Director's Message for October

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Greetings,

Yesterday, with the biggest drop in the stock market ever, the light at the end of the tunnel may have seemed more remote or dimly lit for many. It’s times like these that test men’s souls. I am reminded that the measure of a man is not as much who he is on the way up as who he is on the way down and how he handles adversity and furthermore what he does with his life in the process of turning things around.

These certainly are interesting times that we live in and the opportunities abound for us to learn lessons concerning attachment, priorities and what really matters. There are lessons on all scales of importance, from alerting us to pay Mindful attention to shaking us into a state of urgent awareness.

I know many of you are aware that I’m a big SC football fan. If you weren’t aware of the huge loss to Oregon State last week for our Pac Ten opener, it was indeed a big disappointment since we were ranked #1 nationally, having won big our first two games and touted as being able to run the table making it to the BCS game and potentially maintaining our #1 ranking throughout the whole season. Due to the other upsets of top ten teams over the weekend we toppled to #9, saving us from falling out of the top ten ranking.

I observe myself carefully during the football season to make sure that I’m not investing too much attachment to the outcome. There was a time that I would get depressed after an SC loss and mope around for the entire weekend, but now I use my mindfulness practices of refraining and discernment to measure out the amount of emotion that I allow in the aftermath of an upsetting result. Not only do I consider how I want my nervous system to react and how I want to feel, but I also consider the lessons learned when facing adversity on minor levels such as this and on major levels such as economic losses, health challenges and other crises.

The Daily Om lesson yesterday was titled: The Light at the End of the Tunnel-- Nothing Is Insurmountable

The teaching presented the following: “When our next best course of action seems unclear, any dilemmas we face can appear insurmountable. Yet there is nothing we cannot overcome with time, persistence, focused thought, help, and faith. Whatever the situation or problem, there is always a solution. And if you remember to look within, even as you search around you for the ‘right’ course of action, you will be able to center yourself, clear your mind, and see that nothing has to be impossible.”

This lesson encouraged us to consider that, “The first step in overcoming any obstacle is to believe that it can be overcome. Doing so will give you the strength and courage to move through any crisis. The second step is to make a resolution that you can prevail over any chaos. Enlist your support network of family and friends if necessary. The more minds there are to consider a problem, the more solutions can be found. Don’t discount ideas just because they seem impractical or ‘unrealistic,’ and don’t keep searching for the ‘best’ alternative. Often there is no ‘best’ choice, there is only a choice to make so we can begin moving beyond whatever is obstructing our path. At the very least, making a choice, even if it isn’t the ideal one, can give you a sense of peace before you have to figure out what your next course of action will be.”

The lesson closed with the following words of wisdom, “If you feel overwhelmed by the scope of your troubles, you may want to think of other people who have turned adversity into triumph. We often gain a fresh perspective when we remember others who have overcome larger obstacles. It can be inspiring to hear of their victories, helping us remember that there is always light at the end of every tunnel. It is during our darkest hours that we sometimes need to remind ourselves that we don’t have to feel helpless. You have within and around you the resources to find a solution to any problem. And remember that if a solution or choice you make doesn’t work, you are always free to try another. Believe that you can get through anything, and you will always prevail.”

These words ring true for me and summarize the heart of the philosophy underlying the work we do to support men who participate in the Men’s Center programs. The theme of the October retreat is “Up against the wall with nowhere to turn.” We know that there are many who are feeling this way these days and we also know that there is a tremendous opportunity for men to work through their issues in the company of other good men. That’s why we gather on the mountain to do our men’s work. We know that men need to be heard. They need to express themselves and know that there are other men who get it and are there for mutual support and encouragement to stay the course and face whatever adversity or challenges they are confronting.

In another lesson, the Daily Om speaks about the importance of revealing and sharing ourselves authentically in the presence of other caring souls. “When we allow ourselves to be witnessed by another, we cannot help but be transformed by the experience. Whether we are sharing a personal experience, standing in front of friends to celebrate a special occasion, or expressing our unbridled joy or sorrow in front of a loved one, we are allowing ourselves to be seen and experienced in a very intimate way. Not only are we baring ourselves to someone else, but also we are allowing that person to hold a very specific kind of space with us so this powerful act can take place. To be witnessed is to let ourselves be seen as we truly are in that moment.

Our friends and loved ones can easily be witnesses for us, if only we are brave enough to let them… Anyone who has ever seen love, admiration, acceptance, or appreciation reflected in a friend or loved one’s eyes knows how transformative that experience can be. When you bare yourself to another, you are giving them the gift of you and showing them that they also matter. In letting yourself be witnessed, you are letting others into your intimate space, stepping in the sacred container they have created for you, and creating a cauldron of positive affirmation, support, love, and goodwill that will stay with you forever.”

We are three weeks away from the 21st Annual Sacred Path Men’s retreat. If you haven’t sent in your registration as yet and you are planning to attend, please take the time to handle it now and if you’re on the fence as to whether you’re going to participate this time or not, I hope that you will reflect on what you’ve gained from past retreats and know that this is another opportunity to give yourself something that you deserve and if it benefits you it will have a positive outcome on those whose lives you share. Let’s get through the tunnel of darkness together and be witnesses for each other as we transcend the turmoil and flow into the light of a new day.
In brotherhood,
Stephen