insights and discuss strategies for strengthening, balancing and revitalizing enduring relationships. If you’ve wanted to attend a Practicum with your partner, this is your chance. After this event there may be one more Practicum at Holy Spirit Retreat Center and, if so, that will be a day for women on Saturday, November 7th. I may be out of the country in early November, which would necessitate a cancellation of the November event. Mark your calendars for that one and we’ll confirm the date in the newsletter for September. You’ll find the flier and registration form for the Couples Practicum below. I suggest that you register right away to reserve your spot.

On Sunday, October 4th I will be one of the presenters on Mindfulness at the Group Psychotherapy Association of Southern California annual conference in Santa Monica. It is open to the public. More information will be available in the September newsletter.

Our 22nd Annual Fall Sacred Path Men’s Retreat is fast approaching. Commencing Thursday, October 22nd through Sunday, October 25th we will convene for the MAN UP! WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A GOOD MAN TODAY: Men, Mentors and Mindfulness Retreat. One intention of this program is to continue our exploration of Mindfulness carrying the work from our one-day Practicums into the depth and breadth of our 4-day program on the hill. We also wish to expand our mentor program to support those desiring mentoring and those wishing to evolve their capacity for mentoring others. We envision the fall men’s retreats as serving our mission of awakening the mentor within and encouraging men to do their work in the Fall and then return in the Spring to give back to younger men during our Call to Adventure Rites of Passage Retreat for fathers and sons, boys and mentors, April 15-18, 2010. See below for the October retreat flier, my letter of explanation and invitation as well as the application form. If you’re planning to attend please register early.

In July I signed a six-month agreement to pay a person to cultivate funding to support our programs. Dawn Osborne is a wonderful lady who has written grants to secure funds from private and public sources to support organizations that she wants to help. She feels a real connection with our organization and shares our passion for helping men and youths that are in need of financial assistance in order to participate in our programs. Five of us from our Executive Board put up the money to pay for the first month. We are requesting assistance from our community to pay Dawn’s monthly fee through the first of the year. Our endeavor is to raise funds to run our programs, provide scholarships and pay those on staff that have been donating their time and talents pro bono for years. If you would like to help with the fee to pay Dawn for her services please let me know. Checks can be made out to Men’s Center Los Angeles or M.C.L.A. and mailed to Men’s Center LA, 21243 Ventura Blvd., Suite 214, Woodland Hills, CA, 91364 and if you’d like to make your donation via a credit card we’ll be happy to accommodate you. Thanking you in advance for your consideration of this request.

Summer is almost over and many will return to school and work. I hope you’ve had a chance to rest and have some fun since summer arrived and, if not, bring some awareness to balancing your active lives with some recreation and relaxation before summer is over.

Wishing you my best,
Stephen Johnson

To download the flyer/application for the September 26 Couples' Practicum, click HERE

To download the flyer for the Fall '09 Men's Retreat, click HERE

To download the application for the Fall '09 Men's Retreat, click HERE

Impressions of the July 18th Mindfulness Practicum

I have been under the watchful eye of Dr. Stephen for almost a year. When the topic of retreats came up, or any kind of "breathing and meditation" techniques, I politely shunned them. That was for "others" to do. I was never a believer or practitioner of such "new age" stuff. In fact... I have lampooned therapy groups for most of my tv-sitcom career, so how could I possibly participate, or even be open to such experiences. Besides... for the most part, I was "handling" my anxiety /stress well enough. Or so I thought.
The truth was, that I was really yearning for a new "way". The old thought/behavior patterns and life disappointments had taken their toll on my 50 years. With a (2nd) divorce imminent with a woman I deeply love but deeply hurt, I needed a change. The time came when I needed something to help calm me in times of momentary self-imposed stress and anxiety. Dr. J suggested, again, the practicum which would cover breathing exercises and meditation techniques. I begrudgingly accepted Dr. J's invite to the Saturday workshop July 18th.
On the way over Saturday morning, I thought... If I just go to the beach and have a coffee and read the paper: that will be good therapy. I really didn't want to go, but on I went. Trying to be open to a much-needed change. Something had to change.
I arrived to a big hug from Rich Manners.... ok... that was nice. And after a cup of hot liquid doing an impersonation of coffee, we sat down. Dr. J sat next to me. Hard to hide in a circle. No back row. As the "talking stick" made its way around the circle, I was chuckling to myself.... "How many scenes in how many sitcoms had I worked on where we had this circle? Old jokes popped into my head. I started to focus on what was being said.... Then I started choking up a bit. Hearing these men share, even briefly, their intimate pains and concerns.
The stick got to me, I got my name out... and that was about it. I let a year and a half of pent up sadness, anger, pain and suffering out. In front of a group of men I didn't know... but in some way I felt safe. Wow... did that feel good. From that moment on... I embraced the rest of the day and was sad when it was over. To be in the intimate, comfort and truth of men, sharing, feeling without ego, without competition, was amazing. It truly opened me up to feeling better about my healing myself and gave me hope and power to feel good about my emotional recovery and helping others as well.
My demeanor has really changed since that day. I am able to step back from my anxiety/stress moments and deal with them in a whole new light.
Granted, it took the right timing for me to participate in this, but Dr. J gently kept at me to come. He knew what I had to discover... the power of mindfulness. Thank you Dr. J.... October retreat can't come soon enough for me.

Rob Schiller

* * *

Dear Steve,
Here are a few of my thoughts.

The experience of last Saturday may be called "re-birthing", but it is also a re-awakening. A re-awakening of who we really are. Most men are caught up in careers, relationships, children, and all the pressures life throws at us.
Here is a place - an opportunity- to re-discover who we really are, what is truly going on with us, and, a safe environment for men to help other men.
This is not someone doing another guy a favor, or washing his car - it is an honest heart-to-heart sharing that touches each of us in meaningful and powerful ways.
For some, if not most men, attending this event, they enter the space unsure of why they came, uncomfortable sharing feelings, and for sure, not wanting to cry in front of other men.
The transformation that occurs happens the first time one of the men shares his feelings, opens his gut, and lets it all out. Previous strangers reach out to each other. It's all right. It actually feels good to be there for someone you did not previously know. The experience is actually empowering. It is safe to be with these guys - they are just like me, just wrapped differently.
Strangers on entering this space, most, if not all, left hugging one another.
Having found out things about ourselves that each of us owns separately, we have all just shared something between each other that has enriched us.
Thank you Stephen, Mitch and Rich. You guys make it all flow so much easier.

Larry Gershman

* * *

I had a wonderful experience at the men's practicum. The sharing and openness was really resonant for me. Rarely have I felt safe and comfortable with a large group of men.

For me the most profound experience that day was the 're-birthing'. My first time doing this kind of breath work. The encouragement and support of the facilitators helped me towards a major outburst - crying. A shell was cracked. I feel like I'd been waiting for this outburst to take place for years. My feeling was not of sadness, just relief and afterwards, refreshed. For years I had been scared to let go like that, concerned I would never stop crying once I started. And really never felt I was in such a safe environment for it to take place. And I didn't feel in any way diminished or embarrassed by it - despite the five or more minutes of loud weeping and crying - I felt very much a man and honestly supported by those around me.

Something shifted. I am not sure what it is yet, but I do feel different after that experience and the day. I feel affirmed in who I am as a whole and not just the parts of me I usually expose to the world.

Thank you for this, Dr. J. and all the men who attended.

Richard Ford

* * *

It’s amazing how the universe brings the right people together at the right time. Once again I was privileged to assist the participants during the practicum, and as always, I felt that I received much more than I gave. Nineteen men with ages ranging from 18 to 73 participated, and seven were new to Sacred Path. The incredible willingness to jump in , to learn, and to participate fully was there from the first moment. During our meditations, the focus was absolute. Some of the most powerful breakthroughs in the Sacred Breathing came from the new participants, who trusted their veteran partners and the staff to keep them safe while they did their work. This type of courage is much more meaningful, as it opens a place of total vulnerability to others and of leaping into the unknown places in oneself. A great deal of emotion came rushing through during the process, and I as a staff member was strongly affected. My wife and I had just lost our 18-year-old cat the week before, and to us she was our child. During the Sacred Breathing at Holy Spirit, I was drawn into a place of deep mourning by the men crying around me, and I had to take a break to let my own sobs come and the tears flow. Sitting among the men in the room, the experience was somehow more pure for me than if I had felt this way sitting in a mixed group. Every time I attend one of the practicums, I come away totally filled with pieces of the other men who have participated with me, and for those moments, we are more than the individuals our society makes of us. For those moments we are connected at the heart.

Rich Manners

Elderhood Institute: Definition of an Elder

The elder, unlike the elderly, knows he or she owes advocacy and wisdom to others. The elderly complain about aging while elders continue to deepen their experience of living until they die. The elderly remain angry about experiences that hurt them throughout their life. They have not yet forgiven. The elderly don't celebrate long life in the way the elder does. The person expressing eldership begins each day with a sacred intention to show thanks for each new day and seeks to affirm life in others even in small ways. Because of this devotion to the celebration of life, elders elicit extraordinary deference from their community.

The archetypal elder has been the same force in most cultures over most all of time. An "archetype' is a model for a role that has survived time. Within each person is an energy and a spirit that once accessed allows a person to express eldership in the way elders have from the beginning. Just as "instincts" seem to account for recurrent behavior patterns in man, so the archetypes seem to account for recurrent psychic patterns. Psychic patterns are expressions of one's psyche: all of an individual, which is not physical. When we seek to nourish the soul through an expression of elder energy an elder role emerges. Elders' roles include:

Celebrants:
Are persons who are a source of blessing, a natural resource that can empower others
They initiate others and affirm them through unconditional positive regard

Wisdom Keepers:
Are persons who put elderhood into action by sharing their impressions and beliefs and tell their story
Their work is to synthesize wisdom from long life experience
They share their long life experience by being accessible

Earth Keepers:
Are persons who are partners with Earth and who sense they are one with nature
They are stewards, partners of both man and Earth

Mentors:
Are persons who are stirred by cooperation and consensus and who enjoy the synergy of facilitator and facilitated in co-creation
They believe the role of older people is to facilitate creativity in the young
They believe that the patterns of the past don't need to prevail and so they listen to youth

http://www.elderhood.org

In the N.F. L., What It Means to Be a Man

By William C. Rhoden

N.F.L. training camps begin next week, and with them the ritual of young players unfamiliar with a world where competition converges with unprecedented compensation and celebrity.
For the first time, two N.F.L. teams — the Giants and the Baltimore Ravens — have instituted player-driven mentorship programs in which rookies are paired with a team of veterans. The idea is that the veterans will shepherd young players through the minefield as if they were younger brothers and even sons. This means sharing triumphs and failures, painful experiences and embarrassments, and generally engaging in a level of discourse that is rare, not simply among athletes, but between men.

“We are clueless as far as what manhood really is,” said Harry Swayne, Baltimore’s director of player development and a former 17-year N.F.L. veteran. Swayne is one of three architects of the Ravens’ mentoring program.

The program, which does not have a formal name, was started last year by the Ravens, who paired rookies with eight selected veterans. The program was the result of a push from veterans who thought that player development needed to go further. The veterans felt players needed to be embraced as they entered the game and that players should engage one another at a more personal level.
The program was so successful in Baltimore that a number of veterans volunteered this year and had to be turned down because there were not enough openings.

“A lot of the veterans got more out of the mentorships than the rookies,” Swayne said.
The mentoring experiment formalizes a longstanding tradition in which a veteran would take a younger player under his wing. The Giants have assembled a team of 10 veterans who will mentor rookies beginning in September. Charles Way, the Giants’ director of player development and a five-year veteran running back for the team, said the idea of the program was to have players get beyond superficial relationships, put teammates in touch with one another and encourage them to share details of their lives and of the paths that carried them to the N.F.L.

For Way, a recent Sports Illustrated article about how many athletes end up broke despite having made millions during their careers convinced him that this type of mentoring was sorely needed.

“As much education as we do about finances, about career transition, they still don’t get it, so there has to be more,” he said. “It has to be more than sitting them down in a room and telling them this is what you should be doing with your money, this is where you should be going to get a job. It has to be more.”

More meant players sharing beliefs and exploring where those beliefs came from.
“It’s not about what players learn now but what road they took over the last two decades that shaped beliefs and behaviors,” Way said.

“We can have Warren Buffett stand in front of them and say, ‘Hey this is what you need to be doing with your money.’ But if we don’t change the values that were instilled in them for the past 21 years, they’re not going to change.”

This is an ambitious plan for professional football teams, whose primary function is winning games. Behavior, as the Giants experienced last season with Plaxico Burress, can have a negative impact on a team’s ability to win. The Giants lost Burress after he accidentally shot himself in the thigh at a nightclub, and his absence is generally cited as helping sink the Giants in the playoffs.

In an ideal world, Burress would have had a good mentor years ago and perhaps been talked through some unresolved issues rather than acting them out.

“A lot of guys don’t know what people are going through,” Way said. “People keep things personal: ‘I don’t want you to know my sister is probably a drug addict, my mom is probably strung out on crack, my brother just stole a couple thousand dollars from me, my dad just beat my mom up.’ I don’t want to know that — that’s too personal.”

Why should players want to engage in this level of intimate disclosure? The player is there to play football and win a job, not confess. “It’s going to keep you in the N.F.L. after you win that job, or it will help you keep the job you already had because now you’re not distracted,” Way said.

Swayne did have a warning for veterans who will mentor rookies: “Young men need to be told what to do, but whoever says something better make sure they’ve been given the green light to say something.”

As another season begins, pro teams, coaches and athletes continue to search for a happy medium in a competitive arena in which there appears to be so much take but very little give.