Director's Message - Up Against the Wall With Nowhere to Turn?

These are trying times to say the least. We face many challenges today, including a recessive economy, job uncertainty, relationship and parenting issues, mood disorders, and compulsive and addictive behaviors as well as aging and health concerns, to name a few. Where do you look and to whom do you turn for support in dealing with what you are confronting in your life these days?

For over 20 years the Sacred Path Men’s Retreats have endeavored to provide an opportunity for men of all ages to find the answers to the questions they are dealing with. Our returning Veterans that have been on the front lines in Iraq and Afghanistan are not the only ones that have been in need of a foxhole. If you’re feeling like you’ve been on the frontlines with little cover or support, consider joining the Vets that will be with us on retreat. Many men are seeking to put their lives back together and the Sacred Path men’s community is here to help.

Hundreds of men have passed through the portals of Sacred Path and a self-selected group of men will convene for our fall retreat (October 23-26) to lend support to each other on the quest for conscious manhood. Will you be one of them? A staff of 20 will host all the participants who will have signed-on for this special occasion.

This upcoming retreat will feature inspirational discourse, profound talking stick council gatherings, the intimacy of tribe meetings and the breadth and depth of the breakout sessions. The workshops will focus on men and their relationships including how to improve them or dissolve them with dignity. We’ll deal with issues surrounding recovery, not only involving sobriety but also recovery from life crises such as unhealthy dependencies, infidelity and divorce. We’ll discuss and seek strategies to improve career and financial opportunities as well as look at our health, vitality and longevity. Together we’ll meditate, do Yoga, sit in the stone people’s lodge and create spirited movement of our minds, bodies and souls. We’ll focus on issues surrounding frustration and disappointment as well as endeavor to understand what to do with our anger and longing while we learn from failure, loss and grief. And we’ll celebrate our accomplishments, successes and the Mindful connection to our inner joy

Ultimately, the community of men that will convene for this conference will gather to explore what it means to be a good man. Ample opportunities will be offered for participants to explore their psyches in large and small group formats. The workshops, featuring a wide range of experiential topics, will provide men with forums for self-encounter and offer the opportunity to engage with others for the purpose of productive and healthy self-development and personal expansion.

Last year our fee range went from $495 to $695. We requested that participants pay what they could toward their attendance within that range. This year, due to the tighter economy, we are lowering our fee structure to span $395 to $595 and once again men are invited to pay what they can afford. We are always grateful to the men that can afford to pay more and do so. I’m looking forward to meeting with you on the Sacred Path as we gather on the mountain in October.

And, on another note, I wanted to thank Rich Manners and Mitch Roth for their selfless assistance as well as the 22 men that registered for the last Mindfulness Practicum on the practice of Refraining. The July Practicum was the 4th in the series that began in January, and I’m facilitating one last Practicum for men on Saturday, September 20th focused on the practice of Discernment. Since this is the last one-day event for men before the October retreat and actually for the remainder of this year, it will likely draw attendance from those that have participated in the whole series, those that have had to miss one or more events, and those that are looking forward to participating in at least one of the Practicums before the series ends; therefore, if you plan to attend, please register early to reserve your spot (new registration flyer included with this newsletter).

I’ve had a number of women remind me that I haven’t done an event for women in several years and they’ve requested that I put on some events to include them. With that in mind, I’ve decided to facilitate a Mindfulness Practicum focused on the 5 practices to be held at Holy Spirit Retreat Center on Saturday, November 8th. This event will be a day just for women participants. Rich and Mitch will assist me as we hold the space for the women to convene for their own day of exploration into the training of Mindfulness. More information will be forthcoming; however, feel free to let that special woman in your life know about this event.

I have booked 6 more dates at Holy Spirit throughout 2009 commencing in January. My intention is to host a one-day event for couples as well as events to include men and women. I’ll be determining, along the way, how each event will be structured. I trust that you’re enjoying your summer and taking time to be Mindful along the way.

Namaste,
Stephen

TO DOWNLOAD THE FLYER FOR THE FALL 2008 SACRED PATH RETREAT, CLICK HERE

TO DOWNLOAD THE FLYER FOR THE SEPTEMBER ManUp PRACTICUM, CLICK HERE

Between Fathers and Daughters - Enriching or Rebuilding Your Adult Relationship

a New Book by Dr. Linda Nielsen 

Publication date: August, 2008 

www.betweenfathersanddaughters.com

“If this book doesn’t improve your father-daughter relationship, demand your money back and check with your doctor to see if you're still breathing. If you know a divorced dad, buy this book for him now!” Divorced father 

A no-nonsense, engaging, insightful book designed for dads and adult daughters who want more from their relationship – and for anyone who cares about enriching, understanding or rebuilding father-daughter relationships. This groundbreaking book offers research and concrete advice on such questions as:

Why try to get more out of your relationship at this point in your lives?
How can you talk about “IT” – that one topic that still creates tension between you?
How can dad give advice without making his daughter mad?
How can you get your daughter to stop treating you like a banking machine?
How can you get your dad to treat you like a grown up?
How can you communicate better when you’re so different?
What can you do during the college years to avoid or resolve father-daughter problems?
How can you create a more relaxed, more meaningful relationship?
What can you do about mom’s or stepmom’s jealousy?
And as wife, how can you strengthen father-daughter relationships in your family?
What’s unique about African American daughters’ relationships with their dads?
What can you do about those difficult divorce or remarriage issues?
How can you rebuild if you’re barely speaking?
What about the millions of daughters whose fathers haven’t been in their lives?

Nielsen guides readers with eye opening research facts, tough questions, personal assignments, father-daughter activities, and self-assessment quizzes. Explaining why most relationships haven’t reached their full potential and why others have unraveled, Nielsen shows dads and daughters how to make changes now!

Dr. Linda Nielsen, nationally recognized expert on father-daughter relationships, President of the American Coalition for Fathers and Children, and Professor of Women’s Studies and Education at Wake Forest University has been teaching the only college course in the country on fathers and daughters since 1991. Based on two decades of working with hundreds of fathers and daughters – especially divorced dads - Nielsen summarizes cutting-edge research in clear terms and offers compelling stories about real people - including celebrities like Oprah and Hilary Clinton. With candor and humor, Nielsen exposes the half-truths, downright lies, and myths about families that prevent so many dads and daughters from having a more relaxed, more meaningful relationship.

Do You Need Help Controlling Your Anger?

A new documentary series about anger management is searching for people 

that are in need of professional help.

Do your employees or employers constantly get under your skin?

Do you have a hard time controlling what comes out of your mouth?

Ever lost a job or gotten into a physical altercation because you couldn’t control yourself?

Chosen applicants will receive FREE comprehensive help from a world-class therapist 

to learn how to cope with and diffuse stressful situations!

In order to be considered, send an email to AngerManagementDoc@gmail.com with your contact info, a description of what you do, what makes you angry, and a picture.

Or contact Adam at (310)341-2500 x8223 for more information.

Accepting submissions now!

Have You Been Abused by a Romantic Partner?

If you are a heterosexual man who has experienced any physically and/or psychologically abusive behaviors from a former partner, you are eligible to participate in a survey about your experiences. I am a researcher at the University of Illinois collecting information about people’s experiences in abusive relationships.
The abuse of men is a topic that has not received very much attention by researchers, and men are typically more reluctant to share their experiences of being abused. With that in mind, I am now particularly interested in hearing from men who have been abused by their female partners. If you know a man who may have been involved in an abusive relationship, please consider forwarding this information/link to them.
To participate, you must (1) be a U.S. citizen or reside in the U.S., (2) have experienced some type of abusive behavior in a heterosexual, romantic relationship, (3) be currently out of (no longer in) the abusive relationship with your former partner, and (4) no longer living with this person. If you meet these criteria, please consider taking an approximately 30 minute survey located here:
https://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=lsGlU5uwhXMhcV7uBsHkyA_3d_3d
Simply click on the link to get started. Your identity will be anonymous.
By participating, you are giving much needed information about abusive relationships. You will not receive any compensation for taking this survey, but you will be providing important information to help others.
If you have questions before, during, or after participating, please contact Jessi Eckstein at jessi.research@gmail.com. If you choose to contact me via email, your email address and contact information will be deleted; there will be nothing linking you to the information you provide in the survey.

Mitch Roth's Review of the July Practicum

The July Practicum brought together some men who have been taking these Practicums with some that never had. Nevertheless everyone benefited from the mix of the 20 or so participants. One of the men, one that I brought, is named Curt. Curt has been home from Afghanistan now for 17 months. He came home a few weeks short of his tour of duty because his wife of 15 years committed suicide. I had breakfast with Curt this morning. He credits his time spent with us in the Practicum with a breakthrough regarding the pain surrounding the issues involved in his loss and in his life. I am, of course, happy for Curt. I know I’ll see him in other Practicums and up on the Mountain in October. But, the energy of his grief touched a place in each man attending the July event and helped open the gates that so often remain shut, blocking our work and our joy.

Curt, though, was not the only catalyst in the group, not at all. Another ingredient in the soup that makes each meal of “men’s work” unique was the hurt and betrayal and the ultimate reclaiming of our right to innocence that was contributed by another man. I don’t have permission to use his name, so I won’t. But, his issues were rooted in early childhood sexual abuse. The path to growth for all of us illumined by his presence at the Practicum was not the result of the specifics of his issue, but rather by our common need to deal with defenselessness against the betrayal of trust and the confusion engendered. Although never sexually abused myself in childhood, I was abused by an older brother and not protected by my mother, or by my father, for that matter. The experience of defenselessness and betrayal of trust and the resulting confusion were just as real for me, and were triggered by my sharing of the process of this man.

By now, I have assisted Stephen in lots of these events. Yet, I shared with the group that this was the first time that I absorbed so much of the energies of those participating that I had to sit down on a chair by myself and weep. This still was not enough of a clearing, and I felt compelled to go into a rebirthing process myself just to be able to go on.

One of our cats likes to come into our bed at night and in the morning. Maggie the cat, my wife tells me, “LOVES me.” Well, I don’t know about that. But, she does often and almost immediately flip onto her back and expose her belly to me and luxuriates in the belly scratching that follows. I mention this because I appreciate the profound trust implied. Cats don’t like to expose their bellies because in that position they are most vulnerable. The work we do in these Practicums, and on the mountain during our retreats, is like that. We expose our bellies to each other and experience a level of vulnerability and trust that is extra-ordinary, as that word is literally defined. Although sometimes scary and sometimes painful, it is also the most elevating experience I can by choice invite.

For those in our community that don’t take full advantage of the opportunities presented by Dr. Johnson’s work, and the work of the Sacred Path community, I urge you to “drink your fill.” Don’t deprive yourself and your loved ones of the benefits of the work.

Namaste


Mitchell Roth

Rich Manners' Review of July Practicum

First of all, I must say that it was indeed an honor to be able to assist in some way the men who attended the July practicum. The level of courage shown by the participants was to me absolutely stunning. Half of the 22 participants were new, and yet there was no hesitation in their participating full-bore in the activities. I believe that the willingness of one of the men in particular to be totally open to his wounds and pain in the Sacred Breathing exercise was a catalyst to the others in feeling safe to reach down into themselves and come to grips with their own torment. The profundity of these processes was truly remarkable.

For me, the subject of the day’s focus, that of refraining, hit the nail on the head. The process of refraining is, in short, to recognize my reflexive reaction to a person or situation, and instead of just going along with it, to stop and analyze my feeling and thinking, and to refrain from making the usual negative response. Instead, I would take the time to think: will this action be of service to me? Will it be of service to the other person? Will it help or hurt the situation? Then I would consciously react.

In my life, I have always felt unseen and unheard, so when someone cuts me off in traffic or unthinkingly says something that triggers my wound about not being noticed, my usual reaction would be to fly into a rage. The process of refraining really cuts into this gut reflex, and probably for the first time in my life, I have a tool to help me stop this process that, at the very least, eats into me, and at the worst, provokes a dangerous situation between me and the person by whom I feel wounded. I don’t mean to say that it works every time, but at least I try to bring it into play when I become conscious of the trigger being pulled. Each time it works, I become more confident that it will work the next time I need it. These tools we are being taught are so radically different because they offer a real hands-on solution to so many things in our lives that ordinarily would set us off.