A Day for Men - Saturday, February 6, 2010

In January of 2007 I conducted the first of a series of 6 colloquiums for men that were offered throughout the year followed by a series of 12 Mindfulness Practicums during 2008 and 2009 for men, women and couples. A Colloquium is an informal conference in which deep conversation can take place concerning issues pertinent to our lives today and the Practicums were opportunities to experientially work with the Mindfulness practices. The age range of those in attendance spanned the teen-age years up through the 70’s. The general consensus of the participants was that each man had been in the company of other good men.

I was struck by how many of the men indicated that they left the workshops feeling a heightened sense of gratitude for their lives. Not necessarily because they compared themselves to others and felt better than, but because they felt like they weren’t alone or different. There was an awareness that something could be gained from what each man was sharing. It was apparent that everyone had something that they were contending with like a health crisis, relationship issue, parenting challenge, concern about work and money, unrequited longing, dealing with growing older, retirement, the quality of life and facing mortality.

General anxiety about age and the passage of time was indeed a topic of discussion. One of the men in his thirties told me that it profoundly affected him to hear the older men talk about how they are dealing with aging. He said, “I never consider that. I’m too busy thinking about my work, my marriage, my children and other responsibilities. I have other anxieties.” He also said that he greatly benefited from the comments offered by the older men who shared insights from their own learning experiences when they were younger.

During the first Colloquium, the challenges that men confront within their primary relationships became the main thrust of the afternoon discussion in Council format. Relationship struggles do seem to dominate men’s lives. I was told that a number of men left with a more focused sense of clarity about what needed to be done to deal with the relationship issue presented. One man remarked that he awakened to a clearer understanding of what integrity really means and what he needed to do to bring his life into greater alignment.

It’s been my experience that things start taking on a trajectory and pulling you forward in a certain direction. Then you sit back and examine what you are doing, and it can be unnerving. There are many ways that people are trying to keep up with the pace and demands that life puts on them today. Men shared about their coping mechanisms. Some seem to be working well and others not so well; however, many men left the event with a renewed sense of how they wanted to redirect the focus of their concerns and reduce the stress that leads to their feeling depressed and anxious.

I was pleased with the level of candor and honesty expressed by the men. It seemed that any tendency to judge oneself or others harshly was buffered with empathy, understanding and compassion. The expressed humor helped to lighten the more serious aspects of the day. A little levity goes a long way. I heard from many that they returned home with an openness and loving attitude that they shared with loved ones.

I have reserved the dates for 3 events in 2010 to be conducted at Holy Spirit Retreat Center in Encino. The first of these will be a day for men on Saturday, February 6th. The event will commence with a meditation and my opening remarks. I will offer commentary on a variety of topics throughout the day. Then we’ll proceed with a round of check ins allowing each man to introduce himself and speak briefly about whatever has been on his mind. We have a morning snack followed by lunch at noon and an afternoon snack. We’ll break into discussion groups based on age and topics of interest and concern. We’ll conclude the day with bringing the whole group back together to review the topics of discussion, work with the suggestions and potential solutions to dealing with the challenges confronting the men and have a round of check outs focused on take-aways.

The $125 fee for the Colloquium includes program, snacks and lunch. We would like to introduce new men to our community. I truly hope that you will consider registering for this event and bringing a man with you that has not participated before. One-day events are great opportunities for men to get a sense of what we do on our longer retreats. This can also serve as a day to reunite the men that were together on the October retreat and get a leg up for the Spring Retreat, April 15-18, 2010.

In brotherhood,
Stephen

To Download the Flyer/Application for the February 6, 2010 DAY FOR MEN, Click HERE