Day for Men and Women September 25th

On Saturday, September 25th from 8:30 to 4:30 at Holy Spirit Retreat Center we will convene for: Men and Women: Autonomy, Interdependence and the Co-Creative Alliance. An invitation is extended to men and women to join in a day to safely open themselves to an exploration of the significant themes that seem to consume people’s lives today.

There are so many stresses and strains that pull on men and women as individuals these days. Unrelenting pressures tear at the fabric of intimate relationships and families causing people to become helplessly confused leading to a tendency to lock and load into unremitting conflict. This breakdown of systems frequently leads to the relationship coming apart at the seams.

During our Day for Men event at Holy Spirit Retreat Center in June, Catherine DeMonte, MFT, shared her thoughts and feelings about the nature of relationships between men and women including what she considered to be some of the pitfalls regarding the assumptions and expectations that men and women make about each other. She went on to speak about where she feels that women miss-understand men and tend to sell men short. She also spoke about how men and women could deepen their love for each other through an expanded understanding and capacity for anticipating each other’s needs. I had heard from women that they wished that they could have participated in the event. That awareness stimulated the consideration to create a day for men and women to gather with the intent to explore, discuss and learn from each other. With that in mind I extended an invitation to Catherine to join us again and I invited Dr. Bruce Derman to participate as well. I believe we will include another woman presenter and I am considering whom I might add to the panel.

Catherine DeMonte, MFT has a private practice in Calabasas where she treats children, couples, and families. She helps people address and heal the blocks and wounds that keep them from being their most authentic Selves. Her gifts include warm empathy and the ability to get to the heart of the matter. It's often said about her that she can hear what isn't said. When working with couples she doesn't take sides. She is on the "side" of the relationship. Catherine is passionate about helping people return to the feeling that inspired couples to get together in the first place. Her presentation will focus on: Balancing Our Lives as Women. She suggests that finding balance can be quite challenging for a woman these days and can spill over into the relationship with the man in her life. She states, “Having time for our selves while feeling solid & whole emotionally, physically, and spiritually is difficult for a lot of women. It seems something always has to give. How do you find time & balance while maintaining high quality relationships with your partner, children and others?” Catherine will inspire women, who juggle many demanding roles and responsibilities in today’s fast-paced and stressful society, to learn to live joyfully while leveraging their two most precious resources, time and energy! It sounds like men will benefit from this information as well.


Dr. Bruce Derman has been a friend and colleague for over twenty years. He is a clinical psychologist in private practice for forty-two years in Woodland hills and Santa Monica who specializes in couple relationships, sex therapy, eating disorders, divorce mediation and coaching. He has written three books on relationships including, We'd Have a Great Relationship if it Weren't for You. Bruce will present on the theme of his new book, The Hole, and the role that “the hole” plays in couple relationships. The Hole deals with the greatest fear that couples have...emptiness. Couples often struggle with the unending ups and downs of trying to fill their individual holes from the outside with things, such as money, obsessive sex, porn, affairs, emotional tirades, powering, and many other things rather then accepting the nature of their emptiness. Bruce will share with the group members his perspective that emptiness lies beneath the core of everyone's journey and understanding and accepting this concept is crucial to finding peace in one's life and ultimately one’s intimate relationship. The alternative to this quest is constant negative consequences or a lifetime of chasing and defending images leading to the possibility of divorce, as each person seeks out new answers to their bottomless holes.

In my work, specifically with men in relationship, I have focused on helping them become more Mindful. In so doing, men have become more discerning about the tools and skills that help to stabilize and reinvigorate their intimate relationships. I will focus my contribution to the day on Mindful Relationships and how true soul mates realize that their relationship serves as a crucible that is durable enough to allow the right alchemical elements to coalesce maximizing the potential for enlightenment to occur. At the heart of most spiritual teachings is the understanding that Sacred Companionship is one of the two pure paths leading to personal liberation and evolved consciousness. It’s not an easy rode to hoe but the journey along the path promises big results.

At the heart of it, both men and women want the same thing from each other in a relationship: to feel "gotten" and understood. But because we approach getting our needs met differently, both men and women are too often left feeling like their partners don't understand or appreciate them. So many men say that they don't feel valued by their women, and so many women say they don't feel cherished by their men. Men often speak of not having enough sexual attention from their partners, and women often say they don't get enough emotional connection. How can we bridge that gap? How can both get their needs met? The intention of this colloquium is to provide a safe space for men and women to learn from and to support each other authentically and compassionately as we delve into the issues.

Space is limited. Download the flier to register so that you can reserve your place.

To download the flyer/application, click HERE