Director's Message for July 2011

July 2011
Greetings Sacred Path Community,

We are launching the promotion for the 24th Annual Sacred Path Men’s Retreat now to provide a preview of what we’re planning and to give you a jump on registering for this exciting event. You’ll receive the flyer/application in your e-mail shortly. We’re offering an array of safely challenging elements that will comprise this Spiritual Warrior Community gathering.

The title and inherent theme of this retreat is: A Time of Ashes: Initiation into Mindful Manhood on the Path of the Spiritual Warrior. Robert Bly in his groundbreaking book about men, Iron John, published over 20 years ago took up the issue of naïveté, numbness, depression and katabasis in the chapter titled The Road of Ashes, Descent, and Grief.

The Greeks spoke of katabasis as an abrupt drop when a man no longer feels like a special person. Bly states that these days katabasis comes about through addiction to alcohol, drugs, food, sex, etc. “The man loses his health and ends up with thin legs, flat energy, deprived of wife and children, deprived of friends, house, money. He loses his job, self-respect, and every mark of his former art and life.”

Bly goes on to say that in the nineteenth-century, men characteristically failed to notice the female suffering and in this century men have added another inattention: they characteristically have failed to notice their own suffering. Men endeavor to stay above it, away from it, rather than dealing with it by going down and into it, to learn from it. He encourages men to take the downward path as an elective to avoid the crisis or potential disaster that can arise from katabasis. Depression is a form of katabasis. The epidemic of anxiety is wreaking havoc in the lives of millions of men. Exploring one’s grievances and getting in touch with one’s grief and can be the antidote.

It appears that psyche arranges a severe katabasis if the man does not know enough to go downward on his own. Bly suggests that, “With intitiators gone from our culture, we do not receive instruction on how to go downward on our own... To live the life of ashes is very different from dropping into katabasis. It doesn’t require a fall in social status. It is not so explosive; there is something about ashes that is steady, even lethargic...Ashes and cinders in fairy tales are code words for the ashy, sooty, depressed, ‘out of it’ time.”

“The word ashes contains in it a dark feeling for death; ashes when put on the face whiten it as death does...some men around thirty-five or forty will begin to experience ashes privately, without ritual, even without old men. They begin to notice how many of their dreams have turned to ashes.”

Bly gives us, “...By contrast, the old men in traditional initiation lead the young men to the Beneath Father, near where the ancestors live and where snakes are...Initiation asks the son to move his love energy away from the attractive mother to the relatively unattractive serpent father. All that is ashes work. When a man enters this stage he regards Descent as a holy thing, he increases his tolerance for ashes, eats dust as snakes do, increases his stomach for terrifying insights, deepens his ability to digest evil facts of history, accepts the job of working seven years under the ground, leaves the granary at will through the rat’s hole, bites on cinders, learns to shudder, and follows the voice of the old mole below the ground.”

When we reach crossroads in life, we all search for answers differently. In one of the daily lessons in Science of Mind: A Guide for Spiritual Living, I read that when Jesus was facing the fateful hours preceding the culmination of his destiny he paced in the garden. Joseph Campbell went to a cabin for five years, the Buddha sat under a tree, some of us meditate or pray, others listen to music, and still others walk in nature. There is not just one way. What is important is that we make some time to go deep within to seek our answers. A retreat from the world offers that time.

Campbell writes that a young Native American was given this advice at the time of his initiation: “As you go the way of life, you will see a great chasm. Jump. It’s not as wide as you think.” We can become what we imagine if we have the courage to move into our dreams. Our October retreat offers you that opportunity.

This upcoming retreat will, for the 24th year in a row, bring together good men to bring out the best in them. We’ll assemble about 25 staff members and upwards of 75 participants. We dedicate this time for gathering the men of our community to receive great gifts. What can result from leaving your homeland and coming up on the mountain can make an immeasurable difference in your life. Those of you who have been here before know that to be true. Your homecoming will commemorate what can be gained by your taking the path of ashes and doing good work in the way of the spiritual warrior. We’ll experience time for descent and ascent; time for self-reflection and expression; time for retreat and engagement; time to laugh and to cry; time for work and for play; and ultimately, time to bring out the best in your self.

I believe that Grandfather Soldier Bear will return from the Lakota Reservation in South Dakota to be with us again this year bringing the tribal teachings of manhood and to conduct a formal initiation into Elderhood. I know that our Lakota brothers, Andrew Soliz and Thomas Alvarez, will be pouring water for our Sweat Lodges. John Mafrici will travel down from Oregon to facilitate our Sacred Breathing Sessions. MCLA Associate Directors Steve Branker and Dan Franklin will be by my side to take the helm on guiding the flow of this retreat. The devoted men of the Wisdom Council will be present as Tribe Leaders and to be of service as needed. Even though we assemble a coterie of remarkable teachers, it’s you and all of the other men that comprise the Sacred Path Community that render these retreats so successful. It’s not uncommon to hear the same comment year after year, “this retreat was the best.”

In addition to the Community Gatherings, the Tribe Meetings, the Conscious Connected Breathing Sessions, the Inipi Sweat Lodge Ceremonies, the Recovery Meetings, the passion of the drums and the delicious meals to name a few of the highlights, we are bringing back, by popular demand, Charles Horton and his F.I.R.E. team from Texas to facilitate another Fire Walk, Broken Glass Walk, Board Breaking Feat and perhaps a couple of other amazing breakthrough processes. And, our very special guest presenter is Tolly Burkan, the father of the Fire Walk. Read about Tolly later in this newsletter.

The fee for this retreat is $495. Over the years I’ve had men tell me just before the retreat occurs that they don’t have the money to register. We have done what we could to make it possible for those men to participate. With job losses and the downturn in the economy it has been very challenging for many, and we do need to prioritize where are money goes these days. And yet I find that there are those that seem to have difficulty budgeting finances under any and all conditions. Handling one’s money issues is one of the cornerstones comprising personal accountability, independence, autonomy and self-sustainability.

A few weeks ago I recommended that you get out a piggy bank and make donations to yourself each week so that your fee for the retreat is handled by the time the retreat arrives. It’s a really good strategy for those who wish to effortlessly deal with the finances in preparation for the retreat. At the time there were 20 weeks prior to the fall retreat. If you had made a commitment to put away $25 each week commencing at the point of my recommendation, the retreat would be fully paid for by the time it occurs. In fact you’d already have about $150 in place by now. If you start saving today you’ll need to set aside about $35 to $40 per week to have it covered. Chunk down the cost in bite size portions to make it more palatable.

Please don’t let money hold you back from attending. Money is the cheapest way to pay, and your life is more valuable than the money that you will invest to participate in a potentially life-changing experience. Amortize the cost in relationship to the value attained for the rest of your life. If you can sit in a sweat lodge, tell your truth to a community of men, walk across shards of broken glass or across burning coals, what else can you do?

Many men have told me about breakthroughs in their lives since the last fall retreat, and that includes enhancement of their prosperity and abundance. Consider sending in your deposit this month confirming your commitment to attend and reserving your place. The retreat begins when you make the commitment to be on the mountain with your brothers. I’m envisioning between 80-100 in attendance. The men that attended last October are coming back and have indicated that they are bringing family members and friends with them. Charles and his F.I.R.E. organization have already enrolled a dozen participants. Jump on board; join in the fun; you won’t regret that you did.

In the spirit of brotherhood,
Stephen

Dan Stanton on the Upcoming Fall Retreat

Dear Stephen,

The June Men's Center Newsletter was incredible! I read it from top to bottom. The article from Leonard Orr was a real eye opener and really made good sense to me. I have had the same feelings about our thoughts, our health and death. You have been incorporating earth, air, water and fire into you retreats for years. I think that is one of the main reasons we feel so good after the retreats.

My dad and I are confirmed for the Fall Retreat. We'll be coming off a full week on the Colorado River the week before. Since you're bringing back the Firewalker group from Texas, I'm going to try and get all three of my sons-in-law at the retreat. I would love to share the experience with all of my sons and dad together. That would be a retreat beyond imagination!

In brotherhood,
Dan Stanton

Fall Retreat Special Guest Tolly Burkan

Tolly Burkan began teaching in 1973. At that time, he presented "The Science of Happiness," invented by Ken Keyes, Jr. Tolly and Ken taught together and co-authored the bestselling book, How to Make Your Life Work, or Why Aren't You Happy? published by Simon & Schuster in 1976.

Tolly is most renowned, however, as the founder of the international Firewalking movement. Tolly’s approach to Firewalking resulted in a global phenomenon of over three million people attending Firewalking classes. Due to his pioneering strategies, firewalking seminars are now regularly offered on six continents.

Tolly built his reputation by consistently creating innovative, cutting-edge methods for developing human potential. In 1977 he created the world’s first Firewalking class and began teaching Firewalking to the general public. In the 1980s, he founded the Firewalking Institute of Research and Education, started working with large corporations and began training instructors. The '90s transformed his work into a mushrooming corporate trend. Even mainstream companies such as Microsoft, American Express and Met-Life began including Firewalking in their executive empowerment seminars.

In addition to being the first person to offer Firewalking in public seminars, Tolly was the first to offer public seminars teaching ordinary people to walk barefooted, unharmed, on shards of broken glass; the first to teach public classes that included metal bar bending; barehanded brick breaking; arrow snapping; and many other esoteric practices of heightened awareness and empowerment, usually reserved for a select few.

In 2008, Tolly retired from teaching Firewalking. Presently, he lectures and conducts private retreats at his home in the Sierra Mountains of northern California. Tolly has authored eight books that are available in 13 languages, and has been featured in over 50 books, hundreds of magazines and newspapers, and on the front page of The Wall Street Journal. He regularly appears on all major television networks and has been a guest on Donahue, Regis and Geraldo.

Tolly expresses that, “Knowing the secret behind Firewalking can improve your life! Even if you never do it yourself, knowing how it works can bring you better health and increased personal power. Why? Because Firewalking demonstrates how your thoughts impact everything else in your life. Thoughts change brain chemistry, and that results in an alteration of body chemistry as well. Firewalkers are instructed to pay close attention to their thoughts, since those very thoughts are the way in which we create our own realities. Positive thinkers literally live in a different chemical environment than negative thinkers. They impose less stress on their immune systems, and the result of that should be obvious. 
I have been researching Firewalking since 1977 and am considered to be the foremost authority on the subject. Because of this work, the United States now has the largest Firewalking culture in history.”

A Circle of Men


By

Stephen J. Johnson, Ph.D.

As a preface to this article, I would like to let you know that there is an opening in my Wednesday night Men’s Therapeutic Support Group in Woodland Hills. If you would like to join, please call me at 818-348-8948.

Why Men's Groups?

It appears that men today are just as cut off and stuck as their predecessors. Our culture is faster and more demanding than ever before. Men find themselves caught in the rat race, struggling to keep up, and challenged to balance their lives against the demands of roles that call for them being providers, husbands and fathers. They are wondering whether they can even be there for their families to the degree that their own fathers were and they carry a perception that their fathers weren't present enough for them. This creates internal concerns about their capacity to measure up to the standards that they have set for themselves.

It is my experience that many more men today are walking around with greater degrees of anxiety and depression manifesting in a variety of acting out behaviors often showing up as compulsive addictions. Even though many of these men will choose to suffer in silence, we are finding that there are those among this group who are also seeking solace through some form of therapeutic engagement. Many are stressed out, tired, disenchanted and despairing. They can't keep up and feel that they are falling behind and in grave concern for the quality of their lifestyles and overall capacity to find meaning and enjoyment in their lives.

Typically, men who begin to question their lives prior to their mid 30's are the exception rather than the rule. Younger men have tended to be more interested in their careers and external relationships than they are in exploring the hidden realms of their psyches or souls. When the younger men get involved in self-exploration they stand out as exceptional individuals indeed. As men move closer to mid-life, they sense an inner churning and longing for something more than the material trappings of the world. There is a spiritual questing, often arising from a katabasis or personal crisis that prompts men to inspect their lives, ask penetrating questions and seek meaningful answers.

When Men Gather

Those of us who are interested in men's issues have observed that on a broad scale there is no meaningful shared passage into manhood for men today, nor has there been one for several generations. One might argue that the military provides this; however, we would be hard pressed to secure a consensus for this premise and furthermore, a limited percent of males enlist.

Historically, men as hunter-gatherers and farmers knew who they were as men. Their sons spent many hours every day with their fathers and grandfathers, learning through the process of being together what manhood was about. The elders would informally and formally induct the young men into the community of men. But as technology evolved, our great-grandfathers went from the rural farming culture to the urban industrial culture. Men moved from the farms to the cities and into less meaningful and/or unfulfilling work. This was a profoundly significant shift, because our work is such an important part of our identity.

The involuntary abandonment by fathers established that for several generations boys in our culture have been raised almost entirely by women. Women, simply because they are women, cannot teach boys about manhood. Without men, there is no possibility of any rite of passage into manhood. Therefore, for several generations, men have been losing the sense of what mythologist Michael Meade calls "gender ground".

In May of 1982, Robert Bly's groundbreaking interview in New Age Magazine was a lightning bolt of insight into men's souls. He said, "Our dads weren't there for us, so we were all raised by women, and we can't learn about manhood from women, so we have to learn about manhood from each other."

For centuries, men in indigenous cultures had gathered to seek counsel and perform ceremonies and rituals to initiate boys into manhood and to receive guidance from elders and to mutually support the community of men. Secret societal groups like the Masons, the Elks, Moose, Knights of Columbus and others served as opportunities for men to come together.

During the 1960's, driven by the Vietnam War, older men and younger men became suspicious of each other, causing distrust, polarization and estrangement, eventuating in a rift in the community of men that would last for more than twenty years.

The women's movement only served to further confuse men, causing them to question and doubt themselves. Men tended to perceive themselves through eyes that often held them with contempt. Men distrusted each other and many avoided identifying with traditional masculine values. In the 1970’s the divorce rate began to rise and families split apart, leading the way for the birth of the “age of narcissism.” The advent of the "me generation" began to blossom during the 1980’s. Many agree that the pervasive attitude of “entitlement” has come into full bloom during the first decade of the new millennium.

It was in the mid-80's that, through the help of men such as Robert Bly, younger men began to seek the mentoring guidance of older males who understood what was going on with them. The identification with the concept of "father hunger" swept through the community of men like wildfire. Unfortunately, the media did not approach what was happening in men with respect or reverence. Men reacted to the parodies of their inner longing with shame and dropped their pursuit and retreated to their customary practices. Men cautiously reached out to other men who were exploring what had come to be called “men's soul work.” Leader-led and leaderless men's groups were created and have continued to act as sacred containers for men to explore their wounds, to bond and to support the evolution of men's mental, emotional and spiritual development.

The Purpose of Men's Groups

The purpose of a men’s group is to lend support and help for one another in learning new ways to be in relation to each other. Groups need to be a safe place to try out new behaviors, such as being more assertive, relaxed and confident. Groups should allow members the freedom to talk about unusually sensitive topics related to issues of relationship, sexuality, health, career and other intimate concerns.

The mission is to develop a process by which a group of men, who are reasonably compatible and who come together with a mutuality of intention, will learn to resolve conflict, earn trust and care for each other.

Support groups emerged out of the energy of the women's movement and its "consciousness-raising" groups designed to liberate women from what they experienced as a male-dominated culture. From these sprang some remarkable men's groups. Men, in the early days of the men's movement, were avowed feminists. Self-help groups began as experimental offshoots of therapy groups and quasi-religious movements. Recovery and AA meetings are examples of some of the oldest self-help group organizations.

Of these two types of groups, support groups gather with more of a consciousness-raising personal growth, feel-good focus, while self-help groups gather to deal with a specific problem and have a coping-better-with-the-problem focus.

Therapeutic support groups are led by a trained therapist who brings his clinical expertise to the exploration of the underlying psychodynamic during the process of men supporting each other to be their personal best. In a way it might be said that the men sit on each other's board of directors.

The Goal of Therapeutic Support Groups

Traditional forms of talk therapy are probably not the best ways to reach men. David Joliffe (1994) suggests that a better way to deliver counseling services to men is through therapy groups that allow men to tap their masculine power and energy, utilizing it in their own healing process. Hetzel, Barton, and Davenport (1994) conclude that if counselors adopt a gender-sensitive approach, it is possible to reframe behaviors traditionally perceived as problematic in male clients: resistance to expressing feelings, being overly task-oriented, and withdrawing from intimacy. A gender-sensitive leadership style can provide male clients with a fuller understanding of how gender role expectations and their socialization have influenced their lives. Even more important, the group can help them discover a greater sense of freedom and expression.

The essential ingredient in men's groups is a willingness to stay with your group and learn through being together. This requires commitment. Without commitment the group doesn't work. Commitment ensures the longevity necessary to build the trust and safety essential to open up, risk, and share more of who we are.

What is generally missing for us in our society is the safe space that supports our telling the truth at deeper levels. The group provides that opportunity. It is imperative that the group welcomes conflict and supports the sacred trust that empowers the members to learn and transform.

One definition of conflict is simply: "You want one thing and I want another." So defined, conflict is a natural and important part of any relationship. The successful resolution of conflict will involve you and me in telling the often hidden truth about why we want whatever it is we happen to want. In this open sharing we come to know new aspects of each other.

As M. Scott Peck states in his book, The Different Drum: "The essential dynamic of pseudo-community is conflict-avoidance. True community is conflict-resolving." The group must support a commitment to intimacy. Intimacy is sharing those most private thoughts, feelings, and secret parts of our selves over a long period of time. It is something we all need and crave, though few men have known the comfort or experienced the joy of true intimacy, especially with other men.

A primary goal for involvement in a men’s group is meeting the challenge of opening our selves to others and finding acceptance as a vital step toward coming to know our own power. This is not the old dominating "power over", but the personal "power to" create our own lives, as we want them to be. Inherent in the ability to be intimate is the power to trust and love who you are at this moment and to replicate in the macrocosm of the world at large what has been gained in the microcosm of the circle of men.

(Revised - July, 2011 – may be reprinted upon request)