Monday, April 2, 2012

Director's Message for April 2012


Greetings Sacred Path Community,

The best and safest thing is to keep a balance in your life, acknowledge the great powers around us and in us.  If you can do that and live that way, you are really a wise man.
 ~ Euripides

The Spring Sacred Path and Call to Adventure Retreat gets underway next week.  We have a great group of men and boys that have signed up for both Divisions of the retreat.  Steve Branker is shepherding the CTA flock and I will be devoting some intimate time to the participants that are registering for the men’s Division.  Dan Franklin will be facilitating a breakout session on relationships.  You can read a statement from him in this newsletter.  And Nick Rath will conduct a session on fathering and issues surrounding parenting.  The CTA retreat is shaping up nicely.  We have a good compliment of fathers and sons, boys and mentors coming in from the suburbs and urban areas of our community at large.  Boys and their mentors are linked up in triads so that they will have the ongoing support when they’re off the hill.  Both sides of the retreat will be united in the morning and again in the evening.  That will allow us to share the unique experience that each participant and each team will have had during the day.

I am moved to assist participants during my time with them in examining how their minds work.  It’s not uncommon for people to find themselves submerged in a continuous flood of mental noise.  Many complain that they cannot stop thinking and that their thoughts tend toward the negative.  Inner peace and balance are at low ebb these days.  I have encouraged a number of men recently to come on retreat just for the opportunity to take a break from their day to day lives and catch a breath.  It’s true that if we always do what we’ve always done, we’ll always get what we’ve always gotten.  If we don’t interrupt the pattern, the pattern will continue to interrupt our equanimity, wreaking havoc with our serenity and peace of mind.

Retreats offer us the opportunity to get away and take an accounting of what’s going on in our lives.  What’s working and what’s not?  What do we want to change and how will we go about it?  Retreats provide the breathing room to stretch and relax, to reflect and process, to assess what we want to change and how we’ll initiate and carry forth the transformation.
  
There’s a lot of research being done on our brains and how Mindfulness training can affect the neuroplasticity of our brain’s circuitry.  I intend to discuss these findings and provide information and processes supporting your understanding and capacity for making a positive difference in how your mind impacts your brain and therefore your entire nervous system.  Changing your thinking can actually change your physiology and in turn have a positive effect on changing your life.  There are ways to reduce your anxiety and lift yourself out of a depressed mood.  I will provide some tools to assist you on your journey to wellness and wholeness.

It’s not too late to register for this upcoming retreat.  If you’ve been thinking about it and just haven’t made the final decision I encourage you to clear your calendar and take the leap.  Whether you’re registering for the CTA part of the retreat of choose to be with the men, don’t let resistance hold you back from giving yourself something that can make a difference for the rest of your life.  As Euripides admonished, be the wise man you are destined to be and sign up now to join your brothers on the Sacred Path.

On another note, I have invited Leonard Orr, my friend and mentor of 38 years, to return this June (the 1st through the 3rd) to present four events for men and women at Holy Spirit Retreat Center in Encino.  There will be a public presentation on Friday night followed by two seminars on Saturday and a Rebirthing workshop on Sunday.
We are alive today in the period that has been called the “Quickening,” also referred to as “The Great Awakening”  or “The Shift”, and each and every one of us is called to move beyond self-limiting thoughts, to expand our awareness and join the ranks of those who are enlisting to make a positive difference where it counts.

Included in this newsletter is information about Leonard and the entire program that he will be offering.  Also included in this issue is another article by Leonard.  His events are open to both men and women.

I encourage you to not miss this opportunity. Leonard likes to suggest that learning and mastering the simple and pleasurable principles of spiritual purification can “be hazardous to your misery.” I can attest that my meeting and working with Leonard during the 70’s and 80’s made a tremendous difference in the quality of my life, both personally and professionally. He will awaken you to a higher realm of awareness regarding your true self, your relationships and your purpose for living on Earth at this most turbulent yet transformational time.
  
Read about the 4 events that Leonard will offer to our community and take advantage of the 10% early registration discount.  More information and the registration form can be found in this newsletter.

In brotherhood,
Stephen

Spring 2012 Sacred Path/Call to Adventure Rites of Passage Retreat Info

To download the flyer for the Spring 2012 Sacred Path/Call to Adventure Rites of Passage Retreat, Click HERE

To download the application for the Spring 2012 Sacred Path/Call to Adventure Rites of Passage Retreat, Click HERE

Four Events for Men and Women with Leonard Orr


I have invited Leonard Orr, my friend and mentor of 38 years, to return this June (the 1st through the 3rd) to present four events for men and women at Holy Spirit Retreat Center in Encino.  There will be a public presentation on Friday night followed by two seminars on Saturday and a Rebirthing workshop on Sunday.

Leonard is one of the elders of what we term today, “The New Age Movement.” As the founder of the conscious breathing movement, he has published more than 20 books in more than a dozen languages.  His International Rebirthing Movement has served over ten million people on six continents, and he is a pioneer in the field of how Physical Immortality can be actualized by us in practical ways. We can incorporate this knowledge into our lives today and begin to reverse the aging process and retain youthfulness and vitality.

Leonard is one of my most inspirational teachers and mentors. Our relationship commenced in the mid 70’s when I joined a group assisting him during the pioneering stage of his birthing the Conscious Connected Breathing Process (aka Rebirthing). Through this work I was privileged to co-found the Los Angeles Rebirthing Community. Leonard has many unique ideas and concepts that he will present throughout the three days that you can share with him.

I encourage you to not miss this opportunity. Leonard likes to suggest that learning and mastering the simple and pleasurable principles of spiritual purification can “be hazardous to your misery.” I can attest that my meeting and working with Leonard during the 70’s and 80’s made a tremendous difference in the quality of my life, both personally and professionally. He will awaken you to a higher realm of awareness regarding your true self, your relationships and your purpose for living on Earth at this most turbulent  yet transformational time.

We are alive today in the period that has been called the “Quickening,” also referred to as “The Great Awakening”  or “The Shift”, and each and every one of us is called to move beyond self-limiting thoughts, to expand our awareness and join the ranks of those who are enlisting to make a positive difference where it counts.

Along with such folk heroes as Ram Dass, Fritz Perls and Timothy Leary, who said of Leonard’s book, Breaking the Death Habit, “Leonard Orr’s book is the most realistic and practical one in the field of conquering death.”

There is no limit for enrollments for the Friday evening public presentation or the seminars on Saturday, but we will be limiting the number of participants for the Sunday event, so I encourage you to sign up now to reserve your spot.  On Sunday, we will experience the conscious connected breathing process with a trained Rebirther facilitating each dyadic team.

During the Friday Night Presentation Leonard will present on the importance of MASTERING ENERGY. He will also tell us that it’s the time to become proficient at the practice of tuning into our intuitive information as our eternal process. He states that, “The mind has 50,000 thoughts per day, the body has over 1 billion every second. The body is over 1000 times as smart as the mind.”

Leonard will speak about spiritual psychology and metaphysical biology sharing the keys of personal mastery on all levels including energy, thought, and form.  He will present examples of total mastery of body, mind and spirit and how it can be achieved.  This is a great opportunity to invest yourself in an evening with one of the most gifted and significant teachers on the planet today as well as to participate with other men and women that are traversing a spiritual path toward an enlightened way of living our lives to the fullest.

This presentation commences at 7:00 pm on Friday, June 1st and we’ll adjourn between 9 and 9:30pm.  The cost for this event is $45.

The Saturday Morning Seminar will feature the topic of BALANCING MATERIAL AND SPIRITUAL SUCCESS and will focus on what constitutes true success, including money and complimentary money systems, investing, financial independence and spiritual values.  Leonard will show you how you can double your income through doing high quality work.  He will also show participants how to make a living from the self-improvement business. Leonard will address how to heal career burnout with the intent of restoring a natural state of balance evidencing perfect, radiant and dynamic health.

This seminar commences at 9:00 am and concludes at 12 noon.  Lunch is provided from noon to 1pm.  The cost for this event is $85.

The Saturday Afternoon Seminar will feature the topic of Spiritual Purification and the Power of Rebirthing Breathwork.  Leonard believes that it is very important that people learn the science and art of cleaning and balancing their energy bodies which is the science of renewal and the ability to always sustain a healing effect on all conditions.

Rebirthing Breathwork is a powerful tool as a vehicle to journey into oneself and unlock cellular memory, original imprinting, and stored negative emotions to create openings for
fundamental transformation.  Leonard believes that, “Until the death urge, that we learned from our family tradition, is healed -- all healing is temporary.”

This seminar will cover personal law and how it impacts one’s personal system of beliefs. A personal law is the thought that controls our life more than any other thought and by definition it is the most valuable knowledge we can have about ourselves.

We will also cover the 8 major sources of human trauma producing unhappiness and failure.  Leonard will focus on birth trauma, the parental disapproval syndrome, the misuse of the human mind, the unconscious death urge, karma from past lives, school trauma, religion trauma,and senility.  You will take away from this seminar the basic principles for healing them.

This event commences after lunch at 1pm and concludes at 4 pm.  Lunch is included and is served at 12 noon.  The cost for this event is $85.

Note:  The fee for those wishing to attend both Saturday seminars is $150.

The Sunday Workshop will allow participants to experience a Rebirthing Breathwork Session guided by a trained Rebirther.  You are invited to join us in experiencing the healing art of Rebirthing Breathwork, a Breathing method by which you directly connect to vital energy or Prana.  You will experience how Spiritual Breathing enables you to become aware of and release the unconscious mental, emotional, and physical patterns and issues that can shutdown the channels of your aliveness, limit the quality of your relationships, career, creativity, self-sufficiency, and the natural full expression of your Spirit!

Rebirthing Breathwork is a natural process that allows us to communicate with the psyche and inner child to deal with issues most traditional psychotherapy cannot access, facilitating healing by uncovering and resolving pre- and perinatal trauma in adults, children, and infants.
  
Master teacher and founder Leonard Orr, with an expert staff of international Rebirthers, will guide participants in directly experiencing high-quality, individual Breathwork sessions and the healing attributes of Spiritual Purification practices pertaining to Earth, Air, Fire, Water, and the Energy Body in a variety of educational and therapeutic settings.
  
This workshop will commence at 9:00 am and conclude at 4:30 pm.  The fee for this event is $150.
  
Note:  A 10% discount is offered to any participant registering for the full program prior to May 4th.

Range of fee options:

Friday evening presentation fee = $45
Saturday morning seminar fee (including lunch) = $85
Saturday afternoon seminar fee (including lunch) = $85
or, Saturday full-day program fee (including lunch) = $150
Sunday Workshop fee (including lunch) = $150

Take advantage of early registration discount:

Full 4-event program fee = $345
10% discount if registered by May 4th = $310

Cancellations before Friday, May 25th will allow a full refund minus a 10% processing fee. Cancellations after May 25th will allow a 50% refund of fee paid.

To download the flyer/registration, click HERE

Meet Leonard Orr


The following is what Stephen had written for the newsletter a year ago after Leonard’s visit to Los Angeles:  “We had a group of about 50 that attended Leonard Orr’s presentation on Friday night and 43 for the experiential day featuring conscious connected breathing sessions. I’ve known Leonard since 1974 and he never ceases to amaze me.  I introduced him Friday night not only as an original thinker but simply put, an original.  He is one of a kind.  His ideas and concepts are revolutionary and tend to push one to stretch beyond the scope of ordinary self-limiting reality to expand one’s mind and embrace the extraordinary realm of human consciousness.
  
We had the perfect blend of male and female seekers that came together exuding such peaceful and loving radiance throughout the weekend.  You’ll find another of Leonard’s articles herewith including a review of the weekend by Rich Manners. Many thanks to all who participated and to the 15 skilled Rebirthers that assisted, you made a significant impact on the quality of the practicum.  We’re looking to next June to create another event featuring Leonard.

The women who attended acknowledged the consciousness of the men that were present.  So many events of this nature are packed with women and a smattering of men.  Conscious women love being in the presence of heartfelt, conscious men.  The Sacred Path Community is not only a community of men but is also comprised of the women that love the men and love being around our men.”

Meet Leonard Orr

Leonard Orr was born in Walton, New York. During his teen years, he became a born again Christian. When he converted to Christianity and started to read the Bible, he took Jesus' words literally "He who believes in me shall never taste death," that anyone who believed in Jesus literally would not die.

He attended seminary with plans of becoming a preacher. However, while in school, Leonard said he felt a calling to be a minister to the "unchurched".  Pursuing this feeling of a calling and some of his curiosity about life, Leonard soon was reading and practicing "New Thought" philosophy such as Science of Mind based on metaphysical concepts.

He began teaching others that thoughts affect the outer world, and gathered a following. During this time he found he was spending increasing amounts of time in the bathtub, literally staying in for hours every day. He was having frequent flashes of memories of being in the womb or being born. He watched this process for a few years and began to understand what was happening. He then shared his experiences and found that there were many people interested in experimenting with ways to recall their birth memories. Leonard created "Theta House", the first Rebirthing Center to accommodate this interest. These early Rebirthers began breathing with a snorkel in a hot-tub while floating face down,(usually supported by 2 or more people), to stimulate womb memories. He noticed that a certain breathing rhythm would occur, which led to the start of the Rebirthing-Breathwork technique out of water.  Throughout this time, Leonard was fascinated with the idea of not experiencing physical death – which he termed "physical immortality," and read, studied and searched for all the information that he could on the subject.

In 1973 he ran for mayor in Los Angeles.


Leonard Orr is the founder and father of the worldwide Conscious Breathing – Rebirthing Breathwork movement. He discovered the technique in the mid 1960’s. Through him it has spread like wild fire to over 27 countries, and over 100,000 Breathworkers throughout the world. Conscious Breathing/Rebirthing has been nick named the Pranayama, (yogic breathing,) of the west.

He is a life-long student of self-transformation, body mastery, and is one of the pioneers of the New Age. He is a modern day yogi, visionary, teacher, author, businessman, and leader in the fields of longevity and physical immortality. He has been lecturing and doing trainings all over the world for 38 years. He has met 8 immortal yogi masters so far and has been their devoted student for over 28 years. He is the author of over 20 books. His unique ideas have healed and changed the lives of millions worldwide.

His ideas are exceedingly transforming and revolutionary. Some of his topics include Conscious Breathing, healing with the elements; earth, air, water, and fire, spiritual enlightenment, self-healing, body mastery, the science of affirmations, responsible citizenship, personal success and self-improvement, prosperity, democracy, comparative religion, economics, health, and immortality.

Leonard is famous not only for discovering Conscious Breathing-Rebirthing, but he also defined the “8 Biggies of Human Trauma:”

Birth Trauma
Parental Disapproval Syndrome
Specific Negatives
the Unconscious Death urge
Past Life Karma
School Trauma
Religion Trauma
Senility

Leonard Orr: Rebirthing and the 8 Biggies

Rebirthing is a tool for healing, personal growth, and spiritual awakening.
Conscious Breathing helps us to process our minds and emotions by supplying the energy and the power needed to transform ourselves, heal our emotions, and reach a greater inner balance. It is a safe, effective, and natural technique.

Rebirthing was created by Leonard Orr in 1974 and has since been practiced by millions of people worldwide. Some yogis have practiced the circular breathing rhythm used in Rebirthing for centuries. It is said in the Vedas (Indian Scriptures) that circular breathing leads to eternity.

The Biggest Biggie
By
Leonard D. Orr

In the 1970's I became internationally famous for listing and clarifying the major sources of human trauma. I called them the Biggies – the 8 major causes of human trauma – mental and physical illness.

They are:
Birth Trauma – including prenatal and infancy memories. Infancy memories stuck in the body are the basic cause of most terminal diseases. They are terminal only because we use wrong methods for attempting to heal them.
Parental Disapproval Syndrome – this is what most psychoanalysis is about.
Specific Negatives – misusing the tremendous power of the human mind to create our own trauma and negative experiences.
Unconscious Death Urge is rooted in the belief that death is inevitable and beyond our control, but usually works according to family tradition.
Karma from Past Lives – if we had some, and most people do. Conscious reincarnation is an alternative to physical immortality.
School Trauma – most people had their divine nature and creativity totally stifled and destroyed by school through emotional energy pollution and unnatural curriculum. Many people become zombies by their 20's, if not earlier.
Religion Trauma – few religions develop our natural divinity and teach mental practices that enable us to realize our potential.
Senility – senility and old age are not death sentences, but the beginning of the youthing process. But without mastering spiritual purification, the goal of the human civilization seems to make people zombies.

The common denominator of all these sources of human debilitation is emotional energy pollution. We are inundated with Energy and information that we cannot digest. This emotional energy pollution is not transmitted verbally nor rationally, but by the contact of one person’s emotional body with another person’s emotional body. Emotional energy pollution is nonverbal. It is a basic undercurrent in all human interaction. We not only feel anger, fear, depression and illness from other people, we can also feel peace, happiness and health. We automatically pick up excess energy impregnated with information that doesn’t necessarily have any rational content. E.E.P. is also called psychic dirt, the pain body, stress and tension, habits, unconscious beliefs and feelings, sin or just memories. Sin is a meaningless word for most people. The Greek word for sin means to miss the mark. When you realize that the mark is the constant experience of Oneness, the word takes on rich meaning. We absorb emotional energy pollution when we are sitting in a meeting, bus, train or plane, or when we go to the supermarket or pass people on the street. It can be felt and even measured somewhat by spiritually sensitive persons. Most people are already inundated by so much E.E.P. that they don’t feel much – they are already zombies. These people are the chief polluters. But even relatively pure people who bathe twice per day, meditate, do spiritual purification with fire, breathing, good diet and exercise, also have some E.E.P. that we can feel. When I met a 2000-year old man, his presence felt like a feather. We don’t often meet people who are totally clear. If you look at the 8 biggies of human trauma, obviously only people who have survived old age and senility are basically clear and clean in their energy body. So we have to be victorious over the basic human condition to be actually spiritually enlightened. Otherwise, it is just a theory – a very valuable theory. But the theory of enlightenment has to be practiced and actualized. Most people don’t achieve much spiritually in this Life because they are overwhelmed by E.E.P. Three of my best friends died in the last few years of being trapped in the guru syndrome. I am pointing out to you that E.E.P. is probably the greatest killer. E.E.P. kills more people than eating meat, believing that death is inevitable and even automobiles. Eating meat is the basic cause of heart disease and cancer and all kinds of victim consciousness. And E.E.P. even kills people who believe in and strive for physical immortality. This is true because our diet is largely controlled by E.E.P. Emotional energy pollution is just energy that contains information. It doesn’t matter if the information is good or bad. All information that is not the knowledge of the Tree of Life is the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and kills people if they eat it. The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil is the mind. The fruit of this tree is our thoughts, beliefs and feelings. The knowledge of the Tree of Life is the knowledge of the substantive qualities of Life Itself. These are the eternal qualities of our Divine Nature. People who are trapped in their own thoughts, beliefs, doctrines and feelings in a way that cuts them off from the Tree of Life, must die. Death is inevitable for them, but for people who are entering the Tree of Life, death is optional. Even the belief in physical immortality can kill us if we allow it to separate us from the Transcendental State. We have to Live in the Reality above the Mind – in the reality that is beyond reality and is the Source of Reality. Physical Immortality philosophy is not a substitute for Living in the Presence of God. We don’t have to do anything to be immortal. We are immortal by nature. We just have to remember this above all things: thoughts, beliefs, doctrines, memories, habits, attitudes and feelings. This is the Science of Life and Personal Aliveness. “For God (Spirit, Energy, Being) so loved the earth, air, water and fire (the world), that He gave us His Natural Divinity (His son) that whoever knows (believes in Him), his/her Divine Nature will not perish, but have Everlasting Life.” Our Divine Nature is Energy, thought and Form – the Holy Trinity, with nothing added. Our body is created by Thought and maintained by following the rules built into its health and aliveness. The physical body is created and maintained by the Energy Body and the emotional body – mind. Our body is the effect of our mind. Our body-mind includes our conditioning and this is E.E.P. - it includes thoughts, feelings, beliefs and unconscious energy concentrations – energy colored by thoughts and feelings of other people whether it is conscious or unconscious. It is positive or negative mental mass floating in their aura and ours. We can clean this stuff out of our aura with the basic spiritual purification practices of fasting, good diet, exercise (earth), conscious energy breathing (air), bathing twice per day (water purification), especially with the snorkel habit, and fire – sitting by an open flame. These basic Spiritual Purification habits can clean the mind faster than the mind can clean the mind. Knowing this is the supreme wisdom of the mind. Winning the spiritual purification game is what keeps us alive and enables us to defeat death. This is the teaching of Babaji from the beginning of creation and will be until the end. These are the rules for an immortal body. Eventually the practices allow us to experience our body as points of light – a light body – seen and experienced as physical – a hologram that can be perceived and touched by others. We can realize the Ideal Divine Body. When we are losing the spiritual purification game, we can see it through our symptoms – including stiffness; lack of flexibility in mind and body; feeling miserable, depressed or angry; and the guru belly phenomenon. Our death urge can get out of control. We tend to indulge in self-sabotaging behavior, become non-functional and unproductive, and sabotage relationships and our success in every area of our lives. We become zombies – walking dead people. The obvious solution for this condition is to do enough spiritual purification practices with earth, air, water and fire to get our joy of Life back. The deathist state is accelerated to the extent that we neglect the practices. Even though we do these practices, the guru syndrome can still kill us. When I work too much with other people, my guru belly exceeds 40 inches and the “noise” of others` E.E.P. destroys my quality and joy of Life so much that I feel like dying. Solitude works, especially when I do it with the earth, air, water and fire practices. The E.E.P. includes birth trauma, infancy atrophy, parental disapproval, eating habits, the death urge, heavy feelings and foggy emotions we absorbed from our family and schoolmates, past life karma, senile behaviors, physical weakness, faulty religious perceptions and excess noise that cripples our productivity and makes us non-functional and lazy. It is both – mental and physical paralysis. The best cure for this state is nothing – to do nothing but relax and wait on the Lord to enter our body and bring us back into abundant Aliveness and Health. And while we are waiting on the Lord, to sit or sleep with fire, bathe before sunrise and sunset, eat healthy food and fast, stay in good physical condition with hiking, manual labor or hatha yoga, and conscious energy breathing. Mantra japa also fuels all this with Divine Power and Love. The guru syndrome can keep us from doing all this. And we have to teach our students to do it, as well as teaching them to unravel the death urge which they learned from their family tradition, past lives, cultural and religious conditioning, etc. Babaji says very simply, “The wise do spiritual practices,” and he sets the example in all of His bodies on Earth. The practices do work! Fasting and fire purification can liberate our breathing. And people who only know and practice Rebirthing – conscious energy breathing – discover sometimes that it no longer works. Obviously, these people have to learn and add the practices with earth, fire and water. E.E.P. can be very dangerous. It has killed my friends. It could kill me if I am not aware of it and don’t watch it. It can make me very miserable, but the practices with earth, air, water and fire take it away. Earth, air, water and fire can clean the mind faster than the mind can clean the mind. This is the supreme wisdom of the mind. Jesus and all great saints died because of E.E.P. Even Babaji died of E.E.P. to teach us how it works. Energy plus information is mental mass. If you have an inch of dust on your floor, it won’t go away if you have beautiful thoughts about yourself or God. You have to get a broom and a dustpan and clean it up and throw it away. The same is true of E.E.P. We have to do the work and get rid of it. It takes as long as it takes. I wish the problem would go away, but Babaji once told me that earth, air, water and fire is the eternal Sadhana. The problem of E.E.P. and cleansing it with spiritual purification is built into the nature of Energy, thought and Form. It won’t go away, just as the process of cleaning our homes, dishes, clothes, etc, doesn’t go away. Our Energy Body is invincible; it even survives death over and over. However, we have to take care of it, if we desire for it to keep the physical body in great shape. There are two kinds of body types: the obese body and the stiff body. Without soaking in water, spending enough time with the fire and conscious energy breathing, even exercise can turn people into stiff zombies. People who depend on diet alone – even the best raw food diet – die because of lack of water, fire and air purification.

Breathing is the queen of yoga – pranayama. Thinking is the king of yoga – meditation. But even energy breathing and meditation together doesn’t work without earth and water. We have to consciously use all the four elements in balance. Together they produce victory over the greatest danger in this world – E.E.P.

Dan Franklin on Relationships


I texted a client who is struggling in his relationship and asked me for advice…only to realize I might as well have been talking about myself and so many people I know as well.. I think it reflects an abiding truth about most if not all relationships. I thought you might find this worth reading. I'm going to include this among the articles and essays on my website: I thought I would print this out for the men and use it as a take off point for a break-out session or perhaps a discussion point  for either groups or in the larger container.

“ A worthwhile relationship calls for a willingness to take a long hard look at your life. That isn’t easy for any of us. We’d all like to think that love is enough and it is enough to deeply care about someone. Living together and building a life together is another thing. It takes real honesty, a commitment to the truth and a mature sense of reality on both peoples part to figure this out. Wishful thinking or a fantasy about it won’t cut it. Unless you both can get your essential needs met, beyond desire and passion, it will end in resentment and disillusionment. It will ultimately kill the love. Facing the truth isn’t easy. If two people really love each other, they owe it to each other to be painfully honest about whatever fears, doubts, concerns and red flags are present. It takes mature compromise and negotiation to seal the deal in a committed relationship. Winging it in the hopes that it will all work out is a wonderfully romantic ideal and certainly possible but is the current prescription for the high divorce rates. Soul mates are one thing. Good matches and compatibility is another. Great romances may or may not make great marriages. Passion is exhilarating and juicy but it can mask a lot of potential problems. The truth beyond the chemistry, not the sex and romance, is what gives a relationship a fighting chance rather than a chance for fights. If a relationship isn’t working, why torture yourselves or each other. Putting the wrong penis into the wrong vagina and thinking you are made for each other is truly trying to put a round peg in a square hole. If it doesn’t work despite all best efforts, be friends to each other and support each other in moving on rather than making the mistake of moving in. If you are trying to be a pleaser or expect the other person to change in order to make you happier…you are both bound to end up unhappy. The road to a meaningful committed relationship is paved with truth and understanding, not romance, sex and self-gratification addiction, the factors that are pandemic to our dating and mating culture. Tell yourself and the other person the truth about what you desire and need, not what you want to believe and you think they want to hear. These are the principles of a mature, conscious relationship built on integrity and mutual respect. “

Blind Perspective, Vol. 6


The Northridge earthquake strikes in late January 1994. I am on retreat for a plenary meeting for the California Men’s Gathering in the mountains of Malibu when the earthquake hits. I am fortunate to come home to very little damage. After the curfew is lifted, I decide to go out and shoot some pool and meet with friends.

It’s been five months since I was told by my ophthalmologist that I would go permanently blind. Not much has changed visually except for an increasing number of floaters in my eyes that are very distracting. I’ve become involved with the Being Alive Support Group for people living with HIV and AIDS.

I’m excited to see my friends after a week of the nightly curfew. I shoot some pool and drink my Perrier. While talking with friens about the earthquake, I glance across the bar and see a face I recognize from my support group. He’s fairly new in the group. Within the hour my friends are gone and I’m left alone seated at the bar.

I feel a tap on my back and turn around. To my surprise it’s the man from my support group. I say, “Hello, aren’t you in my group at Being Alive?”

“Yeah, my name is Dan and you’re Michael,” he says. “I like listening to your shares. So, how long do you have before you go blind?” he asks very carefully. “I hope you don’t mind my asking.”

“No, Dan, I don’t mind talking about it. According to the doctors, I have a year and a half.”

“Has your vision changed much since your diagnosis?”

“The floaters are getting worse, but I can still drive and see pretty well.”

“That’s encouraging news. Maybe you won’t go blind.”

“One day at a time, Dan. I’m concentrating on keeping a positive attitude, sort of making lemons into lemonade.”

“So,” he says in a lighter tone, “I hear you’re taking up painting.”

“Oh, I’m just playing with color; I’m no Picasso. It’s just fun for me. It keeps my creative juices flowing. I’m working on an installation for an art exhibit at Being Alive.”

“I love art myself,” he says. “I’m an architectural designer. That is, I was before my cancer popped up a year ago.”

“Cancer? Are you okay?” I ask, surprised.

“Yeah, it’s in remission and I was very lucky. I know about lemons and lemonade, too.”