Join us as we gather to celebrate A Day For Men Fund Raiser to support the Men’s Center Los Angeles and Sacred Path Productions on Saturday, February 6, 2010. This event is designed to be a mini-retreat offering a sense of unity as we introduce new participants to the men of our community. If you are interested in learning more about us, and what we do on our longer retreats, this is your opportunity.
All profits remaining after expenses from this one-day retreat are dedicated to paying the costs to operate the company and to produce the ongoing events. Partial scholarships are available upon request. We will also make a donation to support Andrew Soliz and his cousin Thomas as they travel to the Lakota Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota. In addition to the men of the Sacred Path Wisdom Council and guest facilitators in their expertise, Andrew will be present on the 6th to offer some traditional ceremonial ways for the day. For those that cannot participate on the 6th or who wish to send an additional donation to assist Thomas I’m including a message from Andrew:
Mitakuyape,
There is something I wish to say. I have run lodges for you all for a number of years. It is my honor to do so. Recently I have brought my cousin Thomas (Holy White Wolf) with me. Many of you have met him and shared prayers and ceremony with Thomas. I love my cousin and will do anything for him. Thomas is sick and in need of our traditional medicine. I will be driving Thomas to South Dakota on February 16 to get the help he needs. I am doing all that I can to make this happen but I can't do it alone. This trip will cost around $2500.00. I understand that there is hardship on all of us and I know that collectively we can make this happen. Any donation will help. You can send your support to Sacred Ways, P.O. Box 1800, Ojai Ca. 93024.
I would also like to thank Stephen Johnson for allowing this message to go out to the community. Thank you in advance for your support. Wopila Tonka.
Peace,
Andrew “Walking Buffalo”
I hope you will join us for this day of solidarity as we gather together, men of all ages, for a day to explore what it means to be a good man today. Use the links below to read more about this event and to register.
In brotherhood,
Stephen
To Download the Flyer/Application for the February 6, 2010 DAY FOR MEN, Click HERE
For further information, click HERE to view the Day for Men program agenda; also click HERE to view the Director's message for January
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Haitian Crisis/February 6 Day for Men
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Sacred Path Community,
Our hearts go out en masse to the Haitian people and their loved ones who are suffering the devastating losses of their relatives and friends. We are all witnessing the rescue effort and realize that much help is needed. In addition to our prayers and meditative practices, it is indicated that donating money is what’s really needed right now. For those who wish to contribute, the following is a list of ways to do so. If you text a donation using your cell phone the donation will appear on your phone bill. If you go to the various sites listed below on the Internet, you will find ways to donate and use your credit card. In addition to these resources there are many local churches and synagogues that support Haiti missions. If you contact a local organization I'm sure they can direct you to the most effective way to give without falling victim to unscrupulous opportunists. Many roads lead to supporting the help efforts. This Friday at 8pm, eleven broadcast and cable networks will televise a two-hour telethon, Hope for Haiti to benefit victims of last week's earthquake. ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX, CNN, BET, CW, HBO, MTV, VH1 and CMT will air the special in the US and MTV Networks International, CNN International and National Geographic channels will air it worldwide. Hope for Haiti, hosted by George Clooney, the Haitian-American musician Wyclef Jean and CNN's Anderson Cooper, will feature about twelve other celebrities.
Donate using your cell phone
Text "HAITI" to 90999 to donate $10 to Red Cross relief efforts
Text "HAITI" to 20222 to donate $10 to the Clinton Foundation relief efforts
Also: Contribute online to Doctors Without Borders
2009 was a challenging year for most, and as always, we wish for the best to follow as we enter the New Year. It’s difficult to necessarily predict what will eventuate this coming year, but I believe we have enough evidence to suggest that we’re squarely in the throes of a universal spiritual expansion of consciousness of major dimension leading up to December of 2012. Crises like the earthquake in Haiti do provide an opportunity for diverse countries to unite through merging humanitarian efforts. It’s a way for the world to come together and experience the importance of coalescing for a significant cause.
From another perspective, I was recently sharing with the members of the Sacred Path Wisdom Council my observations that men of all ages continue to be tested, and especially men in their 30’s and 40’s seem to be facing some major learning opportunities these days. For example, the fall that Tiger Woods has taken may turn out to be the most prominent Katabasis that we have witnessed in modern day. As in all generations, the journey that takes us through midlife presents challenges that can be harrowing, and for this current generation of men it is no exception.
In fact, I sense that the cycle we’re currently in is propelling and compounding the lessons for most. I further sense that younger men really need the support of older men who have experienced much of what they’re contending with, which strengthens my conviction that what we provide through MCLA/Sacred Path is still vital and necessary, maybe even more so now. In other words, the younger men need the elders to guide them through the rocky waters. And, the older men need to be around the younger men to remind them to remain open, flexible, resilient and youthful.
If you agree with me, then I’m sure you have your own perceptions, observations and conclusions that all that we have done for ourselves and others in years past has been in some ways a preparation for dealing with what will undoubtedly surface over the next few years.
The Day for Men on Saturday, February 6th is designed to provide an opportunity for men that have already been participating with us to reconnect as well as to offer for those that are being introduced to our community a taste of what we do on retreat. We can commence with some drumming, a meditation and ceremony. I believe Andrew Soliz will be able to participate with us. Associate Directors Steve Branker and Dan Franklin as well as many men from the Wisdom Council will be in attendance. In addition to our large group community council time, I envision some small group work in two sections during the day. Before lunch we will divide the participants into groups based on various themes. I have asked Nick Rath to lead a group for those interested in parenting issues, and Dr. Howard Elkin has accepted my invitation to lead the group interested in health issues. We can also have groups focused on relationship- and recovery-oriented concerns as well as other topics that might surface during the check-in round. After the community time following lunch we’ll divide the participants into groups based on age and then close the day with an open forum. The number and size of the groups will be determined based on the number of participants that register for the day. I’m envisioning a strong showing for this program as a launch for the New Year.
I invite and encourage you to participate. I truly feel that these one-day gatherings of men provide personal support for the individual participants as well as solidarity for the community. I believe you know that we host these one-day events as fund-raisers for MCLA/SP to raise money to cover ongoing operational costs. We have reduced the registration fee to $125. Over the past two years the fee had been $150 for the one-day retreats. We’re also offering partial scholarships for those in need. If you attend the Day for Men on the 6th and plan to register for the spring Sacred Path Retreat (April 15-18), you will receive a discounted fee for the April retreat. You can follow the links below to further information about the Gathering of Men event on February 6th and the registration form. See you there.
In as much as we wish we could be there to lay hands on those that are suffering so, it is helpful to at least remember to take periodic Mindfulness time-outs from our busy days to stop and meditate on the Haitian people, breathing in their suffering and breathing out love, peace and light for their healing and recovery. This is a Tonglen Buddhist meditative practice based on “sending and receiving.” It’s also described as exchanging self for other. In the practice of Tonglen, we breathe in whatever feels bad and we send out whatever feels good. Buddhist Nun Pema Chodron states in her book, Comfortable with Uncertainty, “You breathe in for yourself, in the sense that pain is a personal and real experience, but simultaneously there’s no doubt that you’re developing your kinship with all beings. If you can know it in yourself, you can know it in everyone… This practice cuts through culture, economic status, intelligence, race, religion… Everybody feels it in the painful way you feel it. The story lines vary, but the underlying feeling is the same for all of us… If you’re willing to drop the story line, you feel exactly what all other human beings feel. It’s shared by all of us. In this way if we do the practice personally and genuinely, it awakens our sense of kinship with all beings.” This helps to awaken our experience that we are all members of one massive spiritual family.
In the spirit of brotherhood,
Stephen
To Download the Flyer/Application for the February 6, 2010 DAY FOR MEN, Click HERE
Sacred Path Community,
Our hearts go out en masse to the Haitian people and their loved ones who are suffering the devastating losses of their relatives and friends. We are all witnessing the rescue effort and realize that much help is needed. In addition to our prayers and meditative practices, it is indicated that donating money is what’s really needed right now. For those who wish to contribute, the following is a list of ways to do so. If you text a donation using your cell phone the donation will appear on your phone bill. If you go to the various sites listed below on the Internet, you will find ways to donate and use your credit card. In addition to these resources there are many local churches and synagogues that support Haiti missions. If you contact a local organization I'm sure they can direct you to the most effective way to give without falling victim to unscrupulous opportunists. Many roads lead to supporting the help efforts. This Friday at 8pm, eleven broadcast and cable networks will televise a two-hour telethon, Hope for Haiti to benefit victims of last week's earthquake. ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX, CNN, BET, CW, HBO, MTV, VH1 and CMT will air the special in the US and MTV Networks International, CNN International and National Geographic channels will air it worldwide. Hope for Haiti, hosted by George Clooney, the Haitian-American musician Wyclef Jean and CNN's Anderson Cooper, will feature about twelve other celebrities.
Donate using your cell phone
Text "HAITI" to 90999 to donate $10 to Red Cross relief efforts
Text "HAITI" to 20222 to donate $10 to the Clinton Foundation relief efforts
Also: Contribute online to Doctors Without Borders
2009 was a challenging year for most, and as always, we wish for the best to follow as we enter the New Year. It’s difficult to necessarily predict what will eventuate this coming year, but I believe we have enough evidence to suggest that we’re squarely in the throes of a universal spiritual expansion of consciousness of major dimension leading up to December of 2012. Crises like the earthquake in Haiti do provide an opportunity for diverse countries to unite through merging humanitarian efforts. It’s a way for the world to come together and experience the importance of coalescing for a significant cause.
From another perspective, I was recently sharing with the members of the Sacred Path Wisdom Council my observations that men of all ages continue to be tested, and especially men in their 30’s and 40’s seem to be facing some major learning opportunities these days. For example, the fall that Tiger Woods has taken may turn out to be the most prominent Katabasis that we have witnessed in modern day. As in all generations, the journey that takes us through midlife presents challenges that can be harrowing, and for this current generation of men it is no exception.
In fact, I sense that the cycle we’re currently in is propelling and compounding the lessons for most. I further sense that younger men really need the support of older men who have experienced much of what they’re contending with, which strengthens my conviction that what we provide through MCLA/Sacred Path is still vital and necessary, maybe even more so now. In other words, the younger men need the elders to guide them through the rocky waters. And, the older men need to be around the younger men to remind them to remain open, flexible, resilient and youthful.
If you agree with me, then I’m sure you have your own perceptions, observations and conclusions that all that we have done for ourselves and others in years past has been in some ways a preparation for dealing with what will undoubtedly surface over the next few years.
The Day for Men on Saturday, February 6th is designed to provide an opportunity for men that have already been participating with us to reconnect as well as to offer for those that are being introduced to our community a taste of what we do on retreat. We can commence with some drumming, a meditation and ceremony. I believe Andrew Soliz will be able to participate with us. Associate Directors Steve Branker and Dan Franklin as well as many men from the Wisdom Council will be in attendance. In addition to our large group community council time, I envision some small group work in two sections during the day. Before lunch we will divide the participants into groups based on various themes. I have asked Nick Rath to lead a group for those interested in parenting issues, and Dr. Howard Elkin has accepted my invitation to lead the group interested in health issues. We can also have groups focused on relationship- and recovery-oriented concerns as well as other topics that might surface during the check-in round. After the community time following lunch we’ll divide the participants into groups based on age and then close the day with an open forum. The number and size of the groups will be determined based on the number of participants that register for the day. I’m envisioning a strong showing for this program as a launch for the New Year.
I invite and encourage you to participate. I truly feel that these one-day gatherings of men provide personal support for the individual participants as well as solidarity for the community. I believe you know that we host these one-day events as fund-raisers for MCLA/SP to raise money to cover ongoing operational costs. We have reduced the registration fee to $125. Over the past two years the fee had been $150 for the one-day retreats. We’re also offering partial scholarships for those in need. If you attend the Day for Men on the 6th and plan to register for the spring Sacred Path Retreat (April 15-18), you will receive a discounted fee for the April retreat. You can follow the links below to further information about the Gathering of Men event on February 6th and the registration form. See you there.
In as much as we wish we could be there to lay hands on those that are suffering so, it is helpful to at least remember to take periodic Mindfulness time-outs from our busy days to stop and meditate on the Haitian people, breathing in their suffering and breathing out love, peace and light for their healing and recovery. This is a Tonglen Buddhist meditative practice based on “sending and receiving.” It’s also described as exchanging self for other. In the practice of Tonglen, we breathe in whatever feels bad and we send out whatever feels good. Buddhist Nun Pema Chodron states in her book, Comfortable with Uncertainty, “You breathe in for yourself, in the sense that pain is a personal and real experience, but simultaneously there’s no doubt that you’re developing your kinship with all beings. If you can know it in yourself, you can know it in everyone… This practice cuts through culture, economic status, intelligence, race, religion… Everybody feels it in the painful way you feel it. The story lines vary, but the underlying feeling is the same for all of us… If you’re willing to drop the story line, you feel exactly what all other human beings feel. It’s shared by all of us. In this way if we do the practice personally and genuinely, it awakens our sense of kinship with all beings.” This helps to awaken our experience that we are all members of one massive spiritual family.
In the spirit of brotherhood,
Stephen
To Download the Flyer/Application for the February 6, 2010 DAY FOR MEN, Click HERE
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Director's Message for January 2010
January 1, 2010
On this first day of the New Year I send you greetings and well wishes for a healthy, happy and prosperous 2010. As I sit to write to you I wonder how many of you take the time to actually read the newsletter? I realize that there is a lot to read these days and I, too, find myself limited in terms of my capacity to peruse as many of the informative newsletters that arrive each month. It is our intention, through the newsletter and blog, to keep you informed of the events that MCLA/Sacred Path are presenting as well as to provide information that we believe is newsworthy. Have you noticed that our blog has a comments area following each section? It is appreciated and would be helpful if you added a brief comment to let us know how you feel about what we’re offering.
Yesterday my wife, one of my children, and I took in the experience of the movie Avatar. If you haven’t seen it I highly recommend it. The film, as a cinematic extravaganza and creative adventure, hits the bulls-eye. The message of the movie hits squarely in my heart. Not only is it poignant as it pertains to unlearned lessons still confronting humanity today, but it is also a wake-up call concerning the future of our very civilization.
Graham Hancock expresses his concern this way, “It’s said that those who forget the mistakes of the past are doomed to repeat them.”
Myths from all around the world speak of a golden age of humanity brought to an abrupt end by our own arrogance, greed and overweening lust for power. The Atlantis story is not alone in this respect, but just one of hundreds of similar ‘myths’ that testify to a great forgotten episode in human prehistory – a civilization with advanced technological accomplishments that severed its connections to its own spiritual roots and thus ‘angered the gods’, ‘lost the mandate of heaven’ and was destroyed.
Destroyed so completely, Plato says, that the survivors had to begin again like children with almost no memory of what went before.
Is ours the next lost civilization? Will what we have built and created with our global scientific culture be swept away, lost beneath the sea or ground to dust and scattered by the winds? Will we be remembered in some future age for our flying machines, our ability to travel thousands of miles in a single day, even to reach the moon and planets, our magical devices in which we were able to witness distant events, our almost unbelievable technology, our unimaginable wealth and abundance – as though from a time when the gods walked the earth? Will we be looked back on as a people who lived through a golden age and squandered it utterly?
In mythical terms, it has to be said, such an outcome looks chillingly likely. For it is hard to imagine a civilization that has more completely severed its connections to the spiritual roots of all being than our own – a society that fells the sacred rainforests and replaces them with soy bean farms, a society that preserves not only the wealth and privileges of the few but also the grinding poverty and suffering of the many, a society that makes war with terrible weapons and spreads hatred like a virus across the planet, a society that has forgotten how to love.
Perhaps this was why the ancient Maya, keepers of a calendar of unknown origin and surpassing technological complexity, chose to transmit a warning to us? Perhaps as their great visionaries journeyed through the dimension of time they saw this defining moment that we call 21 December 2012 and mapped it out for us in order to alert us to the doom that we alone – not the universe, not blessed mother earth – have the power to bring down on our own heads.
And perhaps it is not too late. For if the Maya were able to peer into the future then they will have also seen that nothing is inevitable, that the power of choice remains with us – each one of us as individuals, each society, each alliance of nations and ultimately the whole of mankind. So although it cannot be doubted that we do indeed stand at a crossroads today, the Maya also saw that we are not compelled to choose the road that leads to ruin and destruction.
But a new state of consciousness will have to be birthed amongst us if we are to avert disaster – if we are to take the right road, the good road, that leads to a brighter tomorrow. And this is entirely possible, not in the blink of an eye, not without hard work and dedication, but nonetheless possible.”
Daniel Pinchbeck states, “The possibility for a rapid regeneration of human culture is predicated on a great awakening happening quickly – before ecological meltdown leads to systemic breakdown. People need to awaken spiritually, to realize the many dimensions of psychic life beyond those accepted by modern society, and at the same time, bring those realizations down into the daily lives and social practices. Spiritual realization needs to be integrated with social commitment and direct action. Since the biosphere is now directly threatened by our post-industrial civilization, retreat from society is no longer possible or desirable. No matter whether we like it or not, each of us, inevitably, is a social and political agent whose smallest actions have a direct influence on other people and the world around us. Our current culture enshrines irresponsibility, greed, and waste. If the human species wants to survive, the civilization that replaces this one is going to have a different set of values and a revamped operating system.”
Graham Hancock and Daniel Pinchbeck will be keynote speakers at the 2012: Tipping Point Prophets Conference in Cancun Jan. 22-28, along with Jose Arguelles, Stanislav Grof and others. www.greatmystery.org/events/cancun2012.html
Avatar was also deeply moving for me because I kept picturing and hearing our beloved brother Timothy “Whispering Eagle” Aquilar who would express as he gazed deeply into our eyes and souls, “I see you.” Andrew Soliz told us at Timothy’s Memorial that it was the custom of indigenous peoples to grieve the loss of a loved one over 12 full moons. With the presence of the blue moon at the end of December, 13 full moons have passed since Timothy left us last year on January 3rd. I have grieved his passing with each full moon and reflect often on the depth of the conversations that we would have regarding what concerned us and what we intended to do about it.
Theosophist teacher J. Krishnamurti summed it up this way, “We were saying how very important it is to bring about in the human mind the radical revolution. The crisis is the crisis in consciousness, a crisis that cannot anymore accept the old norms, the old patterns, the ancient traditions, and continuing what the world is now, with all the misery, conflict, destructive brutality, aggression and so on. Man is still as he was, is still brutal, violent, aggressive, acquisitive, competitive, and he has built a society along these lines.
What we’re trying to do in all these discussions and talks is to see if we cannot radically bring about the transformation of the mind, not accept things as they are but understand it, examine it, give your heart and your mind with a thinking out a way of living differently.
But, it depends on you, not somebody else, because in this there is no teacher, no pupil. There’s no leader. There’s no guru. There’s no master, no savior. You are the teacher, the pupil, the leader, the guru of everything and to understand is to transform.”
On Saturday, February 6th MCLA/Sacred Path will host a Gathering for Men at Holy Spirit Retreat Center in Encino. This is a day designated for men of all ages to come together to take up matters of concern on a personal level as well as what we can do to make a positive difference in our families, our immediate communities and the world at large. We have made a reduction in the cost of this event and are also offering partial scholarships to those that are feeling the pinch financially. These events serve as fund-raisers for the organization as well as opportunities to create reunions for those who have participated in our events and opportunities for new men to have an experience of who we are as a community of men seeking to improve our lives. I hope you will consider joining us for a day of interactive learning and engaging communication. Men who attend the Feb. 6th event will receive a discount on their registration for the spring retreat. Read about the day for men and sign up below.
Mark your calendars now for the 23rd Annual Spring Sacred Path and 11th Annual Call to Adventure Retreat, April 15-18, 2010. More information and registration packet will be available at the beginning of February.
Blessings to you and yours,
Stephen
To Download the Flyer/Application for the February 6, 2010 DAY FOR MEN, Click HERE
On this first day of the New Year I send you greetings and well wishes for a healthy, happy and prosperous 2010. As I sit to write to you I wonder how many of you take the time to actually read the newsletter? I realize that there is a lot to read these days and I, too, find myself limited in terms of my capacity to peruse as many of the informative newsletters that arrive each month. It is our intention, through the newsletter and blog, to keep you informed of the events that MCLA/Sacred Path are presenting as well as to provide information that we believe is newsworthy. Have you noticed that our blog has a comments area following each section? It is appreciated and would be helpful if you added a brief comment to let us know how you feel about what we’re offering.
Yesterday my wife, one of my children, and I took in the experience of the movie Avatar. If you haven’t seen it I highly recommend it. The film, as a cinematic extravaganza and creative adventure, hits the bulls-eye. The message of the movie hits squarely in my heart. Not only is it poignant as it pertains to unlearned lessons still confronting humanity today, but it is also a wake-up call concerning the future of our very civilization.
Graham Hancock expresses his concern this way, “It’s said that those who forget the mistakes of the past are doomed to repeat them.”
Myths from all around the world speak of a golden age of humanity brought to an abrupt end by our own arrogance, greed and overweening lust for power. The Atlantis story is not alone in this respect, but just one of hundreds of similar ‘myths’ that testify to a great forgotten episode in human prehistory – a civilization with advanced technological accomplishments that severed its connections to its own spiritual roots and thus ‘angered the gods’, ‘lost the mandate of heaven’ and was destroyed.
Destroyed so completely, Plato says, that the survivors had to begin again like children with almost no memory of what went before.
Is ours the next lost civilization? Will what we have built and created with our global scientific culture be swept away, lost beneath the sea or ground to dust and scattered by the winds? Will we be remembered in some future age for our flying machines, our ability to travel thousands of miles in a single day, even to reach the moon and planets, our magical devices in which we were able to witness distant events, our almost unbelievable technology, our unimaginable wealth and abundance – as though from a time when the gods walked the earth? Will we be looked back on as a people who lived through a golden age and squandered it utterly?
In mythical terms, it has to be said, such an outcome looks chillingly likely. For it is hard to imagine a civilization that has more completely severed its connections to the spiritual roots of all being than our own – a society that fells the sacred rainforests and replaces them with soy bean farms, a society that preserves not only the wealth and privileges of the few but also the grinding poverty and suffering of the many, a society that makes war with terrible weapons and spreads hatred like a virus across the planet, a society that has forgotten how to love.
Perhaps this was why the ancient Maya, keepers of a calendar of unknown origin and surpassing technological complexity, chose to transmit a warning to us? Perhaps as their great visionaries journeyed through the dimension of time they saw this defining moment that we call 21 December 2012 and mapped it out for us in order to alert us to the doom that we alone – not the universe, not blessed mother earth – have the power to bring down on our own heads.
And perhaps it is not too late. For if the Maya were able to peer into the future then they will have also seen that nothing is inevitable, that the power of choice remains with us – each one of us as individuals, each society, each alliance of nations and ultimately the whole of mankind. So although it cannot be doubted that we do indeed stand at a crossroads today, the Maya also saw that we are not compelled to choose the road that leads to ruin and destruction.
But a new state of consciousness will have to be birthed amongst us if we are to avert disaster – if we are to take the right road, the good road, that leads to a brighter tomorrow. And this is entirely possible, not in the blink of an eye, not without hard work and dedication, but nonetheless possible.”
Daniel Pinchbeck states, “The possibility for a rapid regeneration of human culture is predicated on a great awakening happening quickly – before ecological meltdown leads to systemic breakdown. People need to awaken spiritually, to realize the many dimensions of psychic life beyond those accepted by modern society, and at the same time, bring those realizations down into the daily lives and social practices. Spiritual realization needs to be integrated with social commitment and direct action. Since the biosphere is now directly threatened by our post-industrial civilization, retreat from society is no longer possible or desirable. No matter whether we like it or not, each of us, inevitably, is a social and political agent whose smallest actions have a direct influence on other people and the world around us. Our current culture enshrines irresponsibility, greed, and waste. If the human species wants to survive, the civilization that replaces this one is going to have a different set of values and a revamped operating system.”
Graham Hancock and Daniel Pinchbeck will be keynote speakers at the 2012: Tipping Point Prophets Conference in Cancun Jan. 22-28, along with Jose Arguelles, Stanislav Grof and others. www.greatmystery.org/events/cancun2012.html
Avatar was also deeply moving for me because I kept picturing and hearing our beloved brother Timothy “Whispering Eagle” Aquilar who would express as he gazed deeply into our eyes and souls, “I see you.” Andrew Soliz told us at Timothy’s Memorial that it was the custom of indigenous peoples to grieve the loss of a loved one over 12 full moons. With the presence of the blue moon at the end of December, 13 full moons have passed since Timothy left us last year on January 3rd. I have grieved his passing with each full moon and reflect often on the depth of the conversations that we would have regarding what concerned us and what we intended to do about it.
Theosophist teacher J. Krishnamurti summed it up this way, “We were saying how very important it is to bring about in the human mind the radical revolution. The crisis is the crisis in consciousness, a crisis that cannot anymore accept the old norms, the old patterns, the ancient traditions, and continuing what the world is now, with all the misery, conflict, destructive brutality, aggression and so on. Man is still as he was, is still brutal, violent, aggressive, acquisitive, competitive, and he has built a society along these lines.
What we’re trying to do in all these discussions and talks is to see if we cannot radically bring about the transformation of the mind, not accept things as they are but understand it, examine it, give your heart and your mind with a thinking out a way of living differently.
But, it depends on you, not somebody else, because in this there is no teacher, no pupil. There’s no leader. There’s no guru. There’s no master, no savior. You are the teacher, the pupil, the leader, the guru of everything and to understand is to transform.”
On Saturday, February 6th MCLA/Sacred Path will host a Gathering for Men at Holy Spirit Retreat Center in Encino. This is a day designated for men of all ages to come together to take up matters of concern on a personal level as well as what we can do to make a positive difference in our families, our immediate communities and the world at large. We have made a reduction in the cost of this event and are also offering partial scholarships to those that are feeling the pinch financially. These events serve as fund-raisers for the organization as well as opportunities to create reunions for those who have participated in our events and opportunities for new men to have an experience of who we are as a community of men seeking to improve our lives. I hope you will consider joining us for a day of interactive learning and engaging communication. Men who attend the Feb. 6th event will receive a discount on their registration for the spring retreat. Read about the day for men and sign up below.
Mark your calendars now for the 23rd Annual Spring Sacred Path and 11th Annual Call to Adventure Retreat, April 15-18, 2010. More information and registration packet will be available at the beginning of February.
Blessings to you and yours,
Stephen
Timothy "Whispering Eagle" Aguilar, Dr. Stephen Johnson, Andrew Soliz
To Download the Flyer/Application for the February 6, 2010 DAY FOR MEN, Click HERE
February 6, 2010 - A Day for Men
In January of 2007 I conducted the first of a series of 6 colloquiums for men that were offered throughout the year followed by a series of 12 Mindfulness Practicums during 2008 and 2009 for men, women and couples. A Colloquium is an informal conference in which deep conversation can take place concerning issues pertinent to our lives today and the Practicums were opportunities to experientially work with the Mindfulness practices. The age range of those in attendance spanned the teen-age years up through the 70’s. The general consensus of the participants was that each man had been in the company of other good men.
I was struck by how many of the men indicated that they left the workshops feeling a heightened sense of gratitude for their lives. Not necessarily because they compared themselves to others and felt better than, but because they felt like they weren’t alone or different. There was an awareness that something could be gained from what each man was sharing. It was apparent that everyone had something that they were contending with like a health crisis, relationship issue, parenting challenge, concern about work and money, unrequited longing, dealing with growing older, retirement, the quality of life and facing mortality.
General anxiety about age and the passage of time was indeed a topic of discussion. One of the men in his thirties told me that it profoundly affected him to hear the older men talk about how they are dealing with aging. He said, “I never consider that. I’m too busy thinking about my work, my marriage, my children and other responsibilities. I have other anxieties.” He also said that he greatly benefited from the comments offered by the older men who shared insights from their own learning experiences when they were younger.
During the first Colloquium, the challenges that men confront within their primary relationships became the main thrust of the afternoon discussion in Council format. Relationship struggles do seem to dominate men’s lives. I was told that a number of men left with a more focused sense of clarity about what needed to be done to deal with the relationship issue presented. One man remarked that he awakened to a clearer understanding of what integrity really means and what he needed to do to bring his life into greater alignment.
It’s been my experience that things start taking on a trajectory and pulling you forward in a certain direction. Then you sit back and examine what you are doing, and it can be unnerving. There are many ways that people are trying to keep up with the pace and demands that life puts on them today. Men shared about their coping mechanisms. Some seem to be working well and others not so well; however, many men left the event with a renewed sense of how they wanted to redirect the focus of their concerns and reduce the stress that leads to their feeling depressed and anxious.
I was pleased with the level of candor and honesty expressed by the men. It seemed that any tendency to judge oneself or others harshly was buffered with empathy, understanding and compassion. The expressed humor helped to lighten the more serious aspects of the day. A little levity goes a long way. I heard from many that they returned home with an openness and loving attitude that they shared with loved ones.
I have reserved the dates for 3 events in 2010 to be conducted at Holy Spirit Retreat Center in Encino. The first of these will be a day for men on Saturday, February 6th. The event will commence with a meditation and my opening remarks. I will offer commentary on a variety of topics throughout the day. Then we’ll proceed with a round of check ins allowing each man to introduce himself and speak briefly about whatever has been on his mind. We have a morning snack followed by lunch at noon and an afternoon snack. We’ll break into discussion groups based on age and topics of interest and concern. We’ll conclude the day with bringing the whole group back together to review the topics of discussion, work with the suggestions and potential solutions to dealing with the challenges confronting the men and have a round of check outs focused on take-aways.
The $125 fee for the Colloquium includes program, snacks and lunch. We would like to introduce new men to our community. I truly hope that you will consider registering for this event and bringing a man with you that has not participated before. One-day events are great opportunities for men to get a sense of what we do on our longer retreats. This can also serve as a day to reunite the men that were together on the October retreat and get a leg up for the Spring Retreat, April 15-18, 2010.
In brotherhood,
Stephen
To Download the Flyer/Application for the February 6, 2010 DAY FOR MEN, Click HERE
I was struck by how many of the men indicated that they left the workshops feeling a heightened sense of gratitude for their lives. Not necessarily because they compared themselves to others and felt better than, but because they felt like they weren’t alone or different. There was an awareness that something could be gained from what each man was sharing. It was apparent that everyone had something that they were contending with like a health crisis, relationship issue, parenting challenge, concern about work and money, unrequited longing, dealing with growing older, retirement, the quality of life and facing mortality.
General anxiety about age and the passage of time was indeed a topic of discussion. One of the men in his thirties told me that it profoundly affected him to hear the older men talk about how they are dealing with aging. He said, “I never consider that. I’m too busy thinking about my work, my marriage, my children and other responsibilities. I have other anxieties.” He also said that he greatly benefited from the comments offered by the older men who shared insights from their own learning experiences when they were younger.
During the first Colloquium, the challenges that men confront within their primary relationships became the main thrust of the afternoon discussion in Council format. Relationship struggles do seem to dominate men’s lives. I was told that a number of men left with a more focused sense of clarity about what needed to be done to deal with the relationship issue presented. One man remarked that he awakened to a clearer understanding of what integrity really means and what he needed to do to bring his life into greater alignment.
It’s been my experience that things start taking on a trajectory and pulling you forward in a certain direction. Then you sit back and examine what you are doing, and it can be unnerving. There are many ways that people are trying to keep up with the pace and demands that life puts on them today. Men shared about their coping mechanisms. Some seem to be working well and others not so well; however, many men left the event with a renewed sense of how they wanted to redirect the focus of their concerns and reduce the stress that leads to their feeling depressed and anxious.
I was pleased with the level of candor and honesty expressed by the men. It seemed that any tendency to judge oneself or others harshly was buffered with empathy, understanding and compassion. The expressed humor helped to lighten the more serious aspects of the day. A little levity goes a long way. I heard from many that they returned home with an openness and loving attitude that they shared with loved ones.
I have reserved the dates for 3 events in 2010 to be conducted at Holy Spirit Retreat Center in Encino. The first of these will be a day for men on Saturday, February 6th. The event will commence with a meditation and my opening remarks. I will offer commentary on a variety of topics throughout the day. Then we’ll proceed with a round of check ins allowing each man to introduce himself and speak briefly about whatever has been on his mind. We have a morning snack followed by lunch at noon and an afternoon snack. We’ll break into discussion groups based on age and topics of interest and concern. We’ll conclude the day with bringing the whole group back together to review the topics of discussion, work with the suggestions and potential solutions to dealing with the challenges confronting the men and have a round of check outs focused on take-aways.
The $125 fee for the Colloquium includes program, snacks and lunch. We would like to introduce new men to our community. I truly hope that you will consider registering for this event and bringing a man with you that has not participated before. One-day events are great opportunities for men to get a sense of what we do on our longer retreats. This can also serve as a day to reunite the men that were together on the October retreat and get a leg up for the Spring Retreat, April 15-18, 2010.
In brotherhood,
Stephen
To Download the Flyer/Application for the February 6, 2010 DAY FOR MEN, Click HERE
What Happened to the Men's Movement?
The following is an interview with Stephen J. Johnson, Ph.D., Executive Director of the Men’s Center Los Angeles conducted in May of 1994 by Ellis Cose, a contributing editor for Newsweek Magazine. This interview was included in Mr. Cose’s book, A Man’s World: How Real Is Male Privilege – and How High Is Its Price? (Harper Collins, 1995).
COSE: Probably the place to start is with the fact that you obviously have something called the Men’s Center. I was looking through some of the articles that had been done and there were several references to the Men’s Center and the fact that you give talks and seminars on men’s issues. Why is that of particular interest to you?
JOHNSON: I started out working a lot with women, as did most of the male psychotherapists that were licensed back in the sixties and seventies. Men were not exploring their psyches then, and women were. The women’s movement is now about 30 years old. So a new generation of women, 30 years ago, was beginning to figure out that there was an urgent need to explore their issues, to come together in unity and to create some kind of a power base. At the time the women’s movement was essentially about establishing equality with men. Now, the women’s movement is much more about balance of power. Early on, men didn’t have a clue about what was going on in their outer worlds, let alone what was going on in their inner worlds, but they started reacting to this movement within women, which is what eventually steered them toward therapy as well. They started coming in slowly and now we are finding a much higher percentage of men who are willing to explore their own souls.
My personal interest in men’s work evolved from my own midlife crisis, which I went through from 38 to 43. And as do most men when they get into their mid-thirties, I looked within and asked myself whether I was happy, whether my life was going in the right direction and whether my goals were still salient. I realized that I was pretty confused about life. Many men at this point in their lives find that they’ve been climbing their own ladders only to discover that they're leaning against somebody else’s wall. I decided that it was imperative to take up the question of what my life was about and particularly what it meant to be a balanced male in relationship to other human beings on the planet. I turned my attention to issues concerned with the male psyche and balanced masculinity in an attempt to further understand my raison d’etre. It was an intensely existential period, which I likened to a journey into the dark night of the soul.
COSE: Are you finding that that’s what men in their 30’s and early 40’s are primarily going through?
JOHNSON: Yes. I work a lot with men who are in their 30’s and 40’s who, when they hit midlife, start asking these kinds of questions. Men who are a little older, however, those who are in their mid 50’s to mid 60’s, are usually dealing with issues around aging and the quality of their lifestyles in the future. And then those who are 70 and older are dealing with issues around health, mortality and completion. But men of my generation who were in the 35 - 45 age range, which comprised the baby-boomers who have always been movers and shakers, were asking the questions concerning the quality of present life and wondering what life would be like for future generations. They were concerned with where they would fit in with the ever-increasing global changes.
COSE: When you say the global changes, are you talking economic?
JOHNSON: Economic changes, environmental conditions, human rights, et cetera. People, in general, are pretty much aware that things are rapidly changing as we’re exiting this millennium. There are certain kinds of changes that are happening worldwide, in our own communities and in the global villages that are pretty astounding. So people are asking what this all means and how will it impact their own lives.
For instance, a number of men with whom I work that were moving at a very fast pace or were on a fast track during the 80’s are now scaling down and making new career and personal choices that are reflected in a revision of their material aspirations. They are bringing their personal lives more in alignment with their view of a new world order.
COSE: Now is that a matter of choice or is it a matter of the downsizing and the corporate restructuring that has been going on? Or is it a combination of both?
JOHNSON: A combination of both. But a lot of them have come up against the glass ceiling, or got caught in a bottleneck and were forced to change, and probably would not have had they not hit the wall. So what they realize is that it’s a good opportunity to reevaluate, do some soul searching, to look at where they are spiritually.
COSE: Is it your sense that the questions that men are asking now are somewhat different then, say, your father would have asked?
JOHNSON: Yes, very different. I think that men these days are questioning where they’re going and wondering whether they will be able to attain their desired lifestyle. It is less predetermined than it was for my father’s generation. He came through World War II, moved to California, established a family and career and ostensibly lived “the great American dream”. Men of that era were asking the question: “How long will it take to create what I want?” These days, younger men and especially those who are in their 20’s, the ones that have been branded as Generation X, experience a certain amount of hopelessness, helplessness and despair. The outlook is somewhat bleak. So they’re asking the question: “What’s the point of even trying?”
COSE: Where does the hopelessness, the helplessness, the despair come from? What’s the genesis of that?
JOHNSON: I think that it has a lot to do with the dismantling of the family structure, the breakdown of traditions and increased intolerance in the way people relate to each other. Essentially, this results in fragmentation and alienation within families, communities, neighboring villages and nations. It tends to give the impression that things are getting worse rather than better.
COSE: When you say the dismantling of the family structure, are we talking about divorce or are we talking about something other than that?
JOHNSON: Well, I am talking about divorce, as well as what appears to be a breakdown of traditional values and family rituals that have typically served to hold communities together. Additionally, people en masse exited churches and synagogues during the 60’s and 70’s...during the God-is-dead movement, which has contributed to an awful lot of the demise of social graces, ethical standards, principles and values. Churches and Synagogues have traditionally served as the town hall meeting place and a main source of support for family life. It’s endemic that within the white community we see a divorce rate of over 50 percent and one that is dramatically higher within the black family. With as many fathers out of the house, it’s troubling to realize just how many American families are being raised by single mothers. The burden is very significant.
COSE: A lot of fathers are now raising children who weren’t their biological children.
JOHNSON: There are many more blended families now in which fathers are parenting stepchildren, and we are also witnessing a trend toward more single fathers having primary custody of their children. Many men, if they are in the role of father, and they’re serious about it, are striving to be good fathers. They feel a responsibility to do a better job than their own fathers did, and oftentimes they have a much greater appreciation for the difficulty that their own fathers had.
COSE: And there’s a paradox in that, it seems, as I’m sure you know, divorce rates are much higher now than they were 30 or 40 years ago. So, if there’s a desire to do a better job, it seems that at least in some sense, people are doing a worse job. At least as indicated by those statistics. How are men grappling with that in your practice? Are they sort of re-embracing more of conventional values, or are they just kind of making their peace with that reality?
JOHNSON: We have at the Men’s Center a very strong emphasis on family. There is a tendency for men to get pulled out of or flee from families. And if we can create a new kind of container, if you will, that allows them to stabilize and to really evaluate the issues at hand, they will realize that it’s not simply about moving out, but rather about moving in and dealing with the internal conflict. More men want to stay in their families these days. They are not as cavalier about moving out as they were in the 70’s and 80’s.
Of course some men are choosing to divorce and need help in developing support systems around them so that they can go through the process without shattering. This is preferable, also, over feeling stuck in a bad marriage and ultimately living a life of quiet desperation. A lot of men just don’t have allies. They haven’t developed friendships. They’re very isolated. So, community building, in which we attempt to assist men in creating relationships with other men, is a primary function of the Men’s Center.
For men who are trying to stay in families, much of what we do is focused around bringing men together to understand what the issues are that they have to deal with. If they are willing, we encourage them to consciously rechoose the family structure as a vehicle that supports their spiritual evolution, psychological development and overall maturity.
COSE: Now, a very basic question. Where is the men’s movement today?
JOHNSON: The first ten years at least of what’s called the men’s movement were about repairing the wounds to the soul that were created by dysfunctional relationships between fathers and sons. After giving years of attention to the relationship with their fathers, men have come to discover that they have some real work to do with respect to their relationships with their mothers. They now realize the need of more intimately understanding what women are seeking in a positive relationship. We are learning how to construct a bridge to span the distinctly different emotional languages between men and women. We are seeing more books written about gender dynamics by people such as Deborah Tannen, John Gray, Aaron Kipnis and Elizabeth Heron. We are learning that it is possible to appreciate the differences with greater acceptance rather than resentment. It’s so tempting to fall into misunderstanding that we need all the help that we can get.
COSE: How large is the group of men who are concerned with these issues? Are we talking about a small percentage of men, or most men, or somewhere in between?
JOHNSON: I’m not really sure. But, what I noticed last year at the Mendocino Men’s Leadership Conference was that the 125 men in attendance who have been working with men over the years are saying that the real work that lies before us is in the trenches. We need to be of greater service to our communities. We need to create more mentor relationships with fatherless boys who are at risk of dropping out of school, or getting involved with gangs or drugs. We need to be working with men who are at risk of getting caught up in our penal system. There are men who need help reintegrating back into society from prison. We need to be working with men who are sexual offenders or are prone to domestic violence. Men’s Work is, of necessity, taking on a more serious approach now.
We urgently need a men’s social justice network in which men of all ages join forces to attain a higher profile in our cities in order to stabilize them and take them back from those who would squander our valuable resources. Fortunately, service organizations like the Knights of Columbus, the Brotherhood of the Elks and Moose, and the Masons to name a few, are opening their doors to younger men. During the 60’s and 70’s there was a generation gap between men who supported our presence in Vietnam and those who protested, between the long hairs and the short hairs, between older men and younger men. Attendance had dropped severely and many of the organizations were in danger of shutting down. Within these organizations today there’s less of that kind of disparity. There’s more mutual understanding, harmony and good spirited communication between men of all ages, races and belief systems.
COSE: What’s driving that, this new seriousness?
JOHNSON: Well, I think, partly it has to do with the fact that the baby boom generation has come of age. We are older and wiser now. We have become parents with responsibilities and important decisions to make. We have a president who is of our generation so there is a greater feeling of representation. We feel that we have a power base from which we can get something accomplished and we, as latter-day flower children of the sixties, are accustomed to working together for a common goal. When the problems are no longer isolated to some other part of the world but rather on your own doorstep it becomes more than just a wake-up call. It’s right here; it’s in your face. So, it’s time to make a positive difference; it’s time for a change.
COSE: To what extent are men reacting, not necessarily to the women’s movement but to competition from women in the workplace?
JOHNSON: There’s no question that there is some feeling of competition, because back in the 50’s there was only 14 percent of married women in the work force, whereas today it’s 65 percent. There is also a new work ethic. We can no longer count on the corporate structure to act as a benevolent parent. Employers are not going to take care of us in the ways that we were used to in years past. Generous retirement and health plans are too costly in the era of downsizing. Jobs are being eliminated for men who are in mid-life at an alarmingly faster rate than before and at a time when financial pressures are usually the hardest with college age children and aging parents to support. The younger generation, often referred to as the busters, is nipping at the heels of the boomers and making them very nervous. The busters are very adaptable, computer literate, quick paced, and will work for less income. The boomers are realizing that they are all-too-fast becoming the elders of society without the respect or loyalty that their parents were accustomed to. It’s a whole new ball game for older men who still feel that they must be the primary breadwinner while at the same time feeling elbowed aside by women vying for positions on the ladder to success and youngsters in a hurry to carve out a piece of the pie. Couple this with issues around sexual harassment and other confusing gender dynamics and you have a fairly beleaguering set of circumstances. Warren Farrell’s The Myth of Male Power, Aaron Kipnis’s Knights Without Armor and Jed Diamond’s The Warrior’s Journey Home among other books, speak to the realization that men tend to feel just as victimized as do women by a system that chews up individuals unmercifully. We need to stop blaming each other and work together to create a new paradigm.
COSE: How would you respond to a woman, or to anyone, who says, “Hey, wait a minute. It’s still a man’s world. Men are still running things. Men are still in control of things. What do you mean that men are feeling elbowed aside?”
JOHNSON: I know that a case can be made for the belief that it’s still a man’s world. I don’t necessarily feel that way, however. Last year was touted as being the year of the woman. There are more and more opportunities for women and more and more evidence that men are not as privileged as they used to be. A leveling-out effect is taking place. We are moving toward greater mutuality. There is an element, however, that does not recognize what is taking place. The issue is not with feminists in general, since many men in the men’s movement were among the original feminists. There are many men who are sympathetic to women’s issues and many women who care deeply about what men are encountering. The difficulty arises from the angry element of society, be it men or women, that has axes to grind. Often, it’s the radical feminists, male and female, who express the more cynical sentiments about men. These individuals typically carry the unhealed wounds of past relationships with men. They may have been victimized by a man on one or more occasion and tend to view all men as falling somewhere along the perpetrator scale. Those that have empathy for the difficulties that plague men and women alike are more equitable in their assessment of this struggle for gender justice.
COSE: I would assume that the men that you tend to interact with most are men who are fairly progressive, men who are concerned, who are empathetic, yet who are serious about true gender equality and feminism. Now there are a lot of men who aren’t. And I was just wondering if you have any observations on what this era will mean for those men who don’t really consider themselves particularly progressive.
JOHNSON: There are those men who are angry; who feel disenfranchised... who feel that someone has something that rightfully should belong to them. They are the men that tend to probably be less formally educated, less involved in their own emotional and spiritual growth, and haven’t done therapy. In other words, they haven’t really held their feet to the fire in order to fully explore their own issues. These men tend to be hypersensitive, feeling that society hasn’t given them a fair shake. As they look around, everywhere they see roadblocks. They don’t see opportunities, or the ability to get ahead. These men tend to find a lot of different reasons why things aren’t working for them. They don’t take enough personal responsibility, but instead cast blame on women, government, minorities and the like. They will be left behind if they do not choose to evolve. I would encourage any man who identifies with even some of what I have described to get involved with other men who are seeking recovery and healing from past wounds... who are making the shift from a victim mentality into one of greater accountability. There is a lot more support now for men who are willing to change.
COSE: I understand that you are working on a book. Can you tell me a little about it?
JOHNSON: The working title of the book is rather provocative. It’s DANGEROUS WOMEN And the Men Who Fall for Them. My intent in writing this is certainly not about characterizing all women as dangerous but rather identifying a particular type of woman who tends to collude with a man in being involved in his downfall. I found repeatedly in my practice with men the tendency for them to be attracted to highly desirable and irresistible women who later revealed treacherous characteristics. I became fascinated with this syndrome where men, often at the pinnacle of success, get involved in disastrous relationships that bring about their fall from grace, if you will. It’s sort of like when your dream woman becomes your worst nightmare. There have been numerous public figures that have acted out this drama. It’s a book designed to help men to avoid these pitfalls, to extricate themselves from highly dysfunctional relationships and to gain greater appreciation for hearth and home. I’ve also found that most women are sympathetic towards this problem and are very concerned about the toll that these kinds of relationships take on themselves and the men in their lives.
COSE: Is the most significant thing that’s going on now what you referred to earlier as the trench work? Or, at least the inclination to turn in that direction? Or, are there other things that strike you as really significant?
JOHNSON: Obviously, as I stated earlier, I feel that gender reconciliation is very significant, creating forums for men and women to come together, and to explore the issues in a very cogent and considerate fashion. I think that multicultural work is very important. The men’s movement will have very little value if it does not become much more multicultural. It cannot just be about white guys going out into the forest to learn to drum and dance. It’s got to be about men of all ethnicities coming together to understand each other and work in unity to solve the problems endemic to our communities. There are multicultural conferences being convened by Robert Bly, Michael Meade, Malidoma Somé and others in various parts of the country each year. In certain respects there’s a sort of neo-tribalism that’s at the core of the men’s movement, which is a reaching back into the ancestral and ancient ways that customarily held traditional families and societies together. We’ve lost a lot of the ancient teachings and we need to readopt them.
At the Men’s Center we offer a program to work with men who are sexual offenders or who have issues regarding their sexuality. We are initiating a domestic violence program to help men who are batterers or who have been battered. The O. J. Simpson case has brought this issue much more out of the closet. We have a neuro-feedback program to assist men who have attention deficit disorder or difficulties dealing with stress or who are prone to addictive behavior. Our prisons are filled with men that really need help and rehabilitation rather than just incarceration. This is where the men’s social justice network can serve as a preventive approach to helping men who are having difficulties with conduct disorder. We’re also interested in the crisis of homelessness. We are involved with Ted Hayes and his Genesis 1 project to assist the homeless to reintegrate back into society. I think that issues around men’s health are very important. Men still have this notion that they don’t need to go to doctors. Prostate cancer, the number two cause of death among males, could be dramatically reduced if men past the age of 40 would simply go through a routine exam once a year. We need to get much more information concerning men’s health out into mainstream awareness in order to assist men in making sound decisions regarding their well-being.
These are the issues that are most important today. It’s about justice and mutuality for the genders, stabilizing the family, improving parenting skills, repairing shattered communities and building bridges to brotherhood. It’s in the trenches. The work is really in the streets.
As of 2010 Dr. Stephen J. Johnson has been an educator and psychotherapist for 40 years. As the Founder and Executive Director of the Men’s Center Los Angeles he specializes in men’s issues, gender dynamics, relationship and family counseling. His web sites are: www.DrStephenJohnson.com and www.MensCenterLosAngeles.com
COSE: Probably the place to start is with the fact that you obviously have something called the Men’s Center. I was looking through some of the articles that had been done and there were several references to the Men’s Center and the fact that you give talks and seminars on men’s issues. Why is that of particular interest to you?
JOHNSON: I started out working a lot with women, as did most of the male psychotherapists that were licensed back in the sixties and seventies. Men were not exploring their psyches then, and women were. The women’s movement is now about 30 years old. So a new generation of women, 30 years ago, was beginning to figure out that there was an urgent need to explore their issues, to come together in unity and to create some kind of a power base. At the time the women’s movement was essentially about establishing equality with men. Now, the women’s movement is much more about balance of power. Early on, men didn’t have a clue about what was going on in their outer worlds, let alone what was going on in their inner worlds, but they started reacting to this movement within women, which is what eventually steered them toward therapy as well. They started coming in slowly and now we are finding a much higher percentage of men who are willing to explore their own souls.
My personal interest in men’s work evolved from my own midlife crisis, which I went through from 38 to 43. And as do most men when they get into their mid-thirties, I looked within and asked myself whether I was happy, whether my life was going in the right direction and whether my goals were still salient. I realized that I was pretty confused about life. Many men at this point in their lives find that they’ve been climbing their own ladders only to discover that they're leaning against somebody else’s wall. I decided that it was imperative to take up the question of what my life was about and particularly what it meant to be a balanced male in relationship to other human beings on the planet. I turned my attention to issues concerned with the male psyche and balanced masculinity in an attempt to further understand my raison d’etre. It was an intensely existential period, which I likened to a journey into the dark night of the soul.
COSE: Are you finding that that’s what men in their 30’s and early 40’s are primarily going through?
JOHNSON: Yes. I work a lot with men who are in their 30’s and 40’s who, when they hit midlife, start asking these kinds of questions. Men who are a little older, however, those who are in their mid 50’s to mid 60’s, are usually dealing with issues around aging and the quality of their lifestyles in the future. And then those who are 70 and older are dealing with issues around health, mortality and completion. But men of my generation who were in the 35 - 45 age range, which comprised the baby-boomers who have always been movers and shakers, were asking the questions concerning the quality of present life and wondering what life would be like for future generations. They were concerned with where they would fit in with the ever-increasing global changes.
COSE: When you say the global changes, are you talking economic?
JOHNSON: Economic changes, environmental conditions, human rights, et cetera. People, in general, are pretty much aware that things are rapidly changing as we’re exiting this millennium. There are certain kinds of changes that are happening worldwide, in our own communities and in the global villages that are pretty astounding. So people are asking what this all means and how will it impact their own lives.
For instance, a number of men with whom I work that were moving at a very fast pace or were on a fast track during the 80’s are now scaling down and making new career and personal choices that are reflected in a revision of their material aspirations. They are bringing their personal lives more in alignment with their view of a new world order.
COSE: Now is that a matter of choice or is it a matter of the downsizing and the corporate restructuring that has been going on? Or is it a combination of both?
JOHNSON: A combination of both. But a lot of them have come up against the glass ceiling, or got caught in a bottleneck and were forced to change, and probably would not have had they not hit the wall. So what they realize is that it’s a good opportunity to reevaluate, do some soul searching, to look at where they are spiritually.
COSE: Is it your sense that the questions that men are asking now are somewhat different then, say, your father would have asked?
JOHNSON: Yes, very different. I think that men these days are questioning where they’re going and wondering whether they will be able to attain their desired lifestyle. It is less predetermined than it was for my father’s generation. He came through World War II, moved to California, established a family and career and ostensibly lived “the great American dream”. Men of that era were asking the question: “How long will it take to create what I want?” These days, younger men and especially those who are in their 20’s, the ones that have been branded as Generation X, experience a certain amount of hopelessness, helplessness and despair. The outlook is somewhat bleak. So they’re asking the question: “What’s the point of even trying?”
COSE: Where does the hopelessness, the helplessness, the despair come from? What’s the genesis of that?
JOHNSON: I think that it has a lot to do with the dismantling of the family structure, the breakdown of traditions and increased intolerance in the way people relate to each other. Essentially, this results in fragmentation and alienation within families, communities, neighboring villages and nations. It tends to give the impression that things are getting worse rather than better.
COSE: When you say the dismantling of the family structure, are we talking about divorce or are we talking about something other than that?
JOHNSON: Well, I am talking about divorce, as well as what appears to be a breakdown of traditional values and family rituals that have typically served to hold communities together. Additionally, people en masse exited churches and synagogues during the 60’s and 70’s...during the God-is-dead movement, which has contributed to an awful lot of the demise of social graces, ethical standards, principles and values. Churches and Synagogues have traditionally served as the town hall meeting place and a main source of support for family life. It’s endemic that within the white community we see a divorce rate of over 50 percent and one that is dramatically higher within the black family. With as many fathers out of the house, it’s troubling to realize just how many American families are being raised by single mothers. The burden is very significant.
COSE: A lot of fathers are now raising children who weren’t their biological children.
JOHNSON: There are many more blended families now in which fathers are parenting stepchildren, and we are also witnessing a trend toward more single fathers having primary custody of their children. Many men, if they are in the role of father, and they’re serious about it, are striving to be good fathers. They feel a responsibility to do a better job than their own fathers did, and oftentimes they have a much greater appreciation for the difficulty that their own fathers had.
COSE: And there’s a paradox in that, it seems, as I’m sure you know, divorce rates are much higher now than they were 30 or 40 years ago. So, if there’s a desire to do a better job, it seems that at least in some sense, people are doing a worse job. At least as indicated by those statistics. How are men grappling with that in your practice? Are they sort of re-embracing more of conventional values, or are they just kind of making their peace with that reality?
JOHNSON: We have at the Men’s Center a very strong emphasis on family. There is a tendency for men to get pulled out of or flee from families. And if we can create a new kind of container, if you will, that allows them to stabilize and to really evaluate the issues at hand, they will realize that it’s not simply about moving out, but rather about moving in and dealing with the internal conflict. More men want to stay in their families these days. They are not as cavalier about moving out as they were in the 70’s and 80’s.
Of course some men are choosing to divorce and need help in developing support systems around them so that they can go through the process without shattering. This is preferable, also, over feeling stuck in a bad marriage and ultimately living a life of quiet desperation. A lot of men just don’t have allies. They haven’t developed friendships. They’re very isolated. So, community building, in which we attempt to assist men in creating relationships with other men, is a primary function of the Men’s Center.
For men who are trying to stay in families, much of what we do is focused around bringing men together to understand what the issues are that they have to deal with. If they are willing, we encourage them to consciously rechoose the family structure as a vehicle that supports their spiritual evolution, psychological development and overall maturity.
COSE: Now, a very basic question. Where is the men’s movement today?
JOHNSON: The first ten years at least of what’s called the men’s movement were about repairing the wounds to the soul that were created by dysfunctional relationships between fathers and sons. After giving years of attention to the relationship with their fathers, men have come to discover that they have some real work to do with respect to their relationships with their mothers. They now realize the need of more intimately understanding what women are seeking in a positive relationship. We are learning how to construct a bridge to span the distinctly different emotional languages between men and women. We are seeing more books written about gender dynamics by people such as Deborah Tannen, John Gray, Aaron Kipnis and Elizabeth Heron. We are learning that it is possible to appreciate the differences with greater acceptance rather than resentment. It’s so tempting to fall into misunderstanding that we need all the help that we can get.
COSE: How large is the group of men who are concerned with these issues? Are we talking about a small percentage of men, or most men, or somewhere in between?
JOHNSON: I’m not really sure. But, what I noticed last year at the Mendocino Men’s Leadership Conference was that the 125 men in attendance who have been working with men over the years are saying that the real work that lies before us is in the trenches. We need to be of greater service to our communities. We need to create more mentor relationships with fatherless boys who are at risk of dropping out of school, or getting involved with gangs or drugs. We need to be working with men who are at risk of getting caught up in our penal system. There are men who need help reintegrating back into society from prison. We need to be working with men who are sexual offenders or are prone to domestic violence. Men’s Work is, of necessity, taking on a more serious approach now.
We urgently need a men’s social justice network in which men of all ages join forces to attain a higher profile in our cities in order to stabilize them and take them back from those who would squander our valuable resources. Fortunately, service organizations like the Knights of Columbus, the Brotherhood of the Elks and Moose, and the Masons to name a few, are opening their doors to younger men. During the 60’s and 70’s there was a generation gap between men who supported our presence in Vietnam and those who protested, between the long hairs and the short hairs, between older men and younger men. Attendance had dropped severely and many of the organizations were in danger of shutting down. Within these organizations today there’s less of that kind of disparity. There’s more mutual understanding, harmony and good spirited communication between men of all ages, races and belief systems.
COSE: What’s driving that, this new seriousness?
JOHNSON: Well, I think, partly it has to do with the fact that the baby boom generation has come of age. We are older and wiser now. We have become parents with responsibilities and important decisions to make. We have a president who is of our generation so there is a greater feeling of representation. We feel that we have a power base from which we can get something accomplished and we, as latter-day flower children of the sixties, are accustomed to working together for a common goal. When the problems are no longer isolated to some other part of the world but rather on your own doorstep it becomes more than just a wake-up call. It’s right here; it’s in your face. So, it’s time to make a positive difference; it’s time for a change.
COSE: To what extent are men reacting, not necessarily to the women’s movement but to competition from women in the workplace?
JOHNSON: There’s no question that there is some feeling of competition, because back in the 50’s there was only 14 percent of married women in the work force, whereas today it’s 65 percent. There is also a new work ethic. We can no longer count on the corporate structure to act as a benevolent parent. Employers are not going to take care of us in the ways that we were used to in years past. Generous retirement and health plans are too costly in the era of downsizing. Jobs are being eliminated for men who are in mid-life at an alarmingly faster rate than before and at a time when financial pressures are usually the hardest with college age children and aging parents to support. The younger generation, often referred to as the busters, is nipping at the heels of the boomers and making them very nervous. The busters are very adaptable, computer literate, quick paced, and will work for less income. The boomers are realizing that they are all-too-fast becoming the elders of society without the respect or loyalty that their parents were accustomed to. It’s a whole new ball game for older men who still feel that they must be the primary breadwinner while at the same time feeling elbowed aside by women vying for positions on the ladder to success and youngsters in a hurry to carve out a piece of the pie. Couple this with issues around sexual harassment and other confusing gender dynamics and you have a fairly beleaguering set of circumstances. Warren Farrell’s The Myth of Male Power, Aaron Kipnis’s Knights Without Armor and Jed Diamond’s The Warrior’s Journey Home among other books, speak to the realization that men tend to feel just as victimized as do women by a system that chews up individuals unmercifully. We need to stop blaming each other and work together to create a new paradigm.
COSE: How would you respond to a woman, or to anyone, who says, “Hey, wait a minute. It’s still a man’s world. Men are still running things. Men are still in control of things. What do you mean that men are feeling elbowed aside?”
JOHNSON: I know that a case can be made for the belief that it’s still a man’s world. I don’t necessarily feel that way, however. Last year was touted as being the year of the woman. There are more and more opportunities for women and more and more evidence that men are not as privileged as they used to be. A leveling-out effect is taking place. We are moving toward greater mutuality. There is an element, however, that does not recognize what is taking place. The issue is not with feminists in general, since many men in the men’s movement were among the original feminists. There are many men who are sympathetic to women’s issues and many women who care deeply about what men are encountering. The difficulty arises from the angry element of society, be it men or women, that has axes to grind. Often, it’s the radical feminists, male and female, who express the more cynical sentiments about men. These individuals typically carry the unhealed wounds of past relationships with men. They may have been victimized by a man on one or more occasion and tend to view all men as falling somewhere along the perpetrator scale. Those that have empathy for the difficulties that plague men and women alike are more equitable in their assessment of this struggle for gender justice.
COSE: I would assume that the men that you tend to interact with most are men who are fairly progressive, men who are concerned, who are empathetic, yet who are serious about true gender equality and feminism. Now there are a lot of men who aren’t. And I was just wondering if you have any observations on what this era will mean for those men who don’t really consider themselves particularly progressive.
JOHNSON: There are those men who are angry; who feel disenfranchised... who feel that someone has something that rightfully should belong to them. They are the men that tend to probably be less formally educated, less involved in their own emotional and spiritual growth, and haven’t done therapy. In other words, they haven’t really held their feet to the fire in order to fully explore their own issues. These men tend to be hypersensitive, feeling that society hasn’t given them a fair shake. As they look around, everywhere they see roadblocks. They don’t see opportunities, or the ability to get ahead. These men tend to find a lot of different reasons why things aren’t working for them. They don’t take enough personal responsibility, but instead cast blame on women, government, minorities and the like. They will be left behind if they do not choose to evolve. I would encourage any man who identifies with even some of what I have described to get involved with other men who are seeking recovery and healing from past wounds... who are making the shift from a victim mentality into one of greater accountability. There is a lot more support now for men who are willing to change.
COSE: I understand that you are working on a book. Can you tell me a little about it?
JOHNSON: The working title of the book is rather provocative. It’s DANGEROUS WOMEN And the Men Who Fall for Them. My intent in writing this is certainly not about characterizing all women as dangerous but rather identifying a particular type of woman who tends to collude with a man in being involved in his downfall. I found repeatedly in my practice with men the tendency for them to be attracted to highly desirable and irresistible women who later revealed treacherous characteristics. I became fascinated with this syndrome where men, often at the pinnacle of success, get involved in disastrous relationships that bring about their fall from grace, if you will. It’s sort of like when your dream woman becomes your worst nightmare. There have been numerous public figures that have acted out this drama. It’s a book designed to help men to avoid these pitfalls, to extricate themselves from highly dysfunctional relationships and to gain greater appreciation for hearth and home. I’ve also found that most women are sympathetic towards this problem and are very concerned about the toll that these kinds of relationships take on themselves and the men in their lives.
COSE: Is the most significant thing that’s going on now what you referred to earlier as the trench work? Or, at least the inclination to turn in that direction? Or, are there other things that strike you as really significant?
JOHNSON: Obviously, as I stated earlier, I feel that gender reconciliation is very significant, creating forums for men and women to come together, and to explore the issues in a very cogent and considerate fashion. I think that multicultural work is very important. The men’s movement will have very little value if it does not become much more multicultural. It cannot just be about white guys going out into the forest to learn to drum and dance. It’s got to be about men of all ethnicities coming together to understand each other and work in unity to solve the problems endemic to our communities. There are multicultural conferences being convened by Robert Bly, Michael Meade, Malidoma Somé and others in various parts of the country each year. In certain respects there’s a sort of neo-tribalism that’s at the core of the men’s movement, which is a reaching back into the ancestral and ancient ways that customarily held traditional families and societies together. We’ve lost a lot of the ancient teachings and we need to readopt them.
At the Men’s Center we offer a program to work with men who are sexual offenders or who have issues regarding their sexuality. We are initiating a domestic violence program to help men who are batterers or who have been battered. The O. J. Simpson case has brought this issue much more out of the closet. We have a neuro-feedback program to assist men who have attention deficit disorder or difficulties dealing with stress or who are prone to addictive behavior. Our prisons are filled with men that really need help and rehabilitation rather than just incarceration. This is where the men’s social justice network can serve as a preventive approach to helping men who are having difficulties with conduct disorder. We’re also interested in the crisis of homelessness. We are involved with Ted Hayes and his Genesis 1 project to assist the homeless to reintegrate back into society. I think that issues around men’s health are very important. Men still have this notion that they don’t need to go to doctors. Prostate cancer, the number two cause of death among males, could be dramatically reduced if men past the age of 40 would simply go through a routine exam once a year. We need to get much more information concerning men’s health out into mainstream awareness in order to assist men in making sound decisions regarding their well-being.
These are the issues that are most important today. It’s about justice and mutuality for the genders, stabilizing the family, improving parenting skills, repairing shattered communities and building bridges to brotherhood. It’s in the trenches. The work is really in the streets.
As of 2010 Dr. Stephen J. Johnson has been an educator and psychotherapist for 40 years. As the Founder and Executive Director of the Men’s Center Los Angeles he specializes in men’s issues, gender dynamics, relationship and family counseling. His web sites are: www.DrStephenJohnson.com and www.MensCenterLosAngeles.com
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