I have been under the watchful eye of Dr. Stephen for almost a year. When the topic of retreats came up, or any kind of "breathing and meditation" techniques, I politely shunned them. That was for "others" to do. I was never a believer or practitioner of such "new age" stuff. In fact... I have lampooned therapy groups for most of my tv-sitcom career, so how could I possibly participate, or even be open to such experiences. Besides... for the most part, I was "handling" my anxiety /stress well enough. Or so I thought.
The truth was, that I was really yearning for a new "way". The old thought/behavior patterns and life disappointments had taken their toll on my 50 years. With a (2nd) divorce imminent with a woman I deeply love but deeply hurt, I needed a change. The time came when I needed something to help calm me in times of momentary self-imposed stress and anxiety. Dr. J suggested, again, the practicum which would cover breathing exercises and meditation techniques. I begrudgingly accepted Dr. J's invite to the Saturday workshop July 18th.
On the way over Saturday morning, I thought... If I just go to the beach and have a coffee and read the paper: that will be good therapy. I really didn't want to go, but on I went. Trying to be open to a much-needed change. Something had to change.
I arrived to a big hug from Rich Manners.... ok... that was nice. And after a cup of hot liquid doing an impersonation of coffee, we sat down. Dr. J sat next to me. Hard to hide in a circle. No back row. As the "talking stick" made its way around the circle, I was chuckling to myself.... "How many scenes in how many sitcoms had I worked on where we had this circle? Old jokes popped into my head. I started to focus on what was being said.... Then I started choking up a bit. Hearing these men share, even briefly, their intimate pains and concerns.
The stick got to me, I got my name out... and that was about it. I let a year and a half of pent up sadness, anger, pain and suffering out. In front of a group of men I didn't know... but in some way I felt safe. Wow... did that feel good. From that moment on... I embraced the rest of the day and was sad when it was over. To be in the intimate, comfort and truth of men, sharing, feeling without ego, without competition, was amazing. It truly opened me up to feeling better about my healing myself and gave me hope and power to feel good about my emotional recovery and helping others as well.
My demeanor has really changed since that day. I am able to step back from my anxiety/stress moments and deal with them in a whole new light.
Granted, it took the right timing for me to participate in this, but Dr. J gently kept at me to come. He knew what I had to discover... the power of mindfulness. Thank you Dr. J.... October retreat can't come soon enough for me.
Rob Schiller
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Dear Steve,
Here are a few of my thoughts.
The experience of last Saturday may be called "re-birthing", but it is also a re-awakening. A re-awakening of who we really are. Most men are caught up in careers, relationships, children, and all the pressures life throws at us.
Here is a place - an opportunity- to re-discover who we really are, what is truly going on with us, and, a safe environment for men to help other men.
This is not someone doing another guy a favor, or washing his car - it is an honest heart-to-heart sharing that touches each of us in meaningful and powerful ways.
For some, if not most men, attending this event, they enter the space unsure of why they came, uncomfortable sharing feelings, and for sure, not wanting to cry in front of other men.
The transformation that occurs happens the first time one of the men shares his feelings, opens his gut, and lets it all out. Previous strangers reach out to each other. It's all right. It actually feels good to be there for someone you did not previously know. The experience is actually empowering. It is safe to be with these guys - they are just like me, just wrapped differently.
Strangers on entering this space, most, if not all, left hugging one another.
Having found out things about ourselves that each of us owns separately, we have all just shared something between each other that has enriched us.
Thank you Stephen, Mitch and Rich. You guys make it all flow so much easier.
Larry Gershman
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I had a wonderful experience at the men's practicum. The sharing and openness was really resonant for me. Rarely have I felt safe and comfortable with a large group of men.
For me the most profound experience that day was the 're-birthing'. My first time doing this kind of breath work. The encouragement and support of the facilitators helped me towards a major outburst - crying. A shell was cracked. I feel like I'd been waiting for this outburst to take place for years. My feeling was not of sadness, just relief and afterwards, refreshed. For years I had been scared to let go like that, concerned I would never stop crying once I started. And really never felt I was in such a safe environment for it to take place. And I didn't feel in any way diminished or embarrassed by it - despite the five or more minutes of loud weeping and crying - I felt very much a man and honestly supported by those around me.
Something shifted. I am not sure what it is yet, but I do feel different after that experience and the day. I feel affirmed in who I am as a whole and not just the parts of me I usually expose to the world.
Thank you for this, Dr. J. and all the men who attended.
Richard Ford
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It’s amazing how the universe brings the right people together at the right time. Once again I was privileged to assist the participants during the practicum, and as always, I felt that I received much more than I gave. Nineteen men with ages ranging from 18 to 73 participated, and seven were new to Sacred Path. The incredible willingness to jump in , to learn, and to participate fully was there from the first moment. During our meditations, the focus was absolute. Some of the most powerful breakthroughs in the Sacred Breathing came from the new participants, who trusted their veteran partners and the staff to keep them safe while they did their work. This type of courage is much more meaningful, as it opens a place of total vulnerability to others and of leaping into the unknown places in oneself. A great deal of emotion came rushing through during the process, and I as a staff member was strongly affected. My wife and I had just lost our 18-year-old cat the week before, and to us she was our child. During the Sacred Breathing at Holy Spirit, I was drawn into a place of deep mourning by the men crying around me, and I had to take a break to let my own sobs come and the tears flow. Sitting among the men in the room, the experience was somehow more pure for me than if I had felt this way sitting in a mixed group. Every time I attend one of the practicums, I come away totally filled with pieces of the other men who have participated with me, and for those moments, we are more than the individuals our society makes of us. For those moments we are connected at the heart.
Rich Manners
