Director's Message for December 2010

Seasons Greetings, Sacred Path Community,

I hope that you and your loved ones had a great Thanksgiving and are enjoying the celebration of Chanukah and looking forward to Christmas as we close out 2010 and welcome in 2011. A New Year marks the opportunity for new beginnings; therefore, it’s a perfect time to recommit to your intentions as you continue to improve your life. Those of you who were at the Phoenix Rising Fall Retreat are well on your way to following up on the breakthroughs you created for yourself on the mountain. These past couple of years have been challenging for many, and as we approach the fateful date of December 21, 2012, it’s most important to put our lives in order and rise up to fulfill our destiny as we are called on to make a positive difference in our own lives and those of others and the world at large.

How Do We Get Ready For 2012?

“Realize that the higher self, the inner voice, is you. Bring your projections home as your own developmental potential. Ask that deeper self to take dominion within your personality selves, and shift your identity from your ego to your essence. This is the key step to being born as a more universal human. Then, find life purpose. Ask to know what you are born to do. Follow the compass of joy. Seek out those who affirm the highest in you. Where two or more are gathered in the name of that highest dimension or your being there, ‘I Am’ is in your midst. Everyone is needed. Everyone is called. The greatest blessing any one of us can have is to say, ‘yes’ to the dormant potential within us. Reach out to those who attract you, and connect with as many others doing the same as you possibly can.” Barbara Marx Hubbard (Evolutionary Futurist)

The epidemic of bullying across the country contributing to the increase in teen-age suicide has sparked national concern prompting anti-bullying measures that are now being passed. In this newsletter we are including information to assist you in dealing with the problem of bullying. You may know someone who is currently suffering, and this information may save a life.

My friend and colleague, Dr. Bruce Derman, who was one of the presenters at our day for men and women has published his latest book, titled The Hole: A fable that takes you on a journey through the struggle with emptiness in your life. Bruce suggests that “This is a fable for anyone who has dared to ask the question: Do I keep trying to fill the HOLE or do I accept my emptiness? Emptiness lies beneath the core of everyone's journey, and understanding this concept is crucial in order to find peace in one's life. Travel with Dirk and Dawn in their countless struggles to fill the HOLE, so that you can learn the secrets of this intense human dilemma.” If you attended the Colloquium, you had an opportunity to hear Bruce speak about emptiness and nothingness where we tend to fear that life is meaningless. If you purchased and read the book, you learned how to take the journey to transforming your fears, as well as how to accept your own emptiness and discover a love, passion and power that can serve as a guide for the rest of your life. I really enjoyed the fable and concur with Bruce’s premise. I recommend it to you and suggest that it would make a great holiday gift. Other books by Dr. Derman: We'd have a Great Relationship if it weren't for you, and We could've had a Great Date if it weren't for you. You can obtain these books from Bruce’s web site: therelationshipdoctor.net or from amazon.com.

Wishing you and yours a blessed holiday season and a joyous New Year,
Stephen

Upcoming Events: Mark Your Calendars NOW!

We invite you to register for the next Day for Men at Holy Spirit Retreat Center on Saturday, February 5th. This Practicum will focus on bringing your life into balance featuring practices designed to assist you in releasing what’s not needed and embracing what’s important and significant to your life now. We’ll experience Mindfulness Meditations and Rebirthing Breathwork and how earth, air, water and fire are powerful elements for cleansing your energy field and supporting your overall well-being. We’ll discuss clearing practices for sustaining a more relaxed, rested, focused and alert state of inner knowing. For those of you who have asked for a more experiential workshop allowing for emotional release and energetic reinvigoration and revitalization, this is it. And, I’ve invited my friend and spiritual guide, Leonard Orr, (the father of Rebirthing and New Age Spiritual teacher) to present an evening and daylong program for men and women on Friday, June 3 and Saturday, June 4th. This will be a very special opportunity for those in attendance, so set the dates aside. We’ll provide more information in the coming months.

Also, mark your calendars for the Spring Sacred Path and Call to Adventure Retreat, April 7-10. More information will follow. Please keep in mind that we have a special invitation to raise funds for this retreat that will be matched up to $10,000. Charlie Atkinson is encouraging us to secure donations upwards of $10,000 and he will match them, so we have the potential of bringing in at least $20,000 that could make it possible to provide scholarships for many participants at the CTA Retreat. Please consider making a donation. Just make contact with us and we’ll give you the details.

To download the flyer/application for the 2/5/11 Day for Men, Click HERE

A Day for Men with Dr. Stephen Johnson 2/5/11

SPIRITUAL PURIFICATION
The Science of Everlasting Life
Holy Spirit Retreat Center
Saturday, February 5, 2011

There are practices that support and sustain our ability to maintain balance as we traverse the ups and downs of life’s course for us today. The stresses and strains can take their toll if we’re not prepared and equipped to deal with them. This practicum will present information and practices to fortify you in dealing with these challenges as you determine how you will interface with this fast-paced and increasingly hectic world.

It is important to master a conscious relationship with earth, air, water and fire. These are the basic elements of the physical body and the physical universe. They are forever interpenetrating each other in an intelligent way. Basic spiritual purification practices clean and balance the Energy Body that brilliantly creates and maintains the physical body as well as keeping the mind in a state of equanimity and bliss: the peace that passes all understanding.

Spiritual purification is simple and actually pleasurable. Body-Mind rejuvenation and renewal can be achieved as we sustain the eternal process of becoming more alive and vital. The results of spiritual purification practices and philosophy, including Sacred Conscious Breathing and Mindful Meditation on Empowering Affirmations, can heal the death urge promulgating a slowing and reversal of the aging process and mastery over Physical Immortality.

Leonard Orr believes that “This is the best time in human history to achieve
personal practical mastery. We are entering the Age of Truth when everyone will take responsibility for themselves, their enlightenment, and our quality of life.”

For forty years, Stephen Johnson, Ph.D. has been bringing out the best in good men. In 1974, while a Doctoral Fellow in Rehabilitation Psychology at the University of Southern California, Stephen published his research on the Benefits of Yoga Therapy on Self-Concept, Conflict Resolution and Emotional Adjustment. He went on to study a post-doctoral curriculum for four years at the National Academy of Metaphysics and was one of a group of individuals assisting Leonard Orr during his pioneering work with the powerful breathing process called Rebirthing. This became the foundation for the blending of spirituality and psychology that has been at the heart of Stephen’s personal evolvement and his professional practice as a psychotherapist and educator. This is your opportunity to participate in a life enhancing experience with Stephen and a gathering of men who are committed to living conscious lives. You are invited to attend this Practicum on Spiritual Psychology.

To download the flyer/application for the 2/5/11 Day for Men, Click HERE

5 Strategies to Prevent Your Sensitive Son from Being Bullied

by
Dr. Ted Zeff

Did you know that twenty percent of the population has a sensitive nervous system and the trait is equally divided between males and females? Therefore, 20% of all males are sensitive, or one out of every five boys has a finely tuned nervous system. A highly sensitive boy (HSB) can be easily overwhelmed by noise, crowds, fearful of new situations and shy away from aggressive interactions. He generally reacts more deeply and exhibits more emotional sensitivity than the non-sensitive boy which unfortunately could result in being bullied.

According to the National Association of School Psychologists, 160,000 children miss school every day in the United States for fear of being bullied; more than 50 suicides have been linked to prolonged bullying; and approximately 85% of school shootings have revenge against bullies as a major motive. School-related bullying has led to depression and poor school performance in many children.

Although research has shown that infant boys are more emotionally reactive than infant girls, by the time boys reach the age of five, they have usually learned to repress every emotion except anger. Societal values emphasize that males should be aggressive, thick-skinned, and emotionally self-controlled, which is the opposite of a sensitive boy. When boys don't conform to the "boy code" and instead show their gentleness and emotions, they are usually ostracized and humiliated.

Bullies tend to target kids who seem different from others. Since the eighty percent of non-HSBs are hardwired neurologically to behave in a different manner than the twenty percent of HSBs, many sensitive boys do not fit in with the vast majority of boys and risk being bullied. Bullies also target kids who don't fight back and who react deeply to teasing. Research shows that 85% of HSBs avoided fighting and most sensitive boys react more strongly to bullying than other boys.

How can we prevent our sensitive boys from being bullied?

Develop Confidence in your Son by Support from Mom, Dad and Other Adults

The unconditional love and support from parents and other adults will give your son the confidence he needs to face difficult situations. Unfortunately, when the burden is placed on one or two frequently stressed-out adults, it's difficult to give the unconditional love and support a sensitive boy needs. Studies have shown that boys who had positive, loving relationships with other adults (grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.) reported having more positive experiences as a child than those who did not have these additional relationships. Sensitive men from India and Thailand reported experiencing happier childhoods than those from North America which may be due to the role of the extended family and community in raising children in those cultures. So invite your extended family and friends to share their love with your son.

Some people believe that boys need stronger discipline than girls. However, your sensitive son can learn a lesson better when he is calm and receptive, so when you are disciplining your son it's vital to talk to him in a gentle manner. When you set limits in a calm, yet firm manner it will not lower his self-esteem.

Mothers generally spend more time with their children so they are frequently in a position to bolster their son's confidence. However, fathers (or uncles, grandfathers, or other male role models) need to spend special, positive time with their sons. While a father needs to teach his son how to stand up for himself, he also has to understand, protect, and encourage his sensitive son. Both the father and the son benefit when dad accepts his son's trait of sensitivity instead of trying to mold him into a non-HSB. It's important to model setting limits with others so that your son will learn how to set boundaries if he is humiliated for his sensitivity so he won't get bullied.

Make School a Safe Place for your Son

Parents should regularly discuss their son's progress with his teacher, talk to other parents, and volunteer in the classroom. If you find out that a teacher is mistreating your son, you need to immediately let the teacher and principal know that their behavior is unacceptable. If the teacher is not receptive to changing his or her behavior, you should not let your son remain in the classroom.

If your son gets bullied in school it's important to let him know effective methods to handle the situation. According to the Youth Voice Project which surveyed 11,000 teens in 25 schools, the most effective solutions to stopping bullying was accessing the support of adults and peers. Less effective strategies were ignoring the bullying, telling them to stop, and walking away.

Learning self-defense can give your son more confidence when confronted by bullying. You could ask the P.T.A. or the principal to arrange for a professional to come to the school to offer an anti-bullying program. If your son has tried the methods I mentioned above but the bullying does not stop (or becomes violent), contact your son's school. Your son's safety and sense of well-being is of prime importance, so you have every justification to bring the issue to his teacher, school counselor, and/or principal. If your son's physical safety is in jeopardy and the school authorities won't intervene, you could contact the police. However, it may be more prudent to remove your son from a potentially physically violent situation if the bullying escalates to that point.

The good news is that there are options to attending public school, such as progressive private schools (i.e. Montessori, Waldrof, Steiner) that may be more conducive to your son's emotional and educational needs than a large public school. Homeschooling is ideal for most sensitive boys since the HSB thrives in a safe, quiet, less-stimulating environment where they are free to pursue both core and creative subjects at their own pace. To compensate for the lack of social interaction, it's important for your son to get together with other children who are also being homeschooled, hire tutors and enroll him in special classes.

Help your Son Obtain Peer Support through New Friendships

Most boys prefer to socialize in large groups, yet our sensitive boys usually prefer to interact with only one friend or play by themselves. Since they shy away from aggressive, combative interactions, HSBs may have difficulties making friends with other boys. It may be better for your son to have just one friend rather than trying to be accepted by a group of non-HSBs. However, it could be beneficial for your son to learn how to navigate through the majority nonsensitive boy culture as long as the friends involved remain respectful. Take some time to discuss friendship with your son and emphasize how important it is to be with friends who respect him. It's important for your son to create a balance between spending time alone and with friends or he may not learn successful interpersonal skills.

Help your Son Become Physically Fit

When a boy becomes involved in sports, he feels accepted by his peers, which increases his self-esteem. Most boys are involved in some team sports but research indicates that 85% of sensitive boys did not participate in team sports and most preferred to participate in individual exercise. Since HSBs do not perform well under group pressure and may be deeply hurt by the cruel culture of malicious "boy teasing" while playing sports with other boys, they generally avoid such interactions.

Regardless of athletic ability, it's important for your so to participate in physical exercise since it will help him become healthier, stronger and more confident. When an HSB has someone to teach and encourage him how to play various games, he could thrive, even in the insensitive world of male sports. However, before your son joins a team, you should talk with the coach and possibly other parents to make sure that the players are treated with respect and are not overly competitive. The key is to find athletic activities that your son authentically enjoys.

As previously mentioned, learning some form of self-defense can really empower a sensitive boy, helping him feel safe and better able to fend off bullies if needed. It's important to let the instructor know that your son needs support from the trainer. The sensitive boy who masters some form of self-defense becomes less fearful, more confident and frequently more sociable.

Increase your Son's Self-esteem

Research has shown that the more dissatisfied a boy is with his body, the poorer his self-esteem. Therefore, a sensitive boy who reacts more deeply to teasing about his physical appearance than a non-HSB is at risk for developing low self-esteem. Though the media can be a strong influence on your son, as an adult in his life you are the stronger influence by letting him know that his body is perfect exactly as it is. Discuss how the media is perpetuating myths about what a male body should look like.

An important aspect of a positive body image involves good health. Stress affects health and since your son may be more vulnerable to stress than the non-HSB, it's important to help him maintain a preventative health-maintenance program by making sure he eats a healthy diet, take supplements, gets enough sleep and regular exercise.

Finally, while your son's self-esteem may be diminished by his not fitting in with nonsensitive children, he will feel worthwhile as he receives nourishment from his spiritual pursuits. Since most HSBs have a proclivity toward spirituality, you can increase his self-esteem by encouraging your son to learn meditation, prayer, spend time in nature, or read spiritual books about the great sensitive and compassionate spiritual heroes like Christ, Moses and other saints and sages.

There are millions of parents of sensitive boys trying to help their sons cope in a world that does not appreciate sensitivity in males. I'm sure that as you begin using the suggestions in this article you will start seeing a positive change in your son as he becomes a strong, confident, and happy boy.

Dr. Ted Zeff is the author of "The Strong, Sensitive Boy." For more information on the book please visit Amazon.com/StrongSensitiveBoy.

What's the Best Way to Deal with a Bully?

By
Stephen J. Johnson, Ph.D.

Many school-age children feel that they are misfits and simply don’t fit in with the “in-group” or even the general population of their peers. Kids that are perceived as weird or different can become the target of bullies and become vulnerable to depression, anxiety and the threat of suicide. A 2005 Harris poll found 90 percent of gay and lesbian teens say they’ve been bullied in the past year. And nearly two-thirds of these students feel unsafe in school, according to a 2009 survey by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network. In September 2010 alone, three teens took their lives after homophobic taunting. The epidemic of bullying across the country has sparked national concern, prompting anti-bullying measures that are now being passed.

“The majority of kids are very reluctant to tell adults they’ve been bullied,” states Kevin Jennings, assistant deputy secretary for the U.S. Department of Education’s Office of Safe and Drug-Free Schools. Experts encourage parents to pay close attention to changes in behavior. A happy child can suddenly become withdrawn or pretend he’s ill to avoid school. If your child seems unhappy and withdrawn and tells you that he or she has no friends at school, that’s a red flag and warrants further exploration

Have you had any personal experiences in dealing with a bully? What did you do about it? Most people have, perhaps when they were young and maybe as adults as well. This was a topic that Yahoo.com wanted to address in their format called, “Answers on the Street.” Their producers, who invited me to be their psychology expert for some of the episodes that were to have a human-interest focus, contacted me. I went into their studios to film the episodes on a variety of topics and this is one of them. I’ve included here an outline of the information that I provided when asked the following questions. An edited version of the interview may be found by logging onto: www.answersonthestreet.yahoo.com

1. Who is a bully? What do bullies do to bully someone?

a. They are children or adults who seek out a victim to attack emotionally and/or physically.
b. They taunt, tease and insult in order to gain power and control over another.
c. They can be relentless.
d. They can be cruel and violent.
e. They like to dominate others.
f. They may have personality disorders.

2. Why do people become bullies?

a. They may need to cover feelings of inadequacy.
b. They may lack good adult role models.
c. They may be bullied by one or more family members at home or by another bully outside the house.
d. They may have fallen into a bullying peer group.

3. Do you know of any ways to deal with a bully?

a. Act Brave -- Take a firm, commanding and non-belligerent stand to let the bully know that you will not allow him to continue his actions.
b. Ignore -- Neutralize the bully’s attempts by not resisting or paying attention. Don’t feed energy to the bully’s efforts.
c. Tell an adult – Speak to someone who is an ally like a parent, friend, teacher, coach, etc.
d. Don’t resort to bullying-back. Avoid aggression and violence.
e. Seek the help and support of friends.

4. Should you stand your ground with a bully or walk away?

Either strategy can be effective under the appropriate circumstances. You might consider that one way to take a stand is to walk away when it’s called for. It doesn’t mean that you’re a wimp or coward by taking the path of least resistance.

5. What would you do to avoid a confrontation with a bully?

Attempt to create space or distance between you and the bully. When that’s not possible, take the bully aside and speak to him privately. Ask him why he doesn’t like you. Try to find out what’s eating at him that’s causing him to take out his anger on you. What are the issues that are causing the pain inside the bully? You don’t have to be his therapist but you can be therapeutic by taking an interest in what may underlie the bully’s behavior. Knowledge is power.

6. Should I raise my voice?

Attempt to speak in a firm and commanding voice rather than rigid and demanding one. Your words have power, and when used with finesse they convey a more powerful message than the one that is delivered with a shout. One doesn’t necessarily hear you any more clearly when you raise your voice. However, a raised voice in a controlled manner can be impressive when necessary.

7. Why do people become victims of bullies?

a. A bully can single out people who isolate.
b. The victims are perceived as different.
c. They have poor social skills.
d. They are at the wrong place at the wrong time.
e. They tend to be silent types.
f. They are carriers of shame.

8. What are some signs that someone is being bullied?

a. Symptoms of school distress like failing grades and loss of interest.
b. Physical symptoms like stomachaches, headaches, nausea, and loss of appetite.
c. Emotional symptoms of anxiety, depression, difficulty sleeping, suicidal ideation, self-mutilation.
d. Disheveled and torn clothes.
e. Missing belongings.
f. Unexplained injuries.
g. Repeated requests for money.

9. How can you help a child who is being bullied?

a. Talk to your child.
b. Ask general and non-confrontive questions.
c. Get a detailed narrative of what’s occurring.
d. Avoid interrupting or judging.
e. Remain calm.
f. Avoid premature solutions.
g. Be patient.
h. Help your child avoid being a target or a victim.
i. Create strategies for dealing with the bully.
j. Enroll the child in a martial arts class.
k. Contact the bully’s parents. Enlist their support to speak with their child so that there is an understanding of the consequences. Have the bully apologize/make amends and replace stolen property or repay for the loss. Seek an introspective understanding concerning the misconduct.
l. Watch for signs that the behavior may not have stopped.

10. What if a child is bullied online?

a. If you’re a child, speak to your parent about what’s happening.
b. Parents should remain calm, cool and collected in reviewing the evidence that has appeared online.
c. Discuss with your child where he/she thinks this may be originating.
d. Deal with it reasonably by contacting the parents of the offender or reporting it to the online server or the cyberspace authorities.
e. No one can truly hide out in cyberspace.

11. You’re a bully if you do any of these things to someone else:

a. You call them names.
b. You spread rumors about them.
c. You make up stories to get them into trouble.
d. You take their friends away, leaving them on their own.
e. You tell other people not to be friends with them.
f. You hit them, kick them, trip them up or push them around.
g. You make remarks about their culture, religion or color.
h. You make remarks about their looks or weight.
i. You make remarks about their disability or medical condition.
j. You don’t choose them to be your partner in class.
k. You leave them out when you’re choosing a team for a game.
l. You tell them you’re busy and then go off to enjoy yourself with others.
m. You take away their possessions or demand money from them.
n. You damage their property.
o. You hide their books or bag.
p. You make jokes about them when you can see they’re upset.
q. You send them nasty text messages or make silent calls on their phone.
r. You indulge in horseplay when you know they are not enjoying it.
s. You make threats about nasty things that will happen to them.
t. You’re going along with the crowd who are doing any of these things.
u. You make homophobic remarks about them liking other boys or other girls.

12. What are some questions you can ask a younger child?

a. Who are your child’s friends and what does he/she like about them?
b. Has he/she dropped old friends and got new ones?
c. What does your child think about the bullying victim?
d. What games do they play at school and who decides who can join in?
e. Is your child afraid of anyone else? There is often a ringleader and children go along with him/her because they are afraid they may be the next targets if they don’t.
f. Could your child be upset because of a change in family circumstances, i.e. separation, bereavement, or a new baby?

13. What are some questions you can ask an older child?

a. How he/she feels about the victim and what they don’t like about him/her?
b. Who else is joining in the bullying?
c. Why are they are doing it?
d. Have they thought of the effect bullying is having on the other person?
e. Is he/she joining in because they’re afraid of the consequences if they don’t?
f. How does he/she think the person being bullied must feel?
g. Does he/she realize that attacking someone else is a criminal offense?
h. Does he/she realize that sending abusive e-mails, text or phone messages are a criminal offense?
i. If the bullying complained about were happening to him/her, what would he/she want done about it?

14. Finally, what are some thoughts for parents to consider?

a. Do you encourage your children to stand up for themselves and could their assertiveness be construed as bullying?
b. Do you tell your children to hit back?
c. Are you confrontational?
d. Are you aggressive if another parent complaints to you about bullying?
e. Are you critical of teaching staff in front of your child?
f. Do you give your children space to talk about things that may be upsetting them?
g. Do you try to work with the school on problems?

15. Here are some web sites that you can turn to for further help:

www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov
www.stopbullyingspeakup.com
www.glsen.org/bullying
www.adl.org/combatbullying
www.wiredsafety.org
www.youtube.com/user/itgetsbetterproject
www.pacer.org/bullying

Wednesday, Dec 8 10:00 pm E! Investigates: Teen Suicide

Teen suicide has been increasing for the past 30 years - E! Investigates will try to discover what may behind the increase in this tragic trend. Hosted by Laura Ling. For more info: www.eonline.com/on/shows/thsi/index.jsp

Medicine Dance Winter Solstice Project 2010

Part the Veils.
Reveal the Underlying Meanings of the Season.

Come---Move, Connect and Feast with us


MEDICINE DANCE
presents
Winter Solstice Project 2010

TRANSITION

Movement & Music
Ceremony
Celebration

with
Fred Sugerman, Christo Pellani & the Winter Solstice Project Band

Saturday, December 18th, 2010

@The Church In Ocean Park
235 Hill St.
Santa Monica, CA 90405 (NW corner of 2nd and Hill)
-parking on the street or meters between Main and Ocean just West of the Church-

$25.00
9:30-2:00 pm, potluck following

details provided following reservation
fsugerman@yahoo.com or 818.608.9848

As we Remember who we REALLY are, let us gather in preparation for the longest night of the year; send a clear message to our Selves, each Other and the Earth, that we are willing participants and co-creators of Transition.

How? Music and Movement
Candle Lighting
Feasting (potluck)

Warmly,

Fred Sugerman
Medicine Dance
818.608.9848