Dan Franklin on Relationships

I texted a client who is struggling in his relationship and asked me for advice…only to realize I might as well have been talking about myself and so many people I know as well.. I think it reflects an abiding truth about most if not all relationships. I thought you might find this worth reading. I'm going to include this among the articles and essays on my website: I thought I would print this out for the men and use it as a take off point for a break-out session or perhaps a discussion point  for either groups or in the larger container.

“ A worthwhile relationship calls for a willingness to take a long hard look at your life. That isn’t easy for any of us. We’d all like to think that love is enough and it is enough to deeply care about someone. Living together and building a life together is another thing. It takes real honesty, a commitment to the truth and a mature sense of reality on both peoples part to figure this out. Wishful thinking or a fantasy about it won’t cut it. Unless you both can get your essential needs met, beyond desire and passion, it will end in resentment and disillusionment. It will ultimately kill the love. Facing the truth isn’t easy. If two people really love each other, they owe it to each other to be painfully honest about whatever fears, doubts, concerns and red flags are present. It takes mature compromise and negotiation to seal the deal in a committed relationship. Winging it in the hopes that it will all work out is a wonderfully romantic ideal and certainly possible but is the current prescription for the high divorce rates. Soul mates are one thing. Good matches and compatibility is another. Great romances may or may not make great marriages. Passion is exhilarating and juicy but it can mask a lot of potential problems. The truth beyond the chemistry, not the sex and romance, is what gives a relationship a fighting chance rather than a chance for fights. If a relationship isn’t working, why torture yourselves or each other. Putting the wrong penis into the wrong vagina and thinking you are made for each other is truly trying to put a round peg in a square hole. If it doesn’t work despite all best efforts, be friends to each other and support each other in moving on rather than making the mistake of moving in. If you are trying to be a pleaser or expect the other person to change in order to make you happier…you are both bound to end up unhappy. The road to a meaningful committed relationship is paved with truth and understanding, not romance, sex and self-gratification addiction, the factors that are pandemic to our dating and mating culture. Tell yourself and the other person the truth about what you desire and need, not what you want to believe and you think they want to hear. These are the principles of a mature, conscious relationship built on integrity and mutual respect. “